Just Being Who I Am

im healing

2010-09-10T01:25:00.003-04:00

Well im alive and coping!
i had gallbladder surgery a little over a week ago and hope no more surgerys in my near future! i have 5 incisions and they are healing nicley except for the one in my belly button wich was infected but looking better now, still hurts though grrrr. the other incision is a hole that wasnt even stitched up and i get grossed out looking at it, i hope it closes up soon yuck! i will never forget what the surgeon said to me when i was in the recovery room, she told me i gave her trouble and they had a hard time keeping me stablelized and before she left she said someone was watching over me................ Man that really has me thinking what the heck happened in there lol. but im here so its all good!

iv been able to eat fine, i no some people when they get their gallbladder out they have trouble eating stuff but iv been pretty lucky and nothings bothered me yet. wasnt put on any eating regiment.

its funny how my man thinks after 1 week i should be tottally fine and able to do things as normal as before. im not suppose to lift anything heavy for 6 weeks . my bf helped me around the house for 2 days that was it then i guess he called it quits lol.

my friend missie from the blog WHAT COMES NEXT
shes doing a 30 days of missie and i think its a great idea. i dont write often in my blog because i just dont no what to say and when i do write its normally just about all my darn dr appts and depressing stuff that even brings me down. so i think i might have to give this a try. so mine would be 30 DAYS OF TRACY
AND THIS IS WHAT THE DAYS WOULD BE ABOUT.

Day 01 – Introduce
Day 02 – Your first love
Day 03 – Your parents
Day 04 – What you ate today
Day 05 – Your definition of love
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend
Day 08 – A moment
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today
Day 11 – Your siblings
Day 12 – What’s in your bag
Day 13 – This week

Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret
Day 20 – This month
Day 21 – Another moment
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place
Day 28 – Something that you miss
Day 29 – Your aspirations
Day 30 – One last moment

im catching up!

2010-08-31T00:33:00.004-04:00

WELL i got thrue my surgery last wednesday, had ERCP done. wasnt sure if it was going to happen. i got to hospital, asked million of questions and they had needed clearance from my lung dr so he wrote them a note and said yea i can have surgery but im high risk because of lungs etc and so my dr i guess didnt realize this and was taken off guard and they acted like they didnt wanna do it. started talking about how this is a simple surgery but with my problems its different yada yada . in the end i thought i would have to stay over nite and with breathing tube down my throat but i made it thrue just fine thank god!my sis was there with me the whole time and she kinda freaked from what the drs were sayin so while i was knocked out called some family and was getting them all rowled up, i think they thought i wasnt gonna make it lol. in the end my boyfriend shed a tear for me wich iv never seen and ill take it! lol even if it was just because he was scared for me. moral of the story i made it thrue, and oh the nurses and drs seen my BIG A$$ HINEY! lol so glad i was knocked out! just knowing theyve seen me naked has me tramatized, this was my first surgery!

But then 2 days later had a fever really bad, chills i thought would not stop. i had 2 comfortors on me, heating blanket, bf's body heat and couldnt get warm for 2 hrs then got so hot i stripped down to practically naked wich iv gotta be hot for me to be laying there like that( i like to be covered up) lol so hrs later started sweating so fever lasted from 10pm till 1pm next day! ugh i was exhuasted, my body hurt, everything hurt. i finally feel so much better today, i dont no what i had.

i also had to do sleep study that next nite and still wasnt feeling the greatest but went and am glad i got that over with. i had to sleep with the crap mask on, well half a mask, just a piece covering my nose. it wasnt too bad.

so iv got surgery this wednesday to get gallbladder out and hopeing that goes smoothley and then no appts for awhile i hope??????

why is it the drs say no fatty stuff because they dont want me having a attack before my surgery, that i just wanna eat everything in site! i want pizza sooooo bad anything fried! but i no i cant have it. iv been watching what i eat pretty good because of the fear lol. wish i always had the FEAR when i ate and maybe i would make better choices.

my son started 1st grade and seems to like it alot! im so happy. his biggest fear was making friends, he thinks if someone doesnt like you life is over! iv told him not everyone is gonna like you........ he made some new friends though and hopefully this is a good school year.

that boy cracks me up....... bf got him a happy meal the other day and they gave him a girl toy it was alittle doll. my son was like oh a doll this is different he brushed its long hair and then got his sizzors and chopped her hair off lmao. he said her hair was too long. he luckley threw the doll out today....... i dont have a problem with him playing with dolls but he likes girl stuff alittle to much and im trying to break him of that, he use to be obsessed with purses, he likes boy stuff more these days so lets keep with that.

did i mention im hungery! im watching food network and they have on the THE BEST THING I EVER ATE....... im salivating! but i dont eat this late so no worrys will just go to bed hungrey.

SO anyway im just trying to get thrue things going on in my life right now and plan me some goals, things for fun i would like to do. these drs appts and test have just about sucked the life outta me.

i still gotta post some pics from hershey trip and first day of school just being lazy about it. my camera when i hook it up to the computer it loads every last single picture wich is like over 100 and something because i never get them developed...... oops i really need to do that. and so i dont feel like erasing the pics i already have on my computer and cant leave them either, this darn thing is slow enough! one day at a time, i will get it done lol

hope everyone is doing good..... prayers out to lucy and your drs appt tomm or i should say today, hope good news. later

2010-08-25T00:17:00.004-04:00

Havent been around much because i dont wanna be a downer but tonite just had to write how im feeling!

went to my appt with the lung dr ysterday as i needed to get results from some test iv had and clearance for my ERCP surgery today. well he started off on some results and they were good but by time he was done i just was in a daze, denial whatever you wanna say. i have interstitial lung disease wich is caused from my muscle disease. normally with the meds you take for the muscle disease it should help the lung disease but in my case its not working, its getting worse. he said i have 40% lungs working, so thats pretty depressing. said if it gets any worse id have to see about a lung transplant down the rd! :( i dont really no what to do theres nothing else the lung dr can really do for me, hes already gave me oxygen....... its all up to a rhemy specialalist to find the right medicine or switching around the meds and upping doses wich really isnt possible im on the highest dose. so my muscles arent getting better , i cant breath, what else is next! hopefully with these two surgerys , one today and the other next week ill be gallbladder free and that problem gone. MOVING ON........

went to hershey park monday it was fun! i so didnt wanna go but bf made me and said if i didnt go he wouldnt and was just really pushing the issue so i gave in. my son had a blast, i took some pics i will post soon. i rode around on a scooter all day lol at first i was like everyones looking at me....... but then as the day went on i liked it. hershey park is quite hilly so you get a nice workout! i mean i didnt get a workout but everyone else around me sure did, we were there from 10 am to 9ish pm, it was a lonnng day! i got off the scooter at the chocolate musuem and thought ill be fine, i'll take the ride they have inside that shows you how they make chocolate and walk around look at things etc.Boy was i wrong. i get so worried that im holding everyone else up so i over did it a few times walking to fast and had to stop and really couldnt breathe, was coughing my head off ...... i got scared. my bf luckley really looks out for me and was like just take your time, forget everyone else and i no he was worried. I learned a lesson that no matter how much im embarrassed about carrying my oxygen around in this shoulder bag thing i need to, just for cases like this ! i never use it but i sure will from now ON! in the end i had a lot of fun and it was better than staying home all alone. my son starts school today, first grade, im excited for him, i hope he likes it! if he doesnt he will be sure to let me no, that boy cant keep nuthin to himself. oh and i did a drive by hit n run on the scooter! lol not really funny but i didnt realize i did it! i scraped my sons leg, he moved too close to me i say but he says i just plain ran him over! hes so dramatic, the scrape looks better today already.

hope everyone has a good week.later

2010-08-16T01:42:00.002-04:00

Had an okay weekend iv gotta really think about what we did my brain is shot these days, i have a hard time remembering things lol!

saterday we ended up going school shopping and that is a nightmare! my son is big for his age and he wears size husky pants. went to old navy and they had one pair of jeans left in his size and husky. i guess im gonna have to shop around real hard cause husky goes fast. i did find him one pair of husky size at the thrift store and they were like new! i scored 2 like new shirts for myself. got a bookbag and so still have to get sneakers and school supplies! Man getting stuff for school gets worse every year and more exspensive grrrrr.

went to my fathers afterwards and my older brother was there, havent seen him in months or my father for that matter, we arent close. it was a nice visit though and for once my father who normally acts like everything is okay nothings wrong with me etc , he was acting very worried about me for a change. when i got to leaving he gave me a hug and said everything will be alright, it was wierd but nice!

my sis came over too and offered to take my son for couple days so i said sure i aint no dummy, take him! lol me and my boyfriend ended up going out to a nice dinner and coming home, to tired to go out and do anything else.

so i thought yay ill have a few days kid free............ Hes BACK HOME ALREADY!:(
my sis called today and said he was crying and kept saying he missed me and wanted to come home. i tried to talk to him and see whats going on but he wont give me a straight answer. he started this crying stuff when spending the nite at someone elses like a month ago. he use to love staying at people houses but after couple hrs or one nite he wants to come home. i think hes worried about me , im not tottally sure and it could be something else but i think he hears too much about things going on.

my family is CRAZY! i come to find out they are all talking about me behind my back like im on my death bed and talking about whos getting the kid WTH! first off im not dead and hope to not die for a veryyyyyy long time and whats going on with me is still uncertain so dont jump to conclusions geez! plus he has a daddy and hes a good one you cant just take him from him. my boyfriend aka the daddy heard all this hes the one who told me and he just shakes his head and is not letting it get to him.

so my goal or plans this week is to call my rhemy drs office and get them on the ball about getting my medical records to the lung dr because even after iv told them over a month or so ago to do so they havent. i have a appt with lung dr thursday and so i need them sent by then. next i need to call the surgeon and see what the results are from my catscan done last tuesday and pray to god its good news!
and just do some things around here that need to be done.

well im getting sleepy i hope everyone has a good week. later

busy girl

2010-08-12T01:45:00.002-04:00

Well iv been a busy girl with drs appts and such so havent felt like writing!
i had a mri done and catscan recently. come to find out the GI DR said i probobly didnt have any stones in my bile duct......... and so i had another mri done and BAM i have multiple stones in my bile duct! :( now i have to have a ERCP done, im having it done the 25th! im nervous, iv never had any kind of surgery before. im scheduled as long as everything goes okay with ERCP to have my gallbladder removed september 1st. so had catscan done on tuesday and im waiting on results for that, they wanted to see about the mass's on my lungs i guess to see if they are still there or got bigger????? also found out tuesday when i seen the surgeon and she was going over my last catscan report that it said i had Pneumonia . well that catscan was done the 1st week of june and may 1st i was very sick for what seemed like forever so i had this for at least a month if not longer and no one told me till now. if its gone now it would be because iv been on a antibiotic for 2 yrs now, so also dont no how i got it! so this recent catscan i got done tuesday is to also make sure i still dont have it.

I really hate when i find things out all late and wrong!

sleep study again on saterday OH joy!

lung dr/pulminary test next week, then following week, appt with lung dr again plus surgery then following week surgery again!

im really not liking the month of august right now! i hope they dont add anymore test to my list i cant take no more!!!!

Boyfriend and his boss's family wanna go to hershey park next week or soon before school starts. i could care less, i cant ride rides and i cant do all that walking so really its no fun for me. plus its exspensive $50 some dollers and not even gonna ride rides! im sure if they go ill end up going just cause i dont wanna be left out lol. ill have to get a scooter or something, geez i can see it now!

also what sucks is my surgery thats on the 25th well thats the first day of school for my son, going into 1st grade. im gonna miss that :( im hoping my sister can get him on the bus for me.

well thats my life these days not the greatest at the moment! I do have faith that in the end things will be better and hopefully i'll be a little better. i hope everyone is doing well, iv been slacking on blogs :( later

new dr

2010-08-04T00:25:00.002-04:00

Went and seen a new dr today, i had to go see a gastrointernalist or something like that,i just say GI dr.

he was awesome and not anything like my other drs lol he was like pimpin lol he had his shirt half unbuttoned and a chain and called me sweetie couple times, i dont really no what to say but he was so friendly and made me feel at ease . basically i had to go see him because the surgeon wont take my gallbladder out till this dr looked at me because i supposly had a stone stuck in my duct. this dr here says he doubts i have a stone stuck because id be in major pain everyday so he told me to get a MRI done and blood work. the last MRI i had done was last yr and thats what had stated that i had a stone stuck but the dr said hes sure iv passed it since then.
so made my appt for the MRI on monday, not looking forward to that i dont like inclosed spaces so i hope he can give me something to chill out. got my blood work done wich i needed to get done anyway also.

the oxygen company called today and left me a message on when can they come out with my oxygen and show me how to use it etc. HOW ABOUT NEVER! i no the lung dr said i need it when im being active and sleeping but now that they accually wanna come deliver it its a rude awakening, i dont want it and i dont want to use it. People say you start using that stuff you'll always need it and i dont want that to happen.

when i have trouble breathing i no how to get myself calmed down and get my breathing under control so they can bring it to me but i serouisly doubt ill use it.

i have a busy month with dr appts iv got one for each week of this month!

my son starts back to school the 25th so that will be nice, 1st grade! i think hes excited its hard to tell lol i think hes just excited for new clothes, he loves clothes! my sis said she would take him for a week before he goes back to school, i hope so, it would be nice for him since he hasnt seen her in quite awhile.

hope everyone is having a good week. later

pics of the weekend

2010-08-02T23:48:00.013-04:00

Heres some pics of demolition derby etc.......
THESE ARE WHAT MY FRIED PICKLES WERE SUPPOSE TO LOOK LIKE BUT DIDNT :(
A PIC OF ME AND MY BIG BOY! SORRY ABOUT HOW THE PICS ARE I DIDNT NO HOW TO LOAD THEM RIGHT LOL THIS IS COUNTRY LIVIN!

rough nite!

