Sunday, April 25, 2010

bye bye weekend

Where o where did the weekend go?????? this weekend was boring and just sucked lol maybe thats why it went so fast. its pouring down rain right now and suppose to rain for couple more days. i hate when its like this, alittle rain i can do with. when its a muddy mess outside no thank you! my little girl( dog) she dont like the rain much and its a pain to get her outside when its like this. plus i just gave her a bath last nite, shes smells so good , nice and powdery! that has to be my most favorite smell in the world, baby powder!

all we did today was hit walmart and went to grocery store. we rented blindside from the redbox, man thats a good movie, i really did enjoy it!

i got my new meds today and man do i feel so sick! i took one around 6 and felt awesome like 30 mins later its a pain pill, oxycodone or something like that........ but then like 20 mins later i got such a huge headache and felt so nauseas, and i still feel that way. plus i felt like i had to keep moving, like my leg or arm or something. this was only 5 mil but man do they not make me feel good. not sure what to do to just stop taking them or only take before i go to bed or nap or i have to get use to them, dunno. i just no it helped with the pain and i like that. its generic for percaset and dr didnt want to give me those because they have more tylenol in those and im to not have alot of tylenol because of my liver.

what i dont get is i no i didnt feel good today and pretty much wanted to be alone yet i no we had to go to the store. so i wasnt bitchy or anything just kept quite and just wanted to get done what we had to get done and go home......... why is it then that my loving family, they say they hate when i get moody and bitchy yet they dont leave me alone! its like aggrevate mom, get her yellin lol all when im tryin to just chill and not be like that. i will never understand, if i no someone dont feel good or is in a bad mood i stay clear away from them. my weird fam is like drawn to me lol.

i really hope this is a good week but with all the rain i dunno. bf probobly wont have alot of work because of it and that stresses me out! no work means no pay, so come friday that paycheck is not going to be good! hope everyone has a good week!

Friday, April 23, 2010

did i have a fever or not???

Sometimes i get the chills and some times i dont. well today i had the chills and so after i got my son on the bus i went back to bed and bundled up. at some point couple hrs later i woke up to find myself half uncovered and drenched in sweat, so did i just break a fever? i thought i read somewheres thats what that means but im not sure. i surley didnt feel good this morning thats for sure. iv had me a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some crackers and feel alittle better. my weights down 8 pds for the week wich is always nice, im not As swollen so thats why my weights down. no plans for the weekend, wich is kind of good dont really have the money right now to spend. so i guess that will be it for now, gonna go take something for this lingering headache. have a good weekend.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

went to the drs today/ beach pics

I went to my drs appt today with the rheumatologist it went well. we upped my meds and im to get blood work done in 4 weeks. luckley my liver is reacting good to the meds. some people cant take it cause it can cause liver damage. my dr wants me to when my new insurance kicks in in june to go to john hopkins where they specialize in this. hes really pushing the matter lol like iv said before he really doesnt no where to go from here with me and my non responding to the meds.

on a good note i had a wonderful weekend!!! the beach trip was just what i needed and i wish i could have stayed longer. being back home is nice but it was just such a nice change of scenery there that being back here is drag! i went to the outlets with the girls and we hit the coach store, i wanted a purse so bad but couldnt bring myself to pay that kind of money, even what was on sale just wasnt on sale enough for me lol. hit some other stores and got my son some summer clothes and bought me a shirt and cheap necklace . all in all i didnt do to bad and didnt spend too much money.we then went to rehobeth boardwalk and ate some thrashers fries omg they are heaven soooo good, and people watched. my bf then met us later and had lunch with us and then i left the girls they had to get back home and we went a found a hotel in ocean city and stayed the nite. it was a very nice hotel and i plan on staying there again in the future. we went to the boardwalk at nite and walked alittle but i really tired and it was so windy out it was freezing! luckley my room faced the ocean and was on the 11th floor so i had an awesome view and just listened to the waves, so peaceful! my son got up in the morning and went swimming the hotel had a indoor pool. and so again i had a great time , wish i could do it more often. will share some pics. we sent the doggie to the kennel for the nite and i really liked the attention they gave her and when we picked her up they had a report card on her behavior and she got an A lol .they checked her over and said shes a healthy girl, didnt no they do that. so i will be deffiently using that place again in the future.

well i guess thats it for now, i hope the week continues to be good. tata

Friday, April 16, 2010

not always a happy camper

Iv come to the conclusion that my blog has many ups and downs, somedays im happy some im miserable, wish i could always be happy but i dont see that happening!