2010-08-01T16:30:00.002-04:00

SO the sleep study wasnt bad but it was a rough nite, i hardley slept. The woman who was to hook all the wires up to me and watch me etc she was awesome so friendly! i love when you get a nice friendly person because it really helped me to not be nervous. the room looked nothing like i thought it would it looked like a hotel room, had a full size sleep number bed. i got there at 9 had to get some blood drawn and sign some papers and by time she hooked all the wires up it was like after 10:30 so i layed there and read my book, she had to come back in my room a few times because a wire came loose. she was really watching me because theres a video thing pointed at the bed and everytime i moved or the one time i itched my finger she came on the intercom and wanted to make sure the thing she put on my hand wasnt bothering me.i went to sleep at 1 but took awhile to fall alseep i woke up at 2 and went to the bathroom. back in bed it took me forever to fall back asleep but before i new it it was 6 and she was waking me up. i told her i felt like i didnt sleep at all she told me i did reach the stage of deep sleep she didnt think i would. so hopefully i will find out soon if i have to do it again and with the mask on. luckley if i have to go back I will have her again as she works the weekends.

so i came home today and bf got me breakfast i was starving i stayed up a bit and then went to sleep till 1pm. i feel more rested now lol

so guess who is napping now the bf! just when i wanted to go somewheres, oh well.

not much to this weekend it was what it was but at least i got my appts done. later

sleepy

2010-07-31T17:35:00.002-04:00

IM so sleepy wich normally i would take a nap but i cant :( i have that sleep study tonite. im really not looking forward to this, i dont like hospitals let alone spend the nite at one! im so tired now but when i get there wich will be at 9 ill be wide awake for hrs im sure. i wish they could give me something to knock me out and not wake up till 6 lol

Had A great time at the fair last nite with my family and my best bud, i have pics just have to get them downloaded. we watched the demolition derby wich is always fun. my bf is normally in it but couldnt find a car but as he watched from the sidelines this year hes so determined to get a car for next year! there was 4 heaps wich means different classes of cars, small medium, large. a girl won for the small class and i believe guys won for the others. tonite if their car isnt too beat up they can be in it again and win big money.

ate some fried pickels wich werent that great, not much batter wich defeated the purpose. couple bites of my sons popcorn, a pit beef sandwich and that was it. i didnt even get a funnel cake so not bad! my bf got fried oreos they looked yummy but i didnt eat any. now im not gonna act like i just didnt want any of this stuff and im a good girl its mostly because i cant eat out too much when we go out, my tummy dont like it. i have IBS , sorry if too much info!

today is just a lazy lazy day, bf had to work and so hes home now and snoring away, had to get up real early.

tomorrow hopefully if it dont rain will be a day of cutting the grass wich really needs it and grocery shopping. hope everyones having a good weeked. later

iv got the greatest man

2010-07-29T00:32:00.003-04:00

I no iv said it alot but i just love my boyfriend, hes the best!

He ended up getting off early today, hes a truck driver. even though he was tired and falling a sleep when he sat down he went with me to my appt at the hospital, didnt even have to ask him! i love him so much and appreciate how much he does for me. if only others could be so blessed! ARE YOU READY TO THROW UP YET OVER THIS LOVE FEST LOL

the echo cardio gram wasnt too bad but dont like my boobies all out but i guess i need to get over that! they make you take your shirt off and no bra and put a gown on open in the front so that was alittle uncomfortable. i have no clue what i was looking at on that screen but i heard my heart so i no i do have one! lol i just hope everything looked good, fingers crossed!

we didnt end up going to burger/karaoke nite, bf was to tired and plus we really didnt wanna spend the money as we will be going to the fair tomm nite.
when we go to burger nite even though its build your own burger i normally get a grilled chicken sandwich as i dont like read meat much. i got a great comment on here about when i get a burger to take the bun off and thats a great idea and i could do that with the chicken as well, iv never done it but could deffiently start! any comment as long as its not mean is welcome here, im verrrrrry easy going! lol

oh has anyone ever had purple green beans????? we got some today from a friend and they said when you cook them they turn like a dark green. iv said many many times before i dont no how to cook good and iv never cooked fresh beans before just can lol so iv gotta figure out how to do this. we also got 100 ears of corn! couldnt pass up the deal, we will deffiently be freezing alot. well off to read some blogs before i crash, im getting sleepy! later

2010-07-28T11:23:00.002-04:00

I feel so sick.......
i no its just a case of the nerves! i get my echo cardio gram done in couple hrs and im not so much worried about that, well at least i think im not.

i have to go to the hospital to get this done by myself wich i hate, im use to my side kick aka my bf going with me to appts. he couldnt get off work early today though so i gotta be a big girl AND go by myself. i hate having anxiety it really sucks, makes me so nervous to just do the simple things in life, going places.

tonites burger/karaoke nite so i gotta see when bf is getting off work and if he wants to go.

i dont even really wanna talk about my weight right now but i gotta face the facts im gaining :( i dont no why im eating the same i was, nothings changed and i was loosing but now iv gained alot and feel like crap more than i normally feel like my crappy self! im gonna do all i can to eat good and see what happens and if i dont start loosing again im gonna chalk it up to my body being so screwed up right now with the problems i got.

well gotta go and hit the shower,a nice hot shower always makes you feel alittle better! later

what to say............

2010-07-26T23:54:00.003-04:00

So had a good weekend...... saterday we were suppose to go to the harrington state fair but didnt happen, they werent opening up till later in the day because of the extreme heat. we ended up going to a amish farmers market and just walked around. later that day we had dinner with my friend and then went to karaoke and had a good time! i didnt have my son all weekend , well till 5pm sunday! so it was a nice break for me and him. his aunt who watched him took him swimming and to the county fair, he rode rides so he had fun, although she said he would cry every so often, he missed me.

sunday we woke up to no a/c! you hear me no a/c that is a crime, im a baby i need air! its too darn hot around here for that. called bunch of stores and went to stores and no one had any window units couldnt belive it. well one place had them either walmart or kmart and the cheapest they had was $500 um yea no thanks! so called landlord and he said he would be out in the morning. so that nite had to suffer with no central air but we managed, had fans galore going! landlord came out today with a guy and he fixed it, sooooooooo happy! i lived 23 yrs of my life with my dad who we didnt a/c except in our room for at nite when going to bed, it would be like over 100 degrees in that house! crazy man dont like windows open! now days i couldnt live like that anymore! iv gotten spoiled i guess and old and fat lol

iv got this weird thing on my finger that happened the day after i ate crabs, dont no if its related or not. its a shiny itchy like round circle on the side of my finger, pretty nice size, have no clue what it could be ugh! my leg for 2 days has been hard as a rock and red, dont no what brought that on but it hurts! such problems always.

drs appt wednesday for a echo cardio gram(ultra sound of your heart) so i just wanna get that over with. going to the county fair this weekend to watch the demolition derby so that should be fun, hopefully its not too hot! well i guess thats it for now. im kinda slacking on reading blogs and commenting, alot on my mind with stuff going on. hope all is well. later

pics

2010-07-21T23:26:00.004-04:00

These are the yummy crabs my honey brought me home for dinner! they are cleaned and cooked with onions and garlic and seasoning OH SO GOOD!

The other picture is of my bichon/poo, her haircut

Thanks for the great comments and support i really appreciate it !

Later!

ugh what a day!

2010-07-20T22:04:00.002-04:00

Well i again was so dizzy today but new i had my appt with the surgion to talk about getting my gallbladder out. i met the dr and she was very nice but the appt didnt go like i thought it would..........

she was talking about my gallstones and how my mri came back that there looks like a stone is stuck in my duct and blocking something i didnt quite understand but what she got at is i cant get my gallbladder out till i go see a GI and get the scope put down my throat and see if there is a stone stuck and if so get it removed then the surgeon will do my surgery.

Then she gets to talking about she has my catscan reults i got it done almost 2 months ago and got my lungs checked. my rhemy dr had said i needed to go see a pulmonary dr but never said why. the surgeon starts telling me i have two masses on my lungs and they are big and it was written on the report in so many words that they cant say its not cancer! shes like dont start worrying but be prepared, im like huh???? i thought i was just getting my gallbladder stuff done and now shes freaking me out saying i might have cancer. so she asked when is my appt with the pulmonary dr, i told her i couldnt get in till end of next month. she said thats too long and she got me in today. so now i have like 5 appts i didnt have lol. oh and i come to find out i need oxygen, my levels got really low during a stress test so the dr said he would order me oyxygen. i have a sleep test next saterday and yada yada. im trying to stay positive and not think bad but its kinda hard. my mom started this way, things on her lungs and she died. im really trying to not get myself worked up, could be nuthin. this day has tottally just wore me out i just wanna go to bed!

theres just so much going on medically and with still no meds and insurance dont wanna pay so we gotta appeal............. ill be alright i no im just real down right now. anyway im not going to talk about it anymore and just live my life, cant let every rd block get me down. hope everyone is well. later

case of the dizzys

2010-07-19T01:49:00.002-04:00

Iv been dizzy for days but today was really bad! i wonder if its from me not taking that one med anymore that i ran out of hmmmmmmm, i really gotta get that straightend out. im just tired of getting the run around and i really just cant concentrate.

had a tomatoe sandwich with the farm tomatoes i bought , added some light mayo and yummo! i dont think i will ever ever buy a tomatoe at the grocery store again, they just seem to be so flavorless.

The band saterday nite was pretty good and i enjoyed myself, even had a corona w/ lime. okay i had 1 n 1/2 corona w/lime lol. i couldnt finish it all and it was making feel ick! i sat there from 830 till i guess 12 something. buy time i got home i was swelled up and hurting like a mofo!

a cool thing that happened though is the lady in the band came up to me and said your awesome and i was like huh??? she said i remember you from karaoke and you sing really good. i finally figured out why she looked formilure. iv only met her once and that was 3 yrs ago but YEA she remembered me right away lol. the band is having a summer bash next month at their home and will be having other bands there as well. she said i could get up and sing some songs with the band if i wanted, so cool!

Have plans to go out again this saterday with some friends hope i feel good enough!

my son lost his 2nd tooth last nite, thank god! hes been so whiny here latley and complaining about that tooth so im glad its out! iv just gotta try to play tooth fairy again , its a hard thing to do. if i go near him when hes sleeping sometimes he wakes up, so then i cant slip the money under the pillow. TRUST ME I TRIED LAST nite with no luck! i will try again here in a bit.

tuesday i see the surgeon for my consultation on getting my gallbladder out, i hope it goes well. i hate seeing new drs!!!! then later that nite is the seminar i have to go to for weight loss surgery. i filled out the 17 pages tonite that i have to turn in.

i hope i feel better this week cause this sucks, i was just starting to feel good...... hope everyone has a great week. later

headin out

2010-07-17T19:28:00.003-04:00

Im breaking free, im getting out! wahoooooo

Going to listen to a band tonite,its country/rock. its my friends band and this is their first show, iv never heard them play so looking forward to it. i also wanna see just how good they really are. see this guy the lead singer he comes to karaoke where i go and i like him and hes nice and he can sing good but can be really annoying! hes one of those guys that no's hes good and just acts cocky ugh really hate that!

i no i no i shouldnt because of my meds but i think im gonna have a beer, shush dont tell anyone! lol

its been a nice day so far, i slept in got showered we then went to a little amish produce market and i got me some tomatoes and corn on the cobb and some bananna bread. hope its tasty!

gonna go get ready for my nite out.......... hope everyone is having a good weekend. later

dropping like flies

2010-07-17T01:52:00.003-04:00

Man my followers are dropping like flies! You dont love me no more :( oh well i didnt start this blog for anyone but myself and if you choose to not follow anymore its your choice.

im alittle stressed / confused. i called my rheumatologist on tuesday early. i was directed to leave a msg so i did, i said i was out of meds and needed them i had no more refills and because the dosage on the bottle doesnt match what im suppose to accually take i keep running out to soon. so iv called the pharmacy everyday since tuesday hoping my dr called my meds in , no luck. here its friday and they did call them in, what the heck took so long! new problem! my insurance doesnt want to pay for my meds or give me what i need because something about they will pay for 3 pills and not 5 like i need and need some kind of authorization yada yada i really dont understand.

i just no i just got this new insurance in july and i dont like them already!!! meds that were suppose to be covered arent being covered etc, i really dont no what to do.

so im going on 4 days now without my IMURAN that im suppose to take everyday. i feel okay for now but im afraid its going to slowey sneek up on me. wich scares me and gets me to start worrying probably over nuthin but still.i take this for my muscles and it wasnt doing that great of a job alone so we added other stuff but if we have to cut this med out then what???? i dont need my progress to start going backwards when im trying to get weight loss surgery. its really hard for me to explain what i really mean and feel. anyway.........

went swimming today that was great! i made sure to jump around and move my legs as much as possible for exercise! my bf and son thought that was funny! had chinese for dinner, big mistake my tummy hasnt felt good sense and i have really really bad heartburn or how do i explain this dull ache in my tummy that just feels like its gonna explode any minute????

not sure whats on the agenda for the weekend..... hopefully get the truck washed and maybe go swimming again. hope everyone has a good one. later

the sun is out!

2010-07-15T16:29:00.002-04:00

This good mood today is brought to you by the SUN! its finally out! OH and it helps that iv lost 7lbs since yesterday lol. i tell you when i swell i swell.

i dont really have much to say but thought i write something anyhow. im just sitting here listening to some music.

had some yummy lowfat eggrolls! iv been craving chinese so bad, i dream of the buffet at nite haha.

incase you hadnt noticed im always all over the place when i write...... im the same way in my life, like when your talking to me. one minute we can be talking about something and ill jump to something else and then back to what we were talking about before. i guess i do that because ill forget what i have to say lol. although i do that when i shop as well. i see a shirt and keep going back to it like a couple times before i can truley make up my mind.

well gonna go, later!

whered the blogs go

2010-07-14T16:55:00.001-04:00

I tried reading blogs today but it said i have none i follow???? whats up with that, whered they go :(

bla bla bla

2010-07-14T16:40:00.003-04:00

Thats how i feel! iv felt just yucky since monday..... no energy, body hurting, bloated etc! im up 12lbs in a week ugh! i no im swollen i can really feel the difference and it sucks!

ITS MAKING ME SO DARN MISERABLE! luckley my bf no's if he comes home from work and im in bed that means i dont feel good and leave me alone lol.

even though i dont feel good we are going to go to karaoke/burger nite. i dont feel like cooking but for once in 2 days i dont really feel like eating either. im really just going so my son can get out of the house for a bit, its been miserable here for days with all the rain. we need it but i still hate it!

on a different note wish that when i plan something with someone or someone says they can or going to do something that i didnt have to keep worrying or checking up on them to make sure it was gonna happen. wish i more than like 1 or 2 people i could depend on, no questions asked!

carnival is here tomm in are town so might be taking the kid, depends on how he acts. hes been so mouthy latley but i think it has some to do with being stuck in the house . is no one reading my blog anymore , no one really leaves comments :( you could just say hi, bye, how the hell or you lol. well gonna go , later

party

2010-07-11T10:40:00.002-04:00

SO here i sit just waiting to get in the shower. my son is still sleeping!its 10:42 hes normally been up for couple hrs by now. ever since he got out of school for the summer hes been going to bed so late.... oh well he can enjoy it while he can till school starts back up.

we have a birthday party to go to today and so since its so hot! the kids will be on the super water slide as usual. momma here will be in the house with the a/c haha.

i tried some greek yogurt today since some of you rave about it and i wanted to see what it taste like........ not bad, alot less sweet than regular yogurt i think but id probaly buy again , more so if it went on sale. i normally just buy whats on sale if i can.

we went grocery shopping yesterday and spent lots of money, we only go once a month and so the bill was almost $400 geez! prices on food go up everytime i turn around. but now we got so much food in the house i dont no what to eat first. its bad when you dont have any food in the house but its just as bad when we have alot because then i think i eat more!

iv talked before on here about getting weight loss surgery and i finally did something about it. i called a place im interested in getting it done and tryed to set up an appt but was told i have to go to a seminar first. so they have one on the 20th of this month im getting my sister to go with me, hopefully she dont back out! after i go then i can get an appt with a surgion. im already thinking because im just miss suzie sunshine full of postiveness YEA RIGHT! that hes gonna say he cant do it right now because im not healthy enough yada yada. i hope thats not the case so thats why im just gonna go ahead with this anyhow and see what they say, you never no!

Im so suprised my bf is okay with this, i had to ask him because he takes such good care of me now would he want the added mess that im going to have to go thrue and hes fine with it. but of course he did say why are you doing this now you need to focus on getting your gallbladder out wich i am, i see the surgion on the 20th.

i guess because now i have insurance i wanna get done all that i need to get done before god forbit my insurnace ends. i no what its like to have no insurance and its hard! exspecially if you have to get test done all the time and lots of places now wont even see you without insurance!

i dont no maybe im putting to much on myself right now and this isnt going to be a good idea but for some reason i just gotta try!

we got our bichon/poodle a haircut yesterday,nails cut, ears cleaned, the works i love it! but if you seen her you wouldnt no what breed she is because she just doesnt look the same. i got her hair cut the shortest possible, she looks so skinny! we had to get her haircut because it got so long and curly and everytime we gave her a bath it would just get so notted up even when i brushed it and matted! the groomer said theres nothing i can do about it its gonna happen so we are gonna keep it short for now. this is officially my new fave grooming place, it cost $35 and they didnt knick her up at all like the other place and they put a bow on her coller :)

its a shame i need a haircut and highlight so bad but the dog got her hair done first lol

well gonna get off here and get ready. stay cool, later!

2010-07-07T00:44:00.004-04:00

Wow its been so hot and no end in site! today was around 100 and tomm is suppose to be too! I had a great weekend. saterday we went over bf cousins and had a bbq and put the water slide up. sunday i was feeling so bad!!!! bf went to walmart to see what he could do about getting me some predinsone. i ran out and called it in last week, i had just enought to last me till i picked up the prescription. well i had no refills. my dr had a week to call me some more in but ovouisly didnt, go figure! This is a medicine i have to have and i take it everyday. just going couple hrs without it my body was killing me and i felt like i had the flue. my bf managed to get me some from an old prescription, screw u drs office, im really not liking them right now! we went to my friends house for bbg and then we went and seen the fireworks. the place were we parked to see them we set up are chairs and there was accually dominos pizza there lol. the boys started begging for a pizza and so my friends dad bought the boys a pizza. a delivery person just walked around selling medium pizzas for $5. they just walk right up to where ever you were sitting, it was crazy to me lol, it was a nice time.

This sunday is my anniversary, me and my bf will have been together for 8 yrs! i no im probaly driving him crazy by keep reminding him of the day but for me its special. iv never been in a relationship this long so it means alot to me. we have no special plans, we accually have a birthday party to go to and thats about it. maybe i can get him to take me out to dinner saterday.

This week feels like its going by slow and im just miserable, just moody and not happy! i think i need to go swimming if i can ever get the vehicle to go.

im gonna try to post some pics of my son on the water slide. stay cool, later!

drs appts/crabs

2010-07-02T00:47:00.004-04:00

I FINALLY got my drs appts all set up im so happy! i put it off for long enough and then something just got me motivated today to stop delaying and just do it! good thing too, i couldnt get in to see the lung dr till august 19th and the 31st geez thats a long wait! i go see the surgeon on the 2oth of this month to talk about getting my gallbladder out, yay! so im moving along slowley but surley.

my mouth or i should say left gum is KILLING ME!!! i have what i believe to be a wisdom tooth coming in on my bottom row, the tooth dosent hurt its my gum, ouch! hope it goes away soon, i dont have dental insurance nor the funds for that right now!

my girly friend invited me to lunch tomm so we are going to don pablos/ mexican food. iv never been so hope its good, hope i can eat with this pain. i think im gonna stop and get some numbing type gel and see if that helps the pain.

we had crabs last saterday THEY WERE SO GOOD OMG! my bf's boss invited us over for crabs so we went. he cooks them like this, he takes off the shell and cleans them good then cooks them with old bay seasoning, onions, garlic and oh my heaven! you get spoiled so you wouldnt want a regular ole crab lol. we went swimming also it was a nice time. my sis n law watched my son, she offered so hey why not thats a bonus being kid free!

This weekend no real plans for saterday but sunday going to my girlfriends house for bbq and kids are gonna play on the water slide, fireworks after. it should be fun!

Thank god my insurance started for my medicine because im all out and i aint feeling too hot! i figured i could go one day without some pills but im deffiently getting them filled tomm!

i love my dad with all my heart but he just doesnt get it some times. i talked to him today and he was asking me how im doin...... well normally i dont say how i truley am doing health wise cause he doesnt understand but today i told him about the new drs iv gotta see etc....... he was like all you need to do is loose weight and you will be fine. WHAT????#?$?%/6/ this really pisses me off!I NO I NEED TO LOOSE WEIGHT GEEZ, but my problem isnt caused by my weight, iv even lost weight. he doesnt believe in taking medicine for anything and hes very old fashion. i think next time we talk i will just stick with im fine if he asks how im doing.

The weather here in MD has been beautiful and not to hot! wish it would stay that way but i no it soon shall pass.
well gonna go im alittle tired. hope everyone has a safe and fun 4TH! later!

im over it!

2010-06-23T21:57:00.002-04:00

When i read my post from earlier i realized it was a downer and i was having a mood swing! im better now and not so woa is me!

Had a great nite at burger nite and karaoke at the local bar/restaurant! had a yummy burger with mushrooms and cheese, couple fries.

might be getting crabs this weekend if the paycheck looks good. we no people who go crabbing so hopefully we can get a good deal.

hmmmmmmmm crabs, maybe a alchol beverage(yea right) i can dream on the drink, a nice ice cold pool, hope it happens!

tata

finally

2010-06-23T16:34:00.002-04:00

Well drs office finally called today, took em long enough! my dr wanted to no if i had made my appt with the lung dr yet wich i havent because i thought i could wait alittle longer since i need to get an appt with a surgion first for my gallbladder. so anyway my results showed that my lungs have changed and gotten worse, they were compared to Feb 09. so its like iv waited all this time and wanted a answer now i have one and all its done is freak me out!!! lol

i dont want a lung problem, my mom died from lung cancer and iv always been afraid im gonna die young like her. i need to stop thinking like that and just try to take care of myself the best i can.

i need to really call these people and get appts set up but i keep putting it off...... why??????? i think im just scared and rather pretend i dont have a problem. i guess its the same reason why i cant loose weight and keep it off. i figure im fat im not hurting anyone. but really im hurting myself. i just feel like theres so much going on with me right now its a little overwelming! i need to loose weight, iv got a lung problem, iv got muscle disease, iv got a bad gallbladder. its like what the hell else! iv gotta quit feeling sorry for myself and do something about it i no, thats the first step! sorry such a downer these are just the thoughts in my head today! its a hot one out there, stay cool. later

to be needed

2010-06-23T02:33:00.003-04:00

SOOOOO how is everyone?????? its wednesday the week is slowley moving along! tonites karaoke burger nite, and my friend from DE is suppose to be coming with us for the first time so it should be fun.

Just got to add in here lol going on hmmmmmm almost 3 weeks now, friday being 3 weeks. still dont have my catscan results! guess the insurance company paid $500 for nothing because i cant even get my darn results. im gonna call later today and see what escuse they give me this time, i called a week ago and was told they just had to get the fax hmmmmmmm. okay im done ranting for now!

my son being out of school is driving me crazy! and hes getting tired of being home and stuck in the house lol. i new this was going to happen...... i try to get him to go outside but he doesnt have anyone to play with. i wish i was one of those crafty moms who could sit there and make stuff with him but its just not me. i did color a picture with him today though, just one, thats all i could take!

i was asked by a friend today to do her a huge favor and really i was the only person she could turn to. I managed to do it! im so proud of myself! i needed to find alot of songs for her, her computer died, stuff i have never even heard of and make her a cd. she needed it by thursday for a benifet shes doing this weekend, shes a dj. i found all the songs after searching and made a cd, im not very good on the computer and manage to always mess up something so for me to do this and it to come out right im so darn happy! i like doing things for people....... well stuff that i dont ALWAYS HAVE TO DO like laundry, cook, clean etc. for once someone needed me and not the other way around. it seems like the last 2 yrs iv lost my confidence and feel like i cant do anything i always need someone to do something for me. so this benifet im suppose to be going to also, its friday evening and its for 24hrs, its for cancer. my friends the djs asked me to go because they will be having different activitys going on like a walking relay, stuff for children, dancing etc. they will be having bands and karaoke also, thats where i come in lol. so ill get to sing so im excited about that. iv gotta get thinking about what i want to sing.
well im tired so im gonna try to get some sleep. later

2010-06-20T23:09:00.002-04:00

Soooooo how is everyone???
we had a good weekend around here. saterday we decided to have a bbq at bf's familys house and they asked us to bring are huge water slide over so we did. my son and their granddaughter had a blast. the water slide is so much fun, not that iv ever been on it. we bought it a year ago and only used it like once it takes up alot of space we really dont have, yard wise, but bf and son just had to have it! so brought it out first time for the season and looks like everyone had such a good time and asked us to bring it next weekend. it holds up to 400lbs. i just sat in a chair and enjoyed the view, wish i could drink that would have been even better, a nice drink in my hand! dont wanna chance that though till i get this darn gallbladder out.

today daddys day we just relaxed at home. i got my bf a card and our son made him some cards and stuff. it was sooo hot today 95', alittle too hot for me. i wanted to go swimming but bf didnt feel like going and i didnt feel like driving myself so we didnt :( im gonna get to that pool this week though thats for sure!

so on health front i finally gave in and called my drs on wednesday because by this time it was almost 2 weeks i hadnt gotten my reults back yet from my pee test or catscan. i got a hold of someone in the ofc and my pee test came back fine but when i asked about catscan it was like huh????? i was like yea i got that done week n half ago almost 2....... oh let me call hospital and see if they can fax it over. well that was wednesday and tomm will be monday i havent heard a thing! i hate when this crap happens and people dont no where your results are! but anyway iv accually felt pretty good latley, pain wise. i think the new pill the dr has me on is helping out and i can move my muscles alot better than i have been for awhile. im not as stiff and swollen as i was so somethings working! i managed to get just 2 weeks of meds instead of a months worth since i was out of them and my new prescription plan doesnt start till the 1st. so i didnt have to pay as much. thanks to those who suggested doing that!

my new insurance confuses me still but im sure ill understand it more down the rd, i have medicare. i thought they only pay 80% but when i got catscan done i got a bill that said almost $500 but insurance covered it all THANK GOD! so i guess they pay for hospital stuff 100% AND like other stuff 80%??? who no's ill figure it out eventually lol. well thats it for now. hope everyone has a good week and hugs to anyone going thrue a tough time right now! later

I won an AWARD yea me!

2010-06-17T22:46:00.004-04:00

Thanks so much for giving me an award, my blog aint much, but THANK YOU!

Okay so gotta thank Diary of a transplanted southerner for the award! gotta tell you 7 things about me you might not no. then choose 5 blogs to recieve the award.

7 things about me hmmmmmmm
1.when i get nervous or try to talk to someone i dont no i sometimes studder and jumble my words lol
2.i have a potty mouth, not so much the crude words its the cursing i need to work on!
3.im a twin- a fraturnal twin that is and no we dont get along, imagine that!
4.i love to read, anything suspense/ romance
5.im terrified of bugs, i dont want anything crawling on me!i think my loving twin did this to me from when we were little always throwing bugs on me, he tramatized me :P
6.i come from a big family you just wouldnt no it! i have 3 brothers, two sisters, im the baby!
7.i really wanna be a married woman. oh well someday!

okay heres the blogs i chose......i love you all but cant choose you all :( what would really suck is the blogs i choose dont even read mine anymore lol! that would happen to me hehehe

1.tjs test kitchen
2.adventures of gastric girl
3.rough draft
4.what is left of a whole new life
5.no more diet drama

Wow that was hard picking people, can i just say i dont like doin that :( would have chose some others as well but i dont no who reads my blog since i get few comments......... well thats it for now iv got a headache gonna pop some meds and chill. later

2010-06-15T23:11:00.003-04:00

I had a great day peeps! i accually felt good today, yay me!
so went to the pool party and of course it was fun and i over analized and dramatized as usual and suspected the worst! i no i make things out to be so much bigger than they are, unfortuanally thats me lol. my son had a blast, he did not want to get out of that inground pool. i wanted to get in so bad , that water looked like heaven, but i was not getting my big butt in there in front of everyone. no parents got in but that teacher did in the end.

everyone new everyone like i new would happen, except me! they didnt no who i was lol. some of the parents talked to me so that was cool but again everyone else new everyone already from class trips and coming to the classroom, iv never been on a trip or to his class. i hope for the new school year to work on that and maybe go on some school trips and functions at school instead of being too nervous!my son when we got home from the party just kept saying thank you and hugging me for taking him. it really did make me happy to see him so happy! hes knocked out, he ate alittle something and went to sleep at 9. i checked in on him and he was bundled under the covers. love how a pool can wear your kid out lol!

tomorrows karaoke nite at the local neighborhood resturant so we will probobly go.

ill be glad when my son is finally done school so then hopefully we can start going swimming at the familys pool, that water is calling my name now.

i have a delima.......im out of some meds starting tomm but my new prescription insurance doesnt start till the 1st. what to do what to do! i would pay for it myself but its exspensive, couldnt be one of the meds that is only $4 it would have to be the one closer to $100. so what do you do in this situation? just suck it up and try to pay for it or can i get like walmart to somehow just wait and charge my insurance when it starts. thats it for now , later!

just wanted to say

2010-06-15T01:56:00.002-04:00

If you think I'm mean you don't know me. If u think im nice you know me alittle. If you think im CRAZY your probably my best friend!

i love this saying! its me totally! i have my crazy qurks about me and you gotta love that about me or hate it! but in the end when you become my friend and are good to me, you have me as a friend for life! if you have good people in your life hold on to them and appreciate them, they are hard to come by these days.