Got alot done today, bf was done work early so we to dmv and got tags for the truck, plus my handicapped sticker. had burger king for lunch it was okay but sometimes i dont no why i eat that junk it just makes me wanna yack!

so by this point i needed a nap, im tired and hurting, it was a rainey day.......... so came home and layed down for an hr and then my son was done school so had to get him off the bus. drs office called today with my blood work results ck( muscle levels) was 3100 it hasnt changed in 2 months so at my appt on tuesday we will discuss what to do. im on the highest dose of imuran and so i guess we will have to go to highest does of methotrexate, im on 15 mil right now. coming down the predisone just isnt working out, i started at 60 mil two yrs ago and im only down to 20 mil right now i should be lower but every time we try to go lower my ck starts increasing and i start getting bad again. but enough talk of this its just depressing.......

my morning was truley just full of drama and had my adrenaline going and so coming down off the excitement i felt soooo crappy. had it out with my sis this morning i wanted to talk about things and try to fix or relationship but instead she wrote me a nasty note on fb so i wrote one back and pretty much said i wash myself of you. she told me she had a good life and had everything she wanted and that ment that she didnt need me in it. this fight here started because i called her a b$tch because i found out she took me off her friends list on fb and i couldnt understand why, iv never done anything to her so i was hurt. so anyway someone told her i called her that, like its the worst thing someones ever called her. iv been called that so much in my life it dont bother me because you no what some days i can be one! anyway so i told her yea i called u that and tried to explain why but no she dont want nuthin to do with me yet........... i come to find out that she talks about me all the time. she goes around telling people that i use her daughter, the one that comes to see me, that she drives me all over the place and etc . so i confronted her daughter and she said that her mom does say that about me and basically my sis dont want her talking to me anymore, because me and my sis have no relationship they dont want me and her daughter to have one. they( they is my sis and her husband that my sis chose over me) were accusing her of being on my side and not being loyal lol. such drama over stupid stuff! so had heart to heart with my niece and she was upset and wants to be in my life and doesnt understand why her mother is being this way, i told her mom to grow up and realize she lost a sister . i blocked my sis on fb so she cant write me anymore nasty notes. i hope me and niece can move on and that my sister one day will wake up ! i wish her well, after all i do still love her but sometimes u gotta let go. i no some of this doesnt make sense and theres alot iv left out but really talking about it just is painful and when i truley never did anything wrong to her . oh well gotta move on........

on a happier note im off for the beach at 8:30 am tomm and hope to have a good day. have a good weekend.

everyone talks about someone behind their back at some point!

SO today was a pretty typically day not much going on. i was very tired today and achy and had a headache bla.
i was suppose to go to a viewing for a friend from karaoke his son died in a car accident, such a terrible tragidy! i didnt go though, again i wasnt feeling well and i just cant be around people crying, id loose it! i see someone crying i start bawling! my consious or however you spell it is kicking in though.... i should have just sucked it up and went , i feel bad now. another case of me using an excuse to not do something that involves being around alot of people and people i dont no.

so family drama begains and rears its ugley head. basically me and my niece have gotten close latley shes 18 . im so proud of her shes graduating this year and a good girl. shes a big girl like me but does her thing and doesnt let anything hold her back and im happy about that and wish i was like that. anyway people in the family are jealous of are relationship and so they are talking crap and trying to turn her against me now wth! so bascially i had a talk with her and told her you no how i feel about you, believe what you want......... i cant deal with drama and dont need it in my life, me and drama dont do well, it makes me feel sick because im constantly worrying and thinking about stuff that really is just dumb! so i just hope she doesnt let others control her feelings and she will continue to talk to me.

theres so much more to the story but i just dont wanna get into it but this whole thing ruined my sons weekend and i feel so bad. im going to the beach saterday for the outlets and my son was suppose to be going to my sisters new house down the beach, the sis who are relationship is rocky. my boyfriend then decided he would meet me down the beach later that day and we would get a hotel room for the nite so then i could stay longer at the beach and hit the boardwalk and go to dinner etc.

well we forgot we have a puppy.......... you sometimes dont think about that when you get an animal. you can leave a cat at home and its fine, a dog no! so i was like darn what we gonna do???? i dont really have anyone to watch my pup so im trying to find a pet friendly hotel. where are they?????? i found 2 thats it! and back to my sons weekend getting ruined, my sis was going to watch him but because of the drama shes started hmmmmm now she said shes not going to watch him. she told him she would take him to the rides at the beach, buy him something, take him out to eat..... now shes not going to. okay have a problem with me but dont make the kid suffer that just isnt right! so i told him he wouldnt be seeing her and he was sooooo upset and it upsets me. so im trying to figure out how he can have a good weekend too. so the plan is maybe ....ill do my outlet shopping with the girls during the day, bf ride down its 2hrs or more away, get a room, thats excepts dogs, have the kid with us and take him to the boardwalk and rides. so we'll see.