2010-06-15T01:23:00.002-04:00

Well had a good weekend AND a great lunch with my friend on sunday, im so blessed to have her as a friend! whats crazy is iv known this girl for 15 yrs, she was my best friends sister. weve always talked and stuff, shes a little younger than me. anyway we always got along but just werent that close. well last november she helped me out with my birthday party and weve just gotten real close since then. its wierd how things happen. its like why didnt we have this kind of friendship all along you no??? shes truly a good friend and one that in what feels like forever i can trust and depend on! im still close with her sister who was my best friend and shes awesome too but shes always wrapped up in her own life and i cant blame her shes got alot on her plate. so anyway i get invited to family functions and girls nite out wich i love because my family isnt close and we dont get together so this is my second family and yea it took fifteen years for me to finally feel at home lol. i have moved alot and stuff so i wasnt around these people as much hense the just feelin at home now after so long lol. anyway just glad that in this stage of my life wich physically isnt my best im truely happy and have my true friends wich isnt many but thats okay and people who love me in my life. for once i do feel the love! i really do believe its best to not have alot of friends because alot really arent truley there for you and really want the best for you. so if i die with only 2 friends im okay with that!

today at 6pm is the pool party.......... im so dreading this, im exspecting the worst. its gonna be sooooo hot! i no i can do this, i no i can do this lol. i even bought my own folding chair over the weekend because i was told she wouldnt have enough seats and some would have to sit on the ground, its a picnic pool party. well if i sit on the ground i wont be getting up, i wont be able to, we cant have that. so im prepared! im bringing ice pops wich was requested and i just hope i can try to relax and have a good time. dang wish they were having some alchol that would help, a beer ???? oh wait this is a kids party ooops sorry!
i threatened my son all last week and over the weekend if he was bad your not going......i so hoped he would be bad but no, he really has been kissing up!

Guess what ..... still no damn test results yet im getting pi$$y now, its been over a week. i think im gonna have to break down and call and see whats up. so i guess im not dieing since they havent called but i still wanna no something.

my eye kept twitching today , that is very annoying!
the scale is being kind to me at the moment even though iv fed myself alot of junk this weekend, will i ever learn and quit doing good and then intentially start doing bad! thats it for now , later

im up im up

2010-06-13T10:37:00.002-04:00

NO not my weight wich yesterday when i weighed it was the lowest its been in awhile but then of course i ate. we ended up going to dennys, i had a side salad and then a chicken sandwich with fries, and lots of ranch dressing! bad bad i no! anyway i came home and weighed like a dummy, well just for fun and i was up 5 pds. wow didnt no you can gain that much like that lol. didnt eat anything else till 10 and had a can of vegetible soup and went to bed around 2.

im so miserable right now, i hate having to get up early because i just dont do mornings and thats when i feel my worst. i have a headache and feel sick to my stomache, this why i really dont eat breakfast. i sure hope my meds kick in soon i have a lunch date at 2!

its sooooo hot out today and humid, i like sunny days dont get me wrong but i dont enjoy hot days! im more happy in like fall , spring type weather! oh well cant control nature. bf still sleeping i hope he manages to cut the grass today it needs it, i hate when it starts to get long it looks so messy. it never fails, the neighbor on one side will cut their grass and so will the other and we havent and we are in the middle so we really stick out like a sore thumb! lol

tryed to find out where my sons teachers house is for the party tuesday, i wanted to have an idea so i dont spend all day trying to find it by myself. we found it i think, we forgot to bring the accual address but we were in her neighborhood. what can i say........ wow these houses are beautiful and huge and new! her husband must have a really good job because she didnt buy that on her salery im sure! these were like my dream home! anyway gonna get off here and get my son something to eat. hope everyone has a wonderful sunday, stay cool! later

beautiful hot saterday

2010-06-12T14:43:00.003-04:00

SO i hear its hot outside but im not going to find out anytime soon, ill just stay right here and listen to my music! something about music can just put you in a better mood or get you moovin! for me it gives me a adrenaline rush like iv just drank a cup of coffee lol im very sensitive to caffeine and dont drink reg soda and rarley diet because it can me feel really sick, so if music gives me a rush i will take it!

bf and son are out doin their own thing and thats okay i like me time, quite time! they should be home soon though we have to go to walmart to pick up some stuff. not really sure what else we will get into.

im hungrey but i wont eat......... this is why i have a weight problem i go all day without eating till like around 4 then i eat and then it seems all nite i wanna eat. iv done this for as long as i can remember and i dont no why. i no its no good for me and duh i dont loose weight but when youve done it for so long its hard to break the cycle. if i ate 3 times a day or every 4 or 6 hrs i feel like im pigging out lol but i dont feel that when i go all day till evening to eat?????? i just dont get myself sometimes.

im going to lunch with my friend tomm we are going to bugaboo creek, they have really good food and my fav..... onion soup. we are going at 2pm. see when i eat lunch with her im normally good the rest of the day, i not hungrey till like 10pm
hopefully if i end up getting weight loss surgery i can learn to eat better and at the right times. its on my TO DO LIST!

This week will be my son last week of school and then he will be going into 1st grade! im so excited, i really wasnt sure if he would pass kindergarden, they exspect them to no alot more these days but he did good. hes learned how to read and tell time alittle, im very shocked! my sons teacher is having a pool party on tuesday and only one parent could bring their kid and well who do you think has to take my son..... ME! this really scares me, i dont do well with people i dont no. i can be really shy unless i feel comfortable with you. But im trying to look at this as a good thing, it will make my son so happy and he wants me to meet his friends. i hope his bestfriend will be there because then i can hopefully talk to his mom and see about him coming over one day during the summer so him and my son can play and go on this super water slide we have. theres no kids for my son to play with around here so hes always bored out of his mind and he dont like going outside. I no i can do this and its only for 2hrs, its not as bad as i make it seem in my head and im sure i will have a good time, if not oh well ill get over it. see i gotta try to talk to myself positive, even if its a lie hehe

i feel lighter today, im sure iv lost something......

well thats it for now, hope everyone is having a good day. later

2010-06-08T23:46:00.002-04:00

Today wasnt a bad day but wasnt good either. nothing happened i just wasnt happy and didnt feel peppy like yesterday. i wanted to be alone and have quite! once my son gets home from school though its time for the noise and hes so loud, iv gotta constantly tell him quit yelling lol. i was so glad when his father came home and took him out with him to run some errands so i could be alone. just one of those days where loud noise , jumping around etc was driving me crazy. still no results yet from my test..........maybe tomm??? i can only hope.

I was watching this show earlier called bait car or something like that, people are so dumb, trying to steal cars. i feel no sympathy for people who steal etc. thats why i hardley trust anyone these day.

write now im watching a show dealing with people with ocd. now iv joked before and said im alittle ocd and i think i really am but man these people i feel so bad for them, it controls their life majorally! i get real anxouis having to go places by myself , dont no why but i do. i get nervous calling people on the phone , dont no why lol. when i dont clean my house wich is alot less often then before, i use to vacuum my floors twice a day now im lucky if i do it every other day. anyway it haunts me, i feel soo dirty if i dont get it done and ill think about it all day. BUT i try to not let it control me, iv had to say to myself there is more to life then wether i vacuumed the floor that day, even if it makes me feel good. so i have some deep issues wich im sure come from my up bringing but you gotta try to not let it control you. wish i could say the same for food, thats an issue too! oh and dont get me started on shoes worn in the house i cant stand that and dont allow it.

Man i shouldnt watch this show it makes me think to much! lol

so hopefully we will be going to karaoke tomm nite wich is burger nite! dont feel much like having a burger but it would be nice to go out for even an hr.

iv gained 5 pds :( not happy but i keep loosing and gaining the same 5pds couple times aweek. i no my eating could be better and i need to watch that. damn that orange cake haunting me in the kitchen. see i do something nice for bf, bake him a cake and now its like i wanna just keep eatin it lol. thats why i havent made a cake in over a year. i feel like all over the place, my mind is just racing.

i think im gonna try to go to sleep. awesome to see i have some new readers, Yay! SORRY im not intresting to read, i wasnt blessed with story telling lol. later

waiting.........

2010-06-08T00:22:00.002-04:00

I hate waiting!
im not a patient person..... well i am when it comes to certain things but not when it comes to results!
i had the pee test done thursday and catscan on friday so im waiting for my results. i just wanna no something. its like tell me something already. im hoping and i no this sounds crazy but i hope they do find something so that im not crazy and the pain i was feeling is real and just so i no whats going on with me. if they dont find anything then its like hmmmm where do we go from here, i hate that! most of the time you give up and just deal with the problem then, then to have to look into it further.

friday nite we went out for karaoke after my test and had a good time. it was nice seeing friends i havent seen in while, plus to sing, i love to sing!
the rest of the weekend was pretty boring, it was just another weekend.

Today was the love of my life aka my boyfriends birthday, he turned 38 today, man hes getting old lol j/k
i cooked him a roast and mash potatoes and corn for dinner. i say i cant cook and i really cant that well but i make a good roast or so my family says! i put it in the crockpot with some onions and ajue or however you say and some seasoning and just let it do its thing. 7 hrs later its falling apart and soaking up the juice, yum yum love my crockpot! i also baked him a orange cake with buttercream frosting that i added some orange astract to, he likes orange cake so thats why i chose that. so it was a nice day and i accually felt pretty good today, got stuff done around the house wich always makes me happy.

dont no whats in store this week but hopefully its a good one. later......

got some things done

2010-06-03T21:51:00.002-04:00

MY BF DIDNT have work today so he was able to take me to some offices to fill out papers and then i got my pee test done and have an appt tomm nite to get catscan done. had to drink that nasty milky stuff, yuck! then drink the rest an hr before my appt yippie lol. got my new meds and here in a bit gonna test out this muscle relaxer lol i hope it dont make me feel sick.

so bascially as long as i get this stuff done thats on my list i will be fine, if i dont i just keep thinking and thinking about it, im like a liitle ocd i think! i can stress myself out over the stupidest things and i hate that.

money is an issue right now and so im stressed! we bought this truck we needed so we could accually get around without fear of breaking down but it sucked are money supply down. bf hasnt had much work latley wich is scary, normally winter is the time we struggle not summer! so i have that worry on my plate right now and trying to figure out where we can cut back. im very glad my new medical insurance will help with all these test and drs i have to see are id be stressing about that.

I no i'll get through it, everyone has hard times! thanks everyone for your comments i no it seems i whine and cry all the time about how i dont feel good lol its my nature unfortuanlly and its my life. my blog is for me to write how i feel wether it be nuthing but whining its my blog so either read it or dont!

no one said anything to me to make me write the last sentence. i guess i just feel guilty sometimes with all my complaining and like i have to make my blog about what people wanna read. but i realize these are my feelings and im tired of caring so much about what other people think!

this is going to be a hot summer! this week so far has been sooo hot, humid, if you have trouble breathing in general its not good! PRAISE THE LORD FOR A/C!!! lol i serouisly dont think i could go back to not having it. grew up my 20 some yrs with out it, met my bf and hes just gotta have it are thinks hes dying so now im the same way! thats it for now......

i wanna hide

2010-06-01T22:32:00.003-04:00

Had a good weekend, went to cowtown and made it around the fleamarket but got wore out like i figured would happen. sunday went to my friends familys house and had a good time, ate good food and the kids played on the water slide. it was a nice hot day for it!

Today i went to my rhemy drs appt. he said my muscle test came back good and my levels have went down so that was good. i told him though iv been so sick it seems ever since we increased my one med and so he decided that even though its helping my levels to go down that we should lower the meds back down and see if i feel any better since its making me feel ill! iv gotta get a pee pee test and a catscan done to find out whats going on with this pain on my left side as he he has no clue, wich i figured he would say. also wants me to set up appt for a pulmologist lung dr as im having harder time breathing....... then i gotta set up appt to see the surgeon to get my gallbladder out....... plus gotta set up appt for john hopkins so i can see the rhemy dr there, just waiting on my drs office to fax referrel and records. IM OVERWELMED! i hate calling people and normally keep putting it off but i no i cant. i just get so darn overwlemed. i need someone to just make all my appts for me and ill go, how does that sound lol. he called in prescription for new pain meds as the oxycodone just makes me feel sick and he called in muscle relaxer for the spasms im having. i said to the dr even though you say the muscle test came back lower i dont feel any different....i guess i thought we get down this low i should feel like hop skipping around, have all the energy in the world, so not the case. he said i probobly wouldnt feel much difference and wont till we get where we need to be. i just wonder if its my mind set holding me back. iv felt bad for what seems like so long do i no what it feels like to feel good again. im my worst enemy!

anywhoo its hot and gonna be hot the rest of the week in the 80's and close to 90's whoa baby! well thats it for now

i did it!

2010-05-28T22:47:00.002-04:00

Well......
i went to the graduation and was glad i went! at first it was very uncomfortable and i didnt no what to say how to act but later i was fine. my family members i was having problems with we ended up having a heart to heart and they apologized and said theyve missed me alot! i said i appreciated it and am glad we are trying to fix are relationship but....... i cant just jump back in like that, i was hurt, you need to win back my trust because right now its just not there!

we ended up going to dinner aferwards at bugaboo creek wich is yummy resturant. i got home late that nite, not till 11:30 or so. i no now i will never be in a rush to say yes to going to a graduation, they are longggg!

SOO then ever since thursday iv been so sick! iv got pain on my left side of my body up to my shoulder and muscle spasms. i have no clue whats going on. i had the same thing couple weeks ago and it lasted for couple days. its very painful and i can hardley move. iv been popping pain pills and in bed alot! iv been told it could be something with my kidneys. i really wish i had went to er when it first started...... but no i hate the er and just suffer with the pain, yet that doesnt help me because i dont no what the heck is going on with me! i see my rhemy tuesday so ill tell him and see what he says, probobly send me to get an mri. im hoping its just side effects from meds or something and not really my kidneys, GOD i cant take no more!

we are going to try to venture to cowtown tomm morning, its a big indoor outdoor flea type market. i havent been there in a long time. im hoping i feel well enough to go, iv felt better today but still have pain when i cough or bend a certain way, bend over. i invited my friend to go so fingers crossed. well even if i dont feel good i can just suck it up for a bit! if i never went anywhere as bad as i feel most
days id really have no life or enjoyment so gotta suck it up!

so basically looking forward to the weekend, iv got plans lol! hope everyone has a good one.

letting go of the hurt

2010-05-25T23:22:00.002-04:00

Had a pretty good day today.......... went and got my bloodwork done, so im glad i got that out of the way. went to the carnival tonite and my son had fun! it wasnt much of a carnival only about 12 or maybe a little more rides. they only had cotton candy there nothing else so i couldnt get myself in trouble eating junk! lol luckley i dont care for cotton candy.

got a very unexspected phone call from someone i hadnt spoke to in a month or more. we parted not so good and feelings were hurt, mostly mine! anyway i was asked to go to their graduation and at first i was like HELL NO, thinking this to myself. i didnt wanna go because i still have hurt feelings and im not one to pretend all is okay and good now, my face will say it all! lol but i got to thinking, its family, i gotta pull up my big girl panties and be the bigger person and set my feelings aside for a couple hrs. i just hope i can do it! iv gotta go somewheres iv never been wich freaks me out, be around some others wich have hurt me and try to be civilized, its going to be hard.......... but i no if i can do this that im trying and trying to better myself and do things that i would normally not do because it makes me uncomfortable. im also going because im proud that this person is finishing school, i never finished high school and regret it soooooo very much and have tried the nite school thing and tryed to do the ged but just couldnt ever do it. when things get to hard i tend to quit! so anyway thats that. thanks to all that comment on my blog, i appreciate your comments! lol

im starving

2010-05-25T01:59:00.002-04:00

im soooo hungrey, or so i think i am! im watching diners drivein and dives , not to smart of me lol. my weekend was pretty uneventful........ saterday i just pretty much layed around as i wasnt feeling the greatest and just had no energy. my loving boyfriend brought me steamed shrimp that day, yum! love that man! sunday just hit walmart for are usual weekley stuff we buy like milk, bread, meds , you get the idea.

this week is busy, well busy to me. keep in mind 7 days out of the week i get out maybe once or twice. i need to get blood work done this week so ill have my results by next week , i have a rhemy appt. i need to hit another spot to fill out some papers. daddy wants to take our son to the carnival that is here this week so he mentioned going tomm. dont no whats on the ajenda sat, was invited to a bbq from a friend but not a friend i see very often and shes going to have tons of people there i wont no and that makes me uncomfortable so im sure im not going. sunday friends invited us over for memorial day party so we are going to that. i have to make either brownies or peanutbutter tandycakes. i will need my bf's help in the kitchen as desserts or cooking are not my thing nor am i that good at it!lol. so feels like a busy week to me lol to some this is what they do in a day lol

my boyfriends birthday is coming up its the 7th and i just dont no what to do for him. i normally just get him a card and tell him to go buy himself something pretty lol i dont no what to buy him, id rather you get something you like as he never likes what i pick out anyhow. so iv gotta try to make some escuse to get the truck as he takes it to work everyday, he doesnt need to though. iv gotta get the truck and get to the store so i can buy a card and buy him a cake or something. but ......trying to get the truck isnt easy as he no's i never rarley go anywhere and i hate to drive so iv gotta really think about this.

i kinda am looking forward to summer now so i can get out of the house and maybe go swimming???? family has inground pool that they open up and hopefully will this year and no one hardley ever gets in it. i think and i no this will be good for me and my muscles, plus it will give my son something to do.

ugh the 22 pds i lost recently are creeping up on me! i gained 5 back in 2 weeks, could be worse. i guess im not feeling as bad and im eating more,i cant live on soup and crackers. i am swollen so at least couple of those pounds is that. i just no i need to try and watch what i eat the best i can because i dont want nor need to gain any weight!

well i guess thats it for now, im getting tired! have a good week.

survey

2010-05-19T23:37:00.002-04:00

Got this off another blog, can i buy another vowel? going from fat to fit!since i have nothing really to say today as its just been another day, here you go!

1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed?
closed, i never have my door opened unless getting clothes out, dont want my cat getting hair on my clothes.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
most deffiently, ill take whatever is free!

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
well we have a fitted sheet on the bed but i lay on it and bf sleeps under it, i cant be under it i feel smothered! i also sleep with one leg outside the cover unless im toooo cold :P

4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?
ahhhhhh bees id be more likley to live.

5. Do you have freckles?
I do, you only see them though when i get some sun. im pretty white right now so i havent seen them in awhile.

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
wow i have many! liars, unreliable people, fake people, etc etc i could go on and on.....

7. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yes not that i wanted to but had no choice. growing up you could say i was kinda prissy so peeing in the woods wasnt nice lol i think i was just afraid of peeing on my clothes!

8. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?
um not really

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
naaaaaa i just tap them.

10. Is it ok for guys to wear pink?
i suppose, depends on the guy and what color pink!

11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
mcdonalds sweet n sour, honey mustard

12. What is your favorite food?
chinese food, italian sub.......

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
cindarella man, beetlejuice, anything animated!

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
nope

15. Can you change the oil on a car?
deffiently not

16. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
no thank god! never got pulled over either!

17. Ever ran out of gas?
nope im very aware of the gas gage!

18. Are you lazy?
i most deffiently can be....

19. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
really whatever we could make , parents didnt wanna spend money on custumes. i was a crayon, grape,baby, some scary thing, who nos what else.

20. How many languages can you speak?
just english

21. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
cant really say i dont watch enough

22. Do you sing in the car?
yes most deffiently, singing is my life!

23. Ever eat a pierogi?
Yes very tasty!

24. First concert?
ummmm as i was too poor to ever see boy bands growing up my first was when i was around 19,20 and it was brooks n dunn in atlantic city.

25. Where would you be able to spend hours and be happy?
at the beach listening to the waves!

26. What’s your favorite kind of doughnut?
Glazed or something they have around here called managers special..... chocolate glazed donut cut in half with frosting or some kind of thick whippy cream in between and sprinkles on top!

27. Do you have any tattoos or piercings?
3 tattoos, couple holes in my ears. use to have my tongue pierced but took that out 2 years ago.

28. Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone?
my boyfriend. none of my friends call me they text wich i hate! miss the old days when thats what you had to do.

29. Are you still friends with the people you knew in middle school or high school?
i have still one good friend from highschool. i was very shy so didnt make friends easley :(

30. What is the last thing you ate?
wheat thin crackers

31. What did you want to be when you grew up?
A singer!

32. Name three things that are close to you:
My cell phone, remote,cup

33. What was your best subject in school?
english

34. What is your favourite restaurant?
hmmmmm applebees right now because i love their onion soup!

35. Any hidden talents?
not a hidden talent but iv been told i sing really good.

36. What is your favourite girl’s name?
I have a couple of fav's, miley, lilly,cheyanne

37. Would you rather be a rock star or a famous athlete?
rockstar!

38. What are you wearing right now?
grey shirt, pajama capris with hearts and design on them

39. Did you graduate from college?
nope, didnt even finish highschool, regret it all the time!

40. Do you have any nicknames?
not really just trace, tray, or my recent TT (friend gave it to me as a joke, had to be there!

41. How do YOU de-stress?
go be by myself and listen to music, read a book

42. What’s the longest amount of time you’ve gone without food?
i think just 2 days

Well thats it now you no alittle more about me, arent you so happy YAY, NOT! LOL

great weekend

2010-05-18T00:58:00.002-04:00

I had a great weekend!

saterday we didnt do that much, i spent it with my boyfriend and son and it was nice. we just took a drive on country roads and then went out to eat and then ended up at bf's cousins house and and just hung out!

sunday i went to lunch with girlfriends at carrabas italian resturant and it was so fun, food wasnt bad either! had an awesome waiter, sooooo nice and just friendly, wish they could all be like that. i tasted some different wines as you can do that and i wanna become a wine drinker but just dont see it happening lol. i just dont really like that taste. i need to find a wine that taste like grape juice and id be hooked lol. food isnt cheap though so i dont think i will be going back anytime soon. we get togther at least once amonth now and try different places so who no's where we will end up next time.

on a sad note i couldnt stop crying today...... there was a house fire around here and 3 children died, mom lived but is pretty burnt. come to fine out the one child rode my sons bus and was his friend. everytime i think about those kids crying and screaming for help and their mom couldnt help them it breaks my heart and then to find out the boy is the same age as my son it just made me think of my son and what would i do if this happend. life and stuff that happens really just sucks some times! we stressed to are son today fire saftey and to never play with candles, matches etc! whats cute is someone in his class told him this boy that died is an angel now and will always be around so my son when he got hom said tucker is with me, hes an angel and all nite he was like my sons imaginery friend, he played with him and talked to him and wanted me to talk to him.......im just glad my sons taking it well.

weight on friday was the same its been but sat i was up 5 pds and i wasnt happy, i was swollen. i weighed today and im back down so im happy!

planning on having boneless barbique, i no i spelled that wrong lol but i cant for the life of me right now rememeber how to spell lol. anyway ribs, iv never cooked them before so im going to have to google or look up something so i dont ruin them!

well heres to a good week, i hope!

GOOD WEEK

2010-05-14T00:35:00.002-04:00

This has been a good week so far, havent felt sick and im so happy, hope it last!

im craving vegitable soup, dont no why, guess i auta make some tomorrow!

boyfriend was a cranky butthead tonite and went to bed early, thank GOD! im miserable alot i admit that but when he is, watch out! its few far and between wich is good.

im hoping that i feel good this weekend so we can go do something wether it just be go to the farmers market or just take a drive, i need to get outta this house! even though i ate more this week then i have in while my weight has stayed the same so im glad. im going to weigh in tomm in see what the scale says. i hate that im turning obsessive with the scale again. when your loosing its so nice and you wanna weigh all the time and when your gaining you hide the scale and dont want no parts of it lol

well thats it for now.......happy friday

had a great mothers day!

2010-05-10T00:16:00.003-04:00

Well today was a nice day...... i felt okay for once in many days. my bf got me a basket of flowers from my son for me and my son made me some cute stuff, it was a nice mothers day!

we didnt do anything but lay around really but oh well. went to the grocery store as we really needed to go, we only go like once a month and we were down to nuthin. iv been saying i want fruit, tons and tons of it. with my stomache issues iv been having and never nowing what i can eat anymore i stocked up on my fav chicken noodle soup and crackers and got this huge bowl of mixed fruit, has strawberrys, grapes, watermelon, kiwi, cantalope, pinapple and who no's what else, oh blueberrys, no rasberrys :( this thing cost $16 but what you gonna do for a craving, it was like another mothers day gift lol. i miss my mommy today she died when i was 5 and my father never remarried. i dont have many memories as she was sick all the time, she had lung cancer and a brain tumor wich she died from. i dont remember much like i said but i no she was a good mom! i no my life would feel more fulfilled if she was alive but i will never forget her.

ran into an old friend while at the grocery store and right away she says you look good, you lost weight? i said na im sure iv gained but i have lost 22 pds here recently from being sick but to her since i havent seen her in a yr iv lost around 40, 50 pds. so its nice to get a compliment once in awhile and on mothers day to boot!

my new insurance starts june 1st and i just cant wait iv gotta get making an appt to see a surgeon about getting this dreaded gallbladder out and then i was going to look into............ weight loss surgery, either the lapband or gastric, but i have to see if its even possible right now with me being sick all the time and having a auto ammune disease. i no i can loose weight on my own but i cant ever keep it off, i always gain back, i need something to help me and these surgerys would be the answer. today i was thinking with how little iv been eating and how i gotta watch everything because my stomache is so screwed up its almost like iv already had something done. im getting the idea of how restricted i will be and how i will be giving up so much food, its scary! i no food isnt your life but its what has gotten me thrue my ups and downs growing up , so i really need to make sure this is what i wanna do and then move on and see if i get approved by my insurance.

i hope i get thrue this week without being sick to much, if it gets to bad i will have to call the dr and see what we can do. hope everyone had a good mothers day and have a good week!

sooooo

2010-05-06T00:09:00.002-04:00

So we all no i can be a miserable a$$ GASP!lol today i was quite miserable, im just so tired of not feeling good i just wanna be alone! i mean everything EVERYTHING was iritating me today, the cat the dog, the bf, the kid, i just wanna find them all a new home and be alone! i no deep down down im just not happy with myself and the guilt i carry around with me makes me just want to be alone , when i really dont want to be. i have guilt that im not a good girlfriend anymore because im always not well but i do tell him and thank him for everything, just dont feel its good enough! i have a wonderful bf and even though we have a great relationship im always waiting and thinking one day hes gonna get fed up with me and being sick and just not wanting to do things, i no he misses the old me, DAMN i do too! shes inside of me and i no one day she will be back but in the mean time how can i besides telling him always, show my love and appreciation??? i feel like a bad mom because my son likes attention and even though i dont have a life really i find myself pushing him away sometimes, dont want to be bothered........... i hate hurting my son i love him soooooo much . i wish he could go to someone else right now till i can get all better and then i can give him the attention he needs. telling him i love him isnt good enough i need to really show it but i just get so frustrated and impatient and wanna be alone. i do try to explain to him why i am the way i am but hes six what do i espect hes not going to understand. he just nos im moody and i yell and am not happy and i wanna be alone. I HATE THAT! so i guess what i need to no is i no how how i am, where do i go from here????? i dont no what brought this on tonite i guess just feeling sad, not for myself but just the people i love, i dont mean to be the way i am sometimes, the guilt always hits me later. i no one day im sorry will not be good enough..............

whens it gonna end!