now iv gotta be a big girl and call my sis and see if i can get this all straightened out because my son shouldnt have to suffer just because we are fighting. iv never kept him from her but she here latley will just cancel plans with him because of me, how old are we????

im sooo glad tomm is friday , no real reason just am. hope its sunny and warm but i dont think so, i think a cold front is coming in.

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

missing the bowl/ shes a woman now

Today was a rainey day ugh! sunshine come out come out wherever you are you tease!
i have a busy week , well busy to me, to u's this is nuthin.......

today i had to get my bloodwork done so that it will be ready by time i go to my drs appt next tuesday. we have to drop the truck off at the dealership tomm because even though it passed PA inspection it didnt pass Maryland??? something about a ball joint??#$?%?%?

soooooo the dealership said if it didnt pass they would fix the problem, so talked to the owner of ford and we drop it off tomm and will have it back tomm nite. just a big old pain in the rear though because we have to drive it there and then have someone give us a ride home, its in quarryville pa and thats like an hr or something away. Then we have to find someone to give us a ride back there tomm nite to pick it up grrrrrrr. if its not to late will probobly just go to the usual burger nite place and sing karaoke, get my one song in haha, they are always so busy!

this weeks is going by prettty fast, wasnt the weekend just here???? not complaining though........ saterday is my beach day and going shopping at the outlets YES YES YES! looking forward to it cant you tell lol.

okay so does anyone out there have a little one, like around 6, 7, 8 or whatever age and a boy and who just cant seem to PEE IN THE TOLIET!!! omg my son woke up late last nite , i heard him go to the bathroom, i was watching tv.............. i went in there later........he never made it in the bowl he PEED ALL OVER THE BATHROOM NO LIE! the toliet seat was down so he never lifted the lid or seat and just peed all over the damn place. i was sooooo mad! so i had to wipe down the shower curtain the floor the toliet, you name it with bleach. luckley its his bathroom and i dont use it yuck! no matter how much i clean that place it still smells like pee from him missing. i dont no what to do......... iv done the yelling, the bribing etc. he does good and then its back to not being able to aim. okay so im sure you wanted to no all that but i had to have something to talk about hehehehe.

my little girl pup is a woman now lol shes got her period......... we are trying to decide wether to get her fixed are let her get pregnant one time. we would have to find a male dog of course wich im not sure how to go about that. shes a bichon/poo so the mate would have to be that are one are thee other. plus what if we cant find homes for these pups and who no's if she can have pups and who no's how many she might have, just so much to think about, makes me a nervous mummy!

well thats it for now i guess, tata! happy hump day :P

Saturday, April 10, 2010

Hi im back!
after i vented and cryed and wanted to scream........... i feel better! i guess i was having a woe is me moment and just needed to get out how i was feeling. now i feel dumb....... oh well, im gonna start making me happy and not let things bring me down.

having a mood swing kind of day?????

I was fine earlier in the day, the sun was shining and temps were nice. at some point today i just really felt like a loser, a waste , just a burden , i could go on and on. it all has to do with me and my medical condition and people just not understanding me. YOU think because i look fine that theres nothing wrong with me, do i have to be in a wheelchair or on oxygen for someone to realize i have a real problem! im in bed lots of times because i wake up in the morning hurting soooo bad like iv been ran over by a truck, followed by weakness, stiffness, dizzyness, nausa, chills. if you felt like that wouldnt you stay in bed??? i cant do things like i use to, for example stairs or hard for me, i can go down but slowley, going up can be a big problem and sometimes i cant do them if they are too high. i get tired real easley and out of breath, my disease has caused scarring on my lungs wich causes me to cough and get out of breath, i have interstitial lung disease. so on the outside i look fine but im not, you dont feel WHAT I FEEL ALMOST EVERYDAY! medicine helps but doesnt take it all away. my bf family was giving me a hard time today about stuff i dont do anymore and how i say i need help etc and im like hello i have a problem and they are like oh we dont feel good all the time either, yea maybe you dont but trust me you dont no how i feel. its like i feel guilty over this, like i said to God give me a disease that cant be cured so i can get out of doing stuff! i would love to have my old life back and feel young again! im only 30 but physically i feel like an old woman and tired of never feeling good! I just sooooo love going to the drs almost every month and getting bloodwork every month and taking lots of pills everyday just so i can feel somewhat normal. i just love that now when i have to go places by myself i get so anxious and weak because it stresses me out. theres just so much that i dont do anymore or that im afraid to because of this and what iv been thrue. my disease is not as serouis as some out there and not trying to make it out to be, but its something i have to live with everyday and just tired of explaining. no wonder i just want to be alone somedays............... i no it sounds like im whining but its just one of those days. i guess what hurt most is my bf no's how iv changed and all that iv been thrue and he just lets people think what they want of me, he doesnt defend me and say yea shes got a problem and yea she dont feel good alot instead its let people pick on me and make me feel like a no good lazy ass! im gonna stop now and try to not let people get to me, theres always someone out there judging you when they dont no you and someone always jealous. i guess thats life!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