2010-05-04T21:39:00.002-04:00

iv been so sick its driving me crazy! ever since i started my higher dosage on my meds i havent felt that good but i could get thrue the day. well last thursday and friday i had a fever and chills etc so that wasnt good. i needed to be better by saterday because that was the day i was going to the psychic party and to meet up with some old friends.

so saterday comes i think im gonna be alright and for the most part i was till around evening time came. it was time to get something to eat so we went to hibachi, i had only had a granola bar that morning. but when i got my chicken and shrimp and rice, veggies etc i only ate few bites and i was done i just wasnt feeling good. i came home and went straight to bed, woke up 2 hrs later felt fine and got up and got a drink. well couple hrs later i woke up with A GALLBLADDER ATTACK! UGH anyone who nos me i suffer from these so bad like 2 times a yr and i dont even have to eat or drink anything for it to arrupt! so needless to say i was in pain for quite awhile wich it was weird normally its all in the front of me and this time it was only on my left side and all in my back on the left.i took a pain pill and eventually i dosed off. still felt some pain though. so sunday i didnt eat anything all day and was still getting pain on and off. i came to the conclusion that i wasnt having gallbladder attacks anymore i pulled some muscles from the spasms from gallbladder ugh. so thats what im dealing with now, pulled muscles. so again taking pain pills. i havent had one today in awhile im trying to go without them if i can and so far okay. my eating is very limited at this point, dont no if its fear or what lol but monday all i ate was a can of chicken soup some crackers . today all iv had is 2 salsbury pattys, spoonful of potatoes and some greenbeans, 1 granola bar, thats it! iv lost 20lbs in 2 half weeks. i think its from my new higher dose on meds just making me so ill. so basically i hope this is done and over with for awhile cause im tired of feeling this bad!

anyway back to psychic she said some intresting things it was fun. just said im doin alot of changing wich is very true and some other stuff not going to get into it all on here lol one thing she didnt see was my disease though lol she said i was healthy and just seen lower back problems wth lol yea i guess if i didnt have my disease or gallbladder problems i am healthy, i dont have high blood pressure or diabetes etc, was never on any meds. heres to getting thrue the week!

bye bye weekend

2010-04-25T23:39:00.002-04:00

Where o where did the weekend go?????? this weekend was boring and just sucked lol maybe thats why it went so fast. its pouring down rain right now and suppose to rain for couple more days. i hate when its like this, alittle rain i can do with. when its a muddy mess outside no thank you! my little girl( dog) she dont like the rain much and its a pain to get her outside when its like this. plus i just gave her a bath last nite, shes smells so good , nice and powdery! that has to be my most favorite smell in the world, baby powder!

all we did today was hit walmart and went to grocery store. we rented blindside from the redbox, man thats a good movie, i really did enjoy it!

i got my new meds today and man do i feel so sick! i took one around 6 and felt awesome like 30 mins later its a pain pill, oxycodone or something like that........ but then like 20 mins later i got such a huge headache and felt so nauseas, and i still feel that way. plus i felt like i had to keep moving, like my leg or arm or something. this was only 5 mil but man do they not make me feel good. not sure what to do to just stop taking them or only take before i go to bed or nap or i have to get use to them, dunno. i just no it helped with the pain and i like that. its generic for percaset and dr didnt want to give me those because they have more tylenol in those and im to not have alot of tylenol because of my liver.

what i dont get is i no i didnt feel good today and pretty much wanted to be alone yet i no we had to go to the store. so i wasnt bitchy or anything just kept quite and just wanted to get done what we had to get done and go home......... why is it then that my loving family, they say they hate when i get moody and bitchy yet they dont leave me alone! its like aggrevate mom, get her yellin lol all when im tryin to just chill and not be like that. i will never understand, if i no someone dont feel good or is in a bad mood i stay clear away from them. my weird fam is like drawn to me lol.

i really hope this is a good week but with all the rain i dunno. bf probobly wont have alot of work because of it and that stresses me out! no work means no pay, so come friday that paycheck is not going to be good! hope everyone has a good week!

did i have a fever or not???

2010-04-23T18:17:00.002-04:00

Sometimes i get the chills and some times i dont. well today i had the chills and so after i got my son on the bus i went back to bed and bundled up. at some point couple hrs later i woke up to find myself half uncovered and drenched in sweat, so did i just break a fever? i thought i read somewheres thats what that means but im not sure. i surley didnt feel good this morning thats for sure. iv had me a bowl of chicken noodle soup and some crackers and feel alittle better. my weights down 8 pds for the week wich is always nice, im not As swollen so thats why my weights down. no plans for the weekend, wich is kind of good dont really have the money right now to spend. so i guess that will be it for now, gonna go take something for this lingering headache. have a good weekend.

went to the drs today/ beach pics

2010-04-20T23:51:00.005-04:00

I went to my drs appt today with the rheumatologist it went well. we upped my meds and im to get blood work done in 4 weeks. luckley my liver is reacting good to the meds. some people cant take it cause it can cause liver damage. my dr wants me to when my new insurance kicks in in june to go to john hopkins where they specialize in this. hes really pushing the matter lol like iv said before he really doesnt no where to go from here with me and my non responding to the meds.

on a good note i had a wonderful weekend!!! the beach trip was just what i needed and i wish i could have stayed longer. being back home is nice but it was just such a nice change of scenery there that being back here is drag! i went to the outlets with the girls and we hit the coach store, i wanted a purse so bad but couldnt bring myself to pay that kind of money, even what was on sale just wasnt on sale enough for me lol. hit some other stores and got my son some summer clothes and bought me a shirt and cheap necklace . all in all i didnt do to bad and didnt spend too much money.we then went to rehobeth boardwalk and ate some thrashers fries omg they are heaven soooo good, and people watched. my bf then met us later and had lunch with us and then i left the girls they had to get back home and we went a found a hotel in ocean city and stayed the nite. it was a very nice hotel and i plan on staying there again in the future. we went to the boardwalk at nite and walked alittle but i really tired and it was so windy out it was freezing! luckley my room faced the ocean and was on the 11th floor so i had an awesome view and just listened to the waves, so peaceful! my son got up in the morning and went swimming the hotel had a indoor pool. and so again i had a great time , wish i could do it more often. will share some pics. we sent the doggie to the kennel for the nite and i really liked the attention they gave her and when we picked her up they had a report card on her behavior and she got an A lol .they checked her over and said shes a healthy girl, didnt no they do that. so i will be deffiently using that place again in the future.

well i guess thats it for now, i hope the week continues to be good. tata

not always a happy camper

2010-04-16T21:22:00.003-04:00

Iv come to the conclusion that my blog has many ups and downs, somedays im happy some im miserable, wish i could always be happy but i dont see that happening!

Got alot done today, bf was done work early so we to dmv and got tags for the truck, plus my handicapped sticker. had burger king for lunch it was okay but sometimes i dont no why i eat that junk it just makes me wanna yack!

so by this point i needed a nap, im tired and hurting, it was a rainey day.......... so came home and layed down for an hr and then my son was done school so had to get him off the bus. drs office called today with my blood work results ck( muscle levels) was 3100 it hasnt changed in 2 months so at my appt on tuesday we will discuss what to do. im on the highest dose of imuran and so i guess we will have to go to highest does of methotrexate, im on 15 mil right now. coming down the predisone just isnt working out, i started at 60 mil two yrs ago and im only down to 20 mil right now i should be lower but every time we try to go lower my ck starts increasing and i start getting bad again. but enough talk of this its just depressing.......

my morning was truley just full of drama and had my adrenaline going and so coming down off the excitement i felt soooo crappy. had it out with my sis this morning i wanted to talk about things and try to fix or relationship but instead she wrote me a nasty note on fb so i wrote one back and pretty much said i wash myself of you. she told me she had a good life and had everything she wanted and that ment that she didnt need me in it. this fight here started because i called her a b$tch because i found out she took me off her friends list on fb and i couldnt understand why, iv never done anything to her so i was hurt. so anyway someone told her i called her that, like its the worst thing someones ever called her. iv been called that so much in my life it dont bother me because you no what some days i can be one! anyway so i told her yea i called u that and tried to explain why but no she dont want nuthin to do with me yet........... i come to find out that she talks about me all the time. she goes around telling people that i use her daughter, the one that comes to see me, that she drives me all over the place and etc . so i confronted her daughter and she said that her mom does say that about me and basically my sis dont want her talking to me anymore, because me and my sis have no relationship they dont want me and her daughter to have one. they( they is my sis and her husband that my sis chose over me) were accusing her of being on my side and not being loyal lol. such drama over stupid stuff! so had heart to heart with my niece and she was upset and wants to be in my life and doesnt understand why her mother is being this way, i told her mom to grow up and realize she lost a sister . i blocked my sis on fb so she cant write me anymore nasty notes. i hope me and niece can move on and that my sister one day will wake up ! i wish her well, after all i do still love her but sometimes u gotta let go. i no some of this doesnt make sense and theres alot iv left out but really talking about it just is painful and when i truley never did anything wrong to her . oh well gotta move on........

on a happier note im off for the beach at 8:30 am tomm and hope to have a good day. have a good weekend.

everyone talks about someone behind their back at some point!

2010-04-16T01:27:00.002-04:00

SO today was a pretty typically day not much going on. i was very tired today and achy and had a headache bla.
i was suppose to go to a viewing for a friend from karaoke his son died in a car accident, such a terrible tragidy! i didnt go though, again i wasnt feeling well and i just cant be around people crying, id loose it! i see someone crying i start bawling! my consious or however you spell it is kicking in though.... i should have just sucked it up and went , i feel bad now. another case of me using an excuse to not do something that involves being around alot of people and people i dont no.

so family drama begains and rears its ugley head. basically me and my niece have gotten close latley shes 18 . im so proud of her shes graduating this year and a good girl. shes a big girl like me but does her thing and doesnt let anything hold her back and im happy about that and wish i was like that. anyway people in the family are jealous of are relationship and so they are talking crap and trying to turn her against me now wth! so bascially i had a talk with her and told her you no how i feel about you, believe what you want......... i cant deal with drama and dont need it in my life, me and drama dont do well, it makes me feel sick because im constantly worrying and thinking about stuff that really is just dumb! so i just hope she doesnt let others control her feelings and she will continue to talk to me.

theres so much more to the story but i just dont wanna get into it but this whole thing ruined my sons weekend and i feel so bad. im going to the beach saterday for the outlets and my son was suppose to be going to my sisters new house down the beach, the sis who are relationship is rocky. my boyfriend then decided he would meet me down the beach later that day and we would get a hotel room for the nite so then i could stay longer at the beach and hit the boardwalk and go to dinner etc.

well we forgot we have a puppy.......... you sometimes dont think about that when you get an animal. you can leave a cat at home and its fine, a dog no! so i was like darn what we gonna do???? i dont really have anyone to watch my pup so im trying to find a pet friendly hotel. where are they?????? i found 2 thats it! and back to my sons weekend getting ruined, my sis was going to watch him but because of the drama shes started hmmmmm now she said shes not going to watch him. she told him she would take him to the rides at the beach, buy him something, take him out to eat..... now shes not going to. okay have a problem with me but dont make the kid suffer that just isnt right! so i told him he wouldnt be seeing her and he was sooooo upset and it upsets me. so im trying to figure out how he can have a good weekend too. so the plan is maybe ....ill do my outlet shopping with the girls during the day, bf ride down its 2hrs or more away, get a room, thats excepts dogs, have the kid with us and take him to the boardwalk and rides. so we'll see.

now iv gotta be a big girl and call my sis and see if i can get this all straightened out because my son shouldnt have to suffer just because we are fighting. iv never kept him from her but she here latley will just cancel plans with him because of me, how old are we????

im sooo glad tomm is friday , no real reason just am. hope its sunny and warm but i dont think so, i think a cold front is coming in.

missing the bowl/ shes a woman now

2010-04-14T00:23:00.003-04:00

Today was a rainey day ugh! sunshine come out come out wherever you are you tease!
i have a busy week , well busy to me, to u's this is nuthin.......

today i had to get my bloodwork done so that it will be ready by time i go to my drs appt next tuesday. we have to drop the truck off at the dealership tomm because even though it passed PA inspection it didnt pass Maryland??? something about a ball joint??#$?%?%?

soooooo the dealership said if it didnt pass they would fix the problem, so talked to the owner of ford and we drop it off tomm and will have it back tomm nite. just a big old pain in the rear though because we have to drive it there and then have someone give us a ride home, its in quarryville pa and thats like an hr or something away. Then we have to find someone to give us a ride back there tomm nite to pick it up grrrrrrr. if its not to late will probobly just go to the usual burger nite place and sing karaoke, get my one song in haha, they are always so busy!

this weeks is going by prettty fast, wasnt the weekend just here???? not complaining though........ saterday is my beach day and going shopping at the outlets YES YES YES! looking forward to it cant you tell lol.

okay so does anyone out there have a little one, like around 6, 7, 8 or whatever age and a boy and who just cant seem to PEE IN THE TOLIET!!! omg my son woke up late last nite , i heard him go to the bathroom, i was watching tv.............. i went in there later........he never made it in the bowl he PEED ALL OVER THE BATHROOM NO LIE! the toliet seat was down so he never lifted the lid or seat and just peed all over the damn place. i was sooooo mad! so i had to wipe down the shower curtain the floor the toliet, you name it with bleach. luckley its his bathroom and i dont use it yuck! no matter how much i clean that place it still smells like pee from him missing. i dont no what to do......... iv done the yelling, the bribing etc. he does good and then its back to not being able to aim. okay so im sure you wanted to no all that but i had to have something to talk about hehehehe.

my little girl pup is a woman now lol shes got her period......... we are trying to decide wether to get her fixed are let her get pregnant one time. we would have to find a male dog of course wich im not sure how to go about that. shes a bichon/poo so the mate would have to be that are one are thee other. plus what if we cant find homes for these pups and who no's if she can have pups and who no's how many she might have, just so much to think about, makes me a nervous mummy!

well thats it for now i guess, tata! happy hump day :P

2010-04-10T23:33:00.002-04:00

Hi im back!
after i vented and cryed and wanted to scream........... i feel better! i guess i was having a woe is me moment and just needed to get out how i was feeling. now i feel dumb....... oh well, im gonna start making me happy and not let things bring me down.

having a mood swing kind of day?????

2010-04-10T22:08:00.002-04:00

I was fine earlier in the day, the sun was shining and temps were nice. at some point today i just really felt like a loser, a waste , just a burden , i could go on and on. it all has to do with me and my medical condition and people just not understanding me. YOU think because i look fine that theres nothing wrong with me, do i have to be in a wheelchair or on oxygen for someone to realize i have a real problem! im in bed lots of times because i wake up in the morning hurting soooo bad like iv been ran over by a truck, followed by weakness, stiffness, dizzyness, nausa, chills. if you felt like that wouldnt you stay in bed??? i cant do things like i use to, for example stairs or hard for me, i can go down but slowley, going up can be a big problem and sometimes i cant do them if they are too high. i get tired real easley and out of breath, my disease has caused scarring on my lungs wich causes me to cough and get out of breath, i have interstitial lung disease. so on the outside i look fine but im not, you dont feel WHAT I FEEL ALMOST EVERYDAY! medicine helps but doesnt take it all away. my bf family was giving me a hard time today about stuff i dont do anymore and how i say i need help etc and im like hello i have a problem and they are like oh we dont feel good all the time either, yea maybe you dont but trust me you dont no how i feel. its like i feel guilty over this, like i said to God give me a disease that cant be cured so i can get out of doing stuff! i would love to have my old life back and feel young again! im only 30 but physically i feel like an old woman and tired of never feeling good! I just sooooo love going to the drs almost every month and getting bloodwork every month and taking lots of pills everyday just so i can feel somewhat normal. i just love that now when i have to go places by myself i get so anxious and weak because it stresses me out. theres just so much that i dont do anymore or that im afraid to because of this and what iv been thrue. my disease is not as serouis as some out there and not trying to make it out to be, but its something i have to live with everyday and just tired of explaining. no wonder i just want to be alone somedays............... i no it sounds like im whining but its just one of those days. i guess what hurt most is my bf no's how iv changed and all that iv been thrue and he just lets people think what they want of me, he doesnt defend me and say yea shes got a problem and yea she dont feel good alot instead its let people pick on me and make me feel like a no good lazy ass! im gonna stop now and try to not let people get to me, theres always someone out there judging you when they dont no you and someone always jealous. i guess thats life!

me soooooo tired

2010-04-08T16:03:00.002-04:00

Well another beautiful day but its windy also! im soooooo tired today, i need a nap i think. im not hurting physically wich is nice but i get crabby when im tired! lol

my niece is suppose to be coming down to spend the nite(shes 18) . she takes pitty on her crippled aunt :P. i like her coming to see me but then she also stresses me out, i have to clean up after her and thats all i need. i might put her to work this time though and get her to help me with some stuff around here, i doubt it will happen, but a girl can wish cant she!

last nite was rough, might be why im tired...... i kept waking up coughing and choking, you no what i mean, it sucks! i asked my dr about it before and i cant rememeber what he said but he didnt seemed concerned. its like im gagging............

well dont have much to say my mind is dragging.......... oh my son missed the darn bus again! this time if i had a car i would have taken him but bf took it to work :( i have no one to call either for a ride. i dont no how i shut that alarm off because i dont rememeber doing it, i normally snooze it couple times, but i shut it off i guess. im going to have to find something else for back up lol i guess like my cell phone. i normally hear every little freakin sound in this house but i must have been really out of it lol. well going to go, hope everyone is having a great day! hugs

awesome day!

2010-04-08T01:09:00.002-04:00

So today was awesome! it was beautiful out even if it was HOT! in the 80's not complaining though. i felt soooo good today physically, body wasnt hurting like it has for days and just in a good mood. wish i could always feel like this!

we ended up going to dinner and karaoke. it was burger nite so had my usual burger with chedder and mushrooms, yum! sang a karaoke song and home we went. dont need to stay out all nite long just get me out for an hr or two and im a happy camper lol!

didnt end up going to the beach on tuesday for shopping at outlets, my friend was sick as a dog! iv been keeping in touch and shes feelin better so the trip will be back on soon enough, cant wait!

still lovin my new truck even though i dont drive it lol! boyfriend has been taking it to work as the other car has something wrong with it...... i dont like him driving my truck he gets dirty from his job ugh i dont want no grease on my seats! luckley he does think of me and puts a sheet on the seat so it wont get dirty but still i will flip if i find any grease, dirt lol sorry cant help it hehe

im invited to a psychic party...... what it is is a long time ago friend of mine(havent seen in years) is a ghost hunter lol they go to places and investigate. theres a winery in newyork they wanna check out so they are having a party to help raise money to get them there. its $25 for full psychic reading, reading is from a supposly legite psychic that this radio station uses and u get lunch. i wanna go! i no alot of people dont believe in this stuff and im not so sure i do but im curouis lol. iv had a reading before and some stuff seemed to be true but that was yrs ago. i figured it would be something fun to do so im trying to get some friend together. so we shall see......

well the weak is going by pretty fast and hopefully stays nice. take care

its sooooo hot

2010-04-06T01:08:00.002-04:00

Its like 60 oustide but feels like a suana in here i need to look at the thermastat im sooooo hot! had a good weekend but didnt feel good at all!

saterday went to dinner with some friends and then hit Delaware park to play the slots, i didnt win anything :( played the same $20 for an hr or more then just had to give up, ended up losing only$9 could have been worse. im a weirdo though i go in there with the mind set iv gotta win, lord help me win, but i never do, i shouldnt exspect to win, many dont, i guess i hate loosing money lol.

so easter sunday didnt have any real plans, my family doesnt get togther we just arent close, sad but true. my son ate soooo much candy he had a belly ache, i told him him not to do it but what do i no............ ended up going to my dads and showed him the new truck, we ate some food, it was nice seeing him but i really missed the big easter dinner everyone has. we had lunch meat sandwiches. its food but just not the same ....... i wanted some ham, coleslaw, etc etc and sure i could try to cook it but i dont cook that good and i live with picky people so its a waste and aggravating lol. at least i can say i didnt overeat or im gonna gain weight .

im suppose to be going to the beach tomm to the outlets, i think they are in rehobeth or ocean city im really not sure. just looking forward to going to the beach for the day. i havent been to the beach in i believe 3 yrs. i dont do the whole beach thing like laying out etc. i just like to go to see the waves hear the seagulls , smell the air, you get the picture.
got a text little while ago that my friend whos going and is the driver is throwing up,MAN! i hope she feels better by morning! so i guess i will see how she feels in the morning on wether we are going.

my sis that iv not been close with for while is watching my son if i go and hes excited to see her. it happened because she sent him a card for easter and i had him call her and thank her and so i thought hmmmmm ill see if she can watch him because shopping would be easier with out him, plus friends werent bringing their kids. she said yes......... so now my delima is if im not going to the beach do i still drop him off to spend day with her, she seemed to look forward to it and i no he is. do i wanna drive the 45 mins it takes to get there hmmmmm to turn around and sit at home. i would most deffiently do that for him. its a shame or relationship isnt good or i could tag along with them but it is what it is. im not going to pretend all is well between us, i just cant fake it!

so i felt really bad today again like yesterday, body really hurting, weak etc and i ran outta meds, couldnt get any yesterday the pharmacy was closed. i had the truck so i could have picked up meds today but i felt so bad and i didnt wanna chance going out by myself at walmart so i asked bf before he got off work to come home to pick them up. i thought he would flip and be like hell no youve had the truck all day you could go, dont wait for me....... but i called him and he was totally fine with picking them up. i did cook dinner for him so he couldnt complain too much. had turkey tenderloin, mashed potatoes, corn. i didnt wanna cook because i felt so bad but i needed to after easters dinner. took my meds and took a nap, felt much better! so i have to say i have a wonderful wonderful boyfriend who takes good care of me!!!!!!!

its still hot!!!! now im hungrey. watching diners drive ins and dives, i love that show! okay i think its time for bed iv gotta try to go to sleep. have a good week. hugs

BAD DAY!

2010-04-01T01:02:00.003-04:00

ugh what a day! started off i woke up late and heard my son say MOM the school bus just passed, so he missed the bus. so okay i go back to sleep couple hrs later , MOM! theres ants in my room! so iv never delt with ants on carpet and what seemed like millions of them so im freaking out........ i guess they came in because of all this rain weve had and they were flooded out! i truley hope i got them gone for good ewwww, i dont do well with bugs are anything that crawls no matter how small lol. but of course my cleaning up ants led to well we are just cleaning this whole room then, my son is a pig, throws stuff everywhere! so moved furniture, threw out old toys, took half a day because he was so slow because he didnt want to do it and he cryed and wined and repeat! plus hes a fraid of ants lol. so i was so freaking irriated today u can imagine. now i feel bad for my irritation and yelling at him, i hate when i feel like a bad mom. i just want my son to be happy and have a good life u no, dont want him to look back on his childhood and say he wasnt happy.

we bought A truck! im excited but then not so much. we looked for couple days and found one and it was at a ford dealership, its only a 2001 but its in good shape and seats inside are perfect, just an overall nice truck( explorer sport trac. i even managed to get it on my own with my credit so was happy about that, havent had a car in my name for 5 yrs! BUT what irritated me was yea its used i dont expect perfection in a 2001 but i thought when you buy something and at a big dealership they would have at least cleaned it up real good for us. it wasnt like dirty dirty but wasnt clean inside to my standerds. when we were going to go pick it up the lady said we couldnt right now because it was about to be detailed. yea right, where was it detailed, they didnt touch the inside and outside didnt look like it either. it was raining though but boyfriend said he could tell they didnt do anything to it, so im peeved! i wish i wasnt such a wuss, i should have called them and said everything was great, great exsperience but you never cleaned the inside, what are we going to do about that.......... NOW i told bf we are going to have to get it detailed and i want every nook and cranny cleaned. this will be the only time we do this and rest of the time we can clean it. BUT is it to much to ask for when buying a car for it to be clean?

this weeks going by fast it seems or maybe its just so much has went on last couple of days.......
plans for weekend hmmmm not sure, friends want to go out saterday for dinner and delaware park( some gambling) or listen to a band. not sure what im gonna do. they also want to go to the beach outlets next week during the week to shop wich i really wanna go but dont see how i can. i will have my son as school is off and its girl day out no kids and bf will be working so i dunno. i need more babysitters lol. well thats it for now, hope everyone is having a good week. hugs

hot flashes!!!!

2010-03-26T01:09:00.002-04:00

Im having a hotflash right now and its driving me crazy! wheres a fan when u need one lol
i accually get hotflashes alot but normally during the day. it starts off as chills and then about an hr or 2 later iv got like hotflashes where im sweating but cold, does that make any sense......:P

iv got a drs appt tomm with my reg dr, just to update him on stuff and see about getting some different meds for my stomache and this heartburn always, what i take just doesnt seem to be working as good anymore. i dont no why but i get nervous going to the dr, maybe cause i never no what hes gonna say hmmmmm

im watching tv and nuthin good on but i have a craving to eat something, whats up with that?why do i want to eat just because im watching tv, its way to late so not even gonna do it!

okay as you can see by this post i dont have much to say im all over the place......... oh wait i no what i wanted to say. so im home all day and yea yea its my job to clean be the mom, cook yada yada, because my bf works. this isnt the old days...... why is it if i ask for a little help, like just vacuum the living room floor or something little its like im asking something crazy. again i get that im home all day but i also have a medical condition that leaves me tired, weak and just not feelin good most of the time, so me asking for a little help, what is wrong with that! i cleaned last nite more than usual and i was in so much pain afterward and tired and just miserable, i hate when i have stuff to do because i get overwelmed so easly and if i dont get it all done i feel like i didnt accomplish anything! i also get upset when theres 2 other people here who could help me just a little, just a little thats all im asking. we need to spring clean and throw some stuff out etc and i told bf last nite I AM NOT DOING THIS ALL BY MYSELF, i need help and im not the only one who lives here and if he dont help me im gonna pay someone to help lol. he didnt have much to say on that, i dont think he really wants me to pay someone lol

well no plans for the weekend so who no's what we will end up doing.......... have a good one!

2010-03-23T00:28:00.003-04:00

It's been one of those days......... i slept in because i didnt get much sleep over the weekend and my sleeping schedule is weird anyway, thought okay the days gonna be pretty good even though its rainey and storming! well it all went down hill once my son got home from school he was a whiney , crying mess and i still dont no why, guess he was having a bad day! so he cryed and threw a fit for many hrs i was going insane, hes 6yrs old. i was trying to cook dinner and clean up things and dealing with that can really urk me. i had a headache and it just wasnt helping! then the dog got loose outside, i have a 6 month old bichon/poodle puppy and shes white and like i said it rained today!!! so she got loose out front and needless to say she got muddy, i wasnt happy! so i had to get her all cleaned up......... then i was cooking hamburger meat for dinner, wasnt sure what i was going to do with it but it ended up not being good so i had to throw the 2pounds out! it smelled fine in the package but was a little brown but when i was cooking it it just didnt smell right so didnt wanna take any chances. i ended up cooking some salisbury steak with mash potatoes and corn. wrote some checks for bills, I HATE DOING THAT BYE BYE MONEY! thought okay things have settled down...... wrong! dog pees in my sons room, well that just ticked me off, she had just been taken out an hr before omg! this is my first dog and i only got her because she doesnt shed and my bf and son wanted a dog sooooo bad but im normally a cat person. i like the dog but it sure can be hard getting use to, exspecially when they have accidents in the house i hate it! so she new she was in trouble so she went to her bed(crate) and was behaved rest of the night, but she was just being so bad today, trying to knock over the kitchen trash can. some days i wish i didnt have any pets, i have a cat also and she drives me nuts with cat hair and puking everywhere with hairballs ugh. but hey you gotta love em right!

little stressed right now we are trying fo find another vehicle and planning on spending more money than we normally do. we have for years been cheap and bought junkers and just ran them till they couldnt run no more but we are tired of not having a reliable vehicle and just being able to get up and go and not have to worry on wether the car will make it that far! we dont want payments because we dont wanna get ourselves in trouble and so we like to just buy and pay cash and be done, hense cheap cars, we dont have alot of money, we dont have a money tree in the back yard lol. so we are looking at Ford Explorer Sport Trac 4x4 , its half explorer half truck, i think its cute! and it will be nice to have the truck bed if we need to haul something. i guess we will be going to dealerships soon and looking around for one of those, i hope we can fine one for a decent price. i get so nervous when spending alot of money or alot of money to me!

lunch was so nice yesterday with my girls, i love hanging with them, we always talk about the old days and the crazy stupid stuff we did! i dont get to see my friends much but we are trying to change that and get together at least once amonth wether it be lunch or whatever. next plan is spring vacation to go to lancaster outlets and shop! so hopefully i have some money and feel okay to do it. i get excited about stuff like this but then dread it when the time comes because i no its gonna wear me out and i dont wanna be in pain the whole time. i told the girls just bare with me and let me rest as we shop as much as possible. luckley my friends are very understanding and are looking out for me and dont mind me holding them up, they understand my condition! wish my family was that understanding! so anyway thats it for now just watching some tv and hopefully bed at some point. have a good week. hugs heres pics of my puppy

good yet painful day!

2010-03-20T22:30:00.002-04:00

Today was a good day! my niece called me up and asked could she come for a visit shes 18 and i do enjoy spending time with her. so she came and we went shopping at biglots but while in there my darn ankle/foot started killing me, i thought it was getting better, NOT! so needless to say i couldnt wait to get out of there! so delt with the pain and bought couple things.

next on list was to go to fashion bug because i never or rarley i should say ever get there, bought couple shirts ands and pair of capris, stuff was on sale. my ankle/ foot was dampening my enjoyment of shopping of course. i couldnt wait to get home my whole body was killing me!

got home and took a percocet and layed down, felt so much better little while later! really sucks that i cant do things like use to, use to be able to shop all day, now im in pain after just a little while, i no i just have to get use to it but its hard sometimes. always think about how i use to be and feel and now to never feeling good, in pain , it just gets to me sometimes or here latley always........ oh well!

still going to lunch/dinner tomm with friends and look forward to seeing friends. hope everyones having a good weekend. today the weather was beautiful yet again :)

curse you tuna fish!!!