me soooooo tired

Well another beautiful day but its windy also! im soooooo tired today, i need a nap i think. im not hurting physically wich is nice but i get crabby when im tired! lol

my niece is suppose to be coming down to spend the nite(shes 18) . she takes pitty on her crippled aunt :P. i like her coming to see me but then she also stresses me out, i have to clean up after her and thats all i need. i might put her to work this time though and get her to help me with some stuff around here, i doubt it will happen, but a girl can wish cant she!

last nite was rough, might be why im tired...... i kept waking up coughing and choking, you no what i mean, it sucks! i asked my dr about it before and i cant rememeber what he said but he didnt seemed concerned. its like im gagging............

well dont have much to say my mind is dragging.......... oh my son missed the darn bus again! this time if i had a car i would have taken him but bf took it to work :( i have no one to call either for a ride. i dont no how i shut that alarm off because i dont rememeber doing it, i normally snooze it couple times, but i shut it off i guess. im going to have to find something else for back up lol i guess like my cell phone. i normally hear every little freakin sound in this house but i must have been really out of it lol. well going to go, hope everyone is having a great day! hugs

awesome day!

So today was awesome! it was beautiful out even if it was HOT! in the 80's not complaining though. i felt soooo good today physically, body wasnt hurting like it has for days and just in a good mood. wish i could always feel like this!

we ended up going to dinner and karaoke. it was burger nite so had my usual burger with chedder and mushrooms, yum! sang a karaoke song and home we went. dont need to stay out all nite long just get me out for an hr or two and im a happy camper lol!

didnt end up going to the beach on tuesday for shopping at outlets, my friend was sick as a dog! iv been keeping in touch and shes feelin better so the trip will be back on soon enough, cant wait!

still lovin my new truck even though i dont drive it lol! boyfriend has been taking it to work as the other car has something wrong with it...... i dont like him driving my truck he gets dirty from his job ugh i dont want no grease on my seats! luckley he does think of me and puts a sheet on the seat so it wont get dirty but still i will flip if i find any grease, dirt lol sorry cant help it hehe

im invited to a psychic party...... what it is is a long time ago friend of mine(havent seen in years) is a ghost hunter lol they go to places and investigate. theres a winery in newyork they wanna check out so they are having a party to help raise money to get them there. its $25 for full psychic reading, reading is from a supposly legite psychic that this radio station uses and u get lunch. i wanna go! i no alot of people dont believe in this stuff and im not so sure i do but im curouis lol. iv had a reading before and some stuff seemed to be true but that was yrs ago. i figured it would be something fun to do so im trying to get some friend together. so we shall see......

well the weak is going by pretty fast and hopefully stays nice. take care

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

its sooooo hot

Its like 60 oustide but feels like a suana in here i need to look at the thermastat im sooooo hot! had a good weekend but didnt feel good at all!

saterday went to dinner with some friends and then hit Delaware park to play the slots, i didnt win anything :( played the same $20 for an hr or more then just had to give up, ended up losing only$9 could have been worse. im a weirdo though i go in there with the mind set iv gotta win, lord help me win, but i never do, i shouldnt exspect to win, many dont, i guess i hate loosing money lol.

so easter sunday didnt have any real plans, my family doesnt get togther we just arent close, sad but true. my son ate soooo much candy he had a belly ache, i told him him not to do it but what do i no............ ended up going to my dads and showed him the new truck, we ate some food, it was nice seeing him but i really missed the big easter dinner everyone has. we had lunch meat sandwiches. its food but just not the same ....... i wanted some ham, coleslaw, etc etc and sure i could try to cook it but i dont cook that good and i live with picky people so its a waste and aggravating lol. at least i can say i didnt overeat or im gonna gain weight .

im suppose to be going to the beach tomm to the outlets, i think they are in rehobeth or ocean city im really not sure. just looking forward to going to the beach for the day. i havent been to the beach in i believe 3 yrs. i dont do the whole beach thing like laying out etc. i just like to go to see the waves hear the seagulls , smell the air, you get the picture.
got a text little while ago that my friend whos going and is the driver is throwing up,MAN! i hope she feels better by morning! so i guess i will see how she feels in the morning on wether we are going.

my sis that iv not been close with for while is watching my son if i go and hes excited to see her. it happened because she sent him a card for easter and i had him call her and thank her and so i thought hmmmmm ill see if she can watch him because shopping would be easier with out him, plus friends werent bringing their kids. she said yes......... so now my delima is if im not going to the beach do i still drop him off to spend day with her, she seemed to look forward to it and i no he is. do i wanna drive the 45 mins it takes to get there hmmmmm to turn around and sit at home. i would most deffiently do that for him. its a shame or relationship isnt good or i could tag along with them but it is what it is. im not going to pretend all is well between us, i just cant fake it!

so i felt really bad today again like yesterday, body really hurting, weak etc and i ran outta meds, couldnt get any yesterday the pharmacy was closed. i had the truck so i could have picked up meds today but i felt so bad and i didnt wanna chance going out by myself at walmart so i asked bf before he got off work to come home to pick them up. i thought he would flip and be like hell no youve had the truck all day you could go, dont wait for me....... but i called him and he was totally fine with picking them up. i did cook dinner for him so he couldnt complain too much. had turkey tenderloin, mashed potatoes, corn. i didnt wanna cook because i felt so bad but i needed to after easters dinner. took my meds and took a nap, felt much better! so i have to say i have a wonderful wonderful boyfriend who takes good care of me!!!!!!!

its still hot!!!! now im hungrey. watching diners drive ins and dives, i love that show! okay i think its time for bed iv gotta try to go to sleep. have a good week. hugs

Thursday, April 1, 2010


ugh what a day! started off i woke up late and heard my son say MOM the school bus just passed, so he missed the bus. so okay i go back to sleep couple hrs later , MOM! theres ants in my room! so iv never delt with ants on carpet and what seemed like millions of them so im freaking out........ i guess they came in because of all this rain weve had and they were flooded out! i truley hope i got them gone for good ewwww, i dont do well with bugs are anything that crawls no matter how small lol. but of course my cleaning up ants led to well we are just cleaning this whole room then, my son is a pig, throws stuff everywhere! so moved furniture, threw out old toys, took half a day because he was so slow because he didnt want to do it and he cryed and wined and repeat! plus hes a fraid of ants lol. so i was so freaking irriated today u can imagine. now i feel bad for my irritation and yelling at him, i hate when i feel like a bad mom. i just want my son to be happy and have a good life u no, dont want him to look back on his childhood and say he wasnt happy.

we bought A truck! im excited but then not so much. we looked for couple days and found one and it was at a ford dealership, its only a 2001 but its in good shape and seats inside are perfect, just an overall nice truck( explorer sport trac. i even managed to get it on my own with my credit so was happy about that, havent had a car in my name for 5 yrs! BUT what irritated me was yea its used i dont expect perfection in a 2001 but i thought when you buy something and at a big dealership they would have at least cleaned it up real good for us. it wasnt like dirty dirty but wasnt clean inside to my standerds. when we were going to go pick it up the lady said we couldnt right now because it was about to be detailed. yea right, where was it detailed, they didnt touch the inside and outside didnt look like it either. it was raining though but boyfriend said he could tell they didnt do anything to it, so im peeved! i wish i wasnt such a wuss, i should have called them and said everything was great, great exsperience but you never cleaned the inside, what are we going to do about that.......... NOW i told bf we are going to have to get it detailed and i want every nook and cranny cleaned. this will be the only time we do this and rest of the time we can clean it. BUT is it to much to ask for when buying a car for it to be clean?

this weeks going by fast it seems or maybe its just so much has went on last couple of days.......
plans for weekend hmmmm not sure, friends want to go out saterday for dinner and delaware park( some gambling) or listen to a band. not sure what im gonna do. they also want to go to the beach outlets next week during the week to shop wich i really wanna go but dont see how i can. i will have my son as school is off and its girl day out no kids and bf will be working so i dunno. i need more babysitters lol. well thats it for now, hope everyone is having a good week. hugs