2010-03-20T01:05:00.002-04:00

OMG im dieing here of heartburn! i had my favorite tuna with pickles sandwich for dinner and thought all is good, should have known........... we had tuna last nite also and i was fine all nite, bf however was up all nite in pain from hearburn and i was like oh im fine, im great! me and my big mouth, now tonite im in pain! i took a chewable rolaid and take a prolisec everyday as it is cause i have tummy troubles but nuthin is helping!!

so went to movies last sunday and seen the movie alice and wonderland and it wasnt tooo bad, it was 3D wich that i thought could be better, it was my first time seeing something like that and i wasnt impressed :(

iv been dealing with ankle/foot pain ever since sunday and having trouble walking had no clue what the heck i could have done to my foot . iv stayed off it as much as possible this week and its feeling better so hopefully it stays that way.

i am just loving this warm weather but yet without my jacket i feel naked, like something is missing! like i said im trying to adapt to warmer weather even though im not feelin to hot about myself right now with this weight gain and clothes not fitting! im stressing on what the heck im gonna wear because my summer clothes i doubt will fit and ill be darn if im gonna go buy new ones....... might buy some new shirts though just for the heck of it :P i stay the same size up top pretty much i just gain mostly in the dreaded middle ugh!
gonna quit talking about weight gain now as its depressing and i really dont no what i can do at this point but deal.

i have no clue what we are doing this weekend, bf is working saterday till who no's when but hopefully sunday he will take us out! i wanna go to big lots, maybe ill make it there. i do have lunch/dinner plans with some friends on sunday so looking forward to that. we are suppose to be going to hibachi grill buffet. iv only been there one time but loved it, love all the choices.

well guess thats it for now.......... heres to a sunny beautiful weekend. hugs

boring day

2010-03-12T01:05:00.002-05:00

Well today was a boring day but i was okay with that i didnt feel like doing much really! iv got a massive headache that i can feel just amovin around, now its in the back of my neck, hope it goes away soon or i wont be able to sleep. its the worst when you go sleep with a migraine and wake up and its still there ugh.

boyfriend irratated me with dinner tonite its like okay i wasnt going to cook dinner just eat some cereal and its almost 6. he pretty much nos that if i havent mentioned anything about dinner or put anything out that im not cooking. hes so darn picky and never wants anything i wanna cook. so anyway he starts asking wheres dinner and im like are u for real you no how this works. i was like what do you want me to cook, him- i dunno, what do we have.......... this is what ticks me off you should no what we have, your at the same grocery store as me, you put the food away like i do and you dont no what we have???? how about you go look in the freezer and fridge and see duh! lol then you let me no what i should cook because im not going to stand here all nite trying to figure out what you want grrrrr why make things so difficult. needless to say we ended up ordering pats, we need to go to grocery store though.

glad tomm is friday, no real reason just look forward to the weekend and maybe going somewheres and getting outta this house for a bit.

might go see alice n wonderland on sunday deffiently matinee. movie tickets are so expensive, to see this movie because its 3d its gonna cost $11 now if i went later in the day $14, $14 for a movie darn! good thing i dont go very often, plus my son wants to go and hes gotta have popcorn , candy etc etc. i wont get outta there spending no less than probobly $30 some dollers.

well to anyone who reads my blog you can find me on facebook im on there at least once a day, like playing games on there, look for tracy handlin. hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

been gone to long!

2010-03-11T00:59:00.002-05:00

I REALLY NEED TO START WRITING IN THIS BLOG AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES MY FEELINGS AND SUCH , IM GONNA EXPLODE LOL!

WELL WHAT CAN I SAY IV BEEN LIVING MY LIFE, SAME OLE SAME REALLY. JUST HAVENT FELT LIKE WRITING BECAUSE I DONT NO MAYBE WINTER BLUES OR JUST TOO LAZY. ITS BEEN BEAUTIFUL HERE IN MARYLAND, IN THE 60'S OH SOOO NICE! BUT THEN WHEN I THINK OF SUMMER IT GETS ME DEPRESSED BECAUSE THATS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN TIMES AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ALL THE THINGS I CANT AND WONT BE ABLE TO DO PHYSICALLY. WINTER WAS NICE BECAUSE ITS AN ESCUSE TO STAY IN, SUMMER AND BEAUTIFUL WEATHER YOU WANNA BE OUT AND ABOUT, MY BODY WANTS TO RUN FREE LIKE THE WIND BUT IT NOS ITS NOT POSSIBLE LOL. I WISH I COULD SAY HEALTH WISE IM DOING BETTER BUT NOT THE CASE. FOR SOME WHO FORGOT I HAVE POLYMYOSITIS MUSCLE DISEASE AND HAVE BEEN FIGHTING IT NOW FOR 2 YRS. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER BUT LATEST TEST SAY OTHER WISE AND JUST THE FEELING WORSE THAN USUAL. SOMETIMES I THINK ITS IN MY HEAD SO WHEN THE TEST SAY HEY YOU REALLY ARENT DOIN BETTER IM SURPRISED! SO IM ON NEW MEDS TO ADD TO MY LIST, WE UPPED THEM AND IN 4 WEEKS WILL GET BLOOD WORK DONE TO SEE HOW IM DOIN, IF DOING OKAY WE WILL UPP THEM AGAIN AND SO ON, IF DOIN BAD WE WILL TRY TO GO WITH SOMETHING ELSE. ITS NOT A GOOD THING TO HEAR FROM YOUR DR THAT YOUR NOT LIKE HIS OTHER PATIENTS AND ARENT RESPONDING LIKE THEM, BECAUSE FOR ONE ITS LIKE WTH AND THEN ITS LIKE THE DR DOESNT NO WHAT TO DO WITH ME. THINGS COULD BE FAR WORSE FOR ME BUT RIGHT NOW JUST DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF WEIGHT GAIN THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND I DONT NEED TO GAIN ANYMORE, FEELIN LIKE CRAP AND LIKE IM JUST WASTING AWAY SOMEDAYS............. I WILL GET THRUE THIS I NO, ITS GONNA TAKE TIME. IF I HAD A BETTER SUPPORT SYSTEM IM SURE LIFE WOULD BE EASIER BUT WHEN MOST OF YOUR FAMILY DONT TALK TO YOU, DONT HAVE THE TIME OF DAY FOR YOU ITS A REAL DOWNER, I CAN SAY ALL I WANT THAT I DONT CARE THAT I DONT NEED THEM BUT HONESTLY I DO. SO ENOUGH BOO HOOING FOR ONE DAY. I WILL MAKE IT AN EFFORT TO START BLOGGING AGAIN AND TO START READING BLOGS AGAIN. DEFIENTLY GOTTA CHANGE MY BLOG LAYOUT, THINK ITS FROM THANKSGIVING LOL. HUGS!!

november already.......

2009-11-16T02:12:00.001-05:00

Well i guess since i changed my blog look i need to accually write an entry.............lol i will but not today , soon though. hope all is well..........

hot and humid!

2009-08-05T16:24:00.002-04:00

IM so glad i dont have to be out in the heat or work in it, id never last! iv been spoiled by the a/c! iv been a busy girl or i should say busyier, i never truly have a busy life wich thats the way i like it. thats why i live in the country now its a slower way of life lol.

we went to the fair over the weekend and that was a great time! my boyfriend was in the demilition derby and he made out pretty good but didnt win. his car didnt get beat up too bad so he was able to use the car the next nite in the derby, he didnt drive it though a friend did. then he sold the car to a scrap company that was there. two years ago they gave us $250 for the deby car this year only $75 that sucks! the price for scrap metel sure has went down.

helped host a jewlery party and that was fun, i didnt get any free stuff :( but lots of discounts!
this sunday we are going to a seafood festival with my good friend and that should be fun. i plan on tasting some aligater nuggets i seen they will have hmmmmmmm wonder what they taste like?
overall life is good, talking to my sister again, we arent close close like we use to be and it doesnt upset me like it use to but we are talking and shes spending time with my son again. she says hes such a joy to be around and never a problem!

i havent been been feeling well latley i dont no what is up. i no my muscle test arent good and arent getting anybetter but iv always pretty much felt the same but these past 2 weeks iv just felt BAD! my body pain normally goes away when i take my meds but its been really bad to the point that i want pain pills thats all i think about because tylonal just isnt cutting it anymore. headaches glore and just feel nausea. almost like the flue except no throwing up! guess its time to get blood work done , i havent had it done in a month , and see whats going on. well heres your entry lucy, glad you check up on me to see if im a live just kidding! i hope everyone has a good week. hugs

2009-07-10T18:58:00.003-04:00

soooooo its been awhile yet again lol! im doing pretty good just taking it day by day!

my boyfriend is suppose to be in the demolition derby the end of this month at the fair and so hes been trying to get his car done, has to tear alot of stuff out. so iv been going swimming at his cousins while hes doing that, love getting in a pool, well a inground pool! its very good for strengthing my legs wich i need! after i get done swimming im soooooo tired and have accually fell asleep sitting there in the chair drying off lol.

tomm( saterday) is me and my boyfriends 7yr anniversary, im sooooo happy! this is my longest relationship iv ever had, normally only last almost a yr, so this is an accomplishment! i love this man with all my heart! hes been there for me thrue my bad times being sick and just has always taken such good care of me and my son! we are planning on going out to dinner somewheres nice, not sure where yet. well somewhere he can still wear jeans and a nice shirt, the man hates to dress up :(

on the sad front my sister whom i use to be close with we are no longer close and i really truley have no idea why. we had the fall out back in feb over something stupid and it took over a month to talk again but i thought things were fine. seen her on easter and things were fine and ever since then she just doesnt have time for me or my son. i havent accually talked to her, heard her voice in like 2 months. weve maybe exchanged emails like 3 times since may. she just always sayd she's sooooo busy, i say bullshit! i realize people get busy but that doesnt mean stop talking to the ones you love. and i called her out on it because my son is upset that he never sees her anymore and she doesnt talk to him. hes 5, he was soooo close to her and then she does this, i dont think its right. all i ask from her is to see her once a month for couple hrs i really dont think thats too much to ask. shes like a mother to me but now im being pushed to the side till she has time for me. i let her no how i was feeling and how hurt i am and what did i get as a repley back...... nothing its been 2 weeks since i wrote her and shes said nothing so shes avoiding the issue. so i say forget it! im tired of people never being there for me, i try so hard to be there for the people i love, its really not that hard. shes soooo busy she went to boston couple weeks ago for the weekend for the heck of it for no reason, i say thats bullshit! thats the word of the day i guess! so i warned her the more you push me away the more ill stay away and when you finally do have time for me i wont be here, im like that with everyone. anyway it hurts it sucks and iv gotta quit dwelling on it.

things have been just really good around here otherwise and im loving life! i hope everyone else is doing good, gotta catch up on blogs, same ole story right lol. have a good weekend. hugs

its been awhile

2009-06-09T09:15:00.003-04:00

Hey,

so its been awhile........i figured id write a post for mrs lucy luc since shes wondering whats going on with me! what have i been up too well not to much really just life. i went and got my hair done on sunday and i love it, very manageable and more blonde wich is more to my liking :)

iv been feeling pretty good for the most part, i have my days but dont we all. i did have to go to the emergency room 2 weeks ago because of my darn gallbladder again and if i had known they can give you something for the pain i would have went all the time instead of dealing with it. i was in lala land after they doped me up, it was great lol and since then no attacks so i hope and pray i dont have one anytime soon. anything brings it on anymore, those attacks i hadnt eaten anything or drank anything to bring it on. the emergency room dr was sooooo nice too and good looking lol!

i went to a jewlery party last week, my first time it was lia sophia jewlery and i have to say the stuffs pretty nice, it was fun. i am helping to host one in august with my sister n law so that should be intresting. when i told some people i had went to a jewlery party because i was inviting them to the one im hosting and when i showed them my new hair cut they called me spoiled. okay i might be spoiled in someways but not always only when we have some extra cash. i dont no why i let it bug me so much, its my life , dont be jealous because my boyfriend treats me good! but i think alot of it has to do with because i dont have to work and they do and so my boyfriend buys me things when we have extra cash like i said. i really need to quit letting people bring me down and making me feel bad for what i have, dont i deserve a good life without being considered spoiled? i didnt always appreciate my life but i appreciate everything now!

anyway............. my son gets out of school on the 16th and after that i dont no what we are gonna do, hes gonna be bored out of his mind staying at home with mommy all day lol. he will be going to kindergarden next year, time is just a flyin by.

i have a wedding to go to this weekend its beachy casual dress so that works just not sure what to wear but im sure ill find something. my boyfriend doesnt wanna go so ill just be going and thats fine with me, will be nice to catch up with some friends. well thats all i feel like writing right now im gonna go take a nap im still tired. hey lucy my tomatoe plants seem to be doing okay i have a couple flowers on the one! oh and my boyfriends boss gave us a big wooden well that i put in my flower garden, love it! my hanging flower pots arent doing so good though for some reason, even watered them every day or other like u should and they are dying!!!!! okay well im gonna go, hope everyone is well im really behind on blogs , will catch up one day. hugs

im alive!

2009-05-13T12:31:00.012-04:00

my new sofa , has 2 recliners, its acually a darker tan color.

my new loveseat! its very high so not hard to get off of and oh so comfey! has 2 recliners so mommy can put her feet up lol

just some mountains

a cool cave we seen coming out of the mountain.

just some pretty pics of the mountains around there

here was are home sweet home for 2 days, it was raining as you can see.

we had to follow this trail on the property to get where we were setting up, your going up a hill.

this is the old store thats falling apart now

old school bus someone turned into a camper

heres a pic of an old outhouse on the property!

Why helloooooooooo...........

i made it back from my trip from west virginia just havent felt like blogging. here are some pics and heres a pic of my 2 new couches! i dont no how to get the pics on here the way they should be so just bare with me lol. okay so the picture of the bus is a old school bus that someone turned into a camper! its just sitting on the property now, i was afraid to go near it , its so old and i might find a dead body or something :P the property belongs to my boyfriends cousins wifes family, its on spruce knob the highest mountain in WV. her great grandmother use to own a store there and it also was a camp ground, theres no electric around there. it takes 30 to 45 mins to get off the mountain each way. so heres a pic of the old store its falling apart and heres just some random pics of where we set up are camp site. it rained pretty much the whole time wich wasnt fun but it was nice to just enjoy nature and it was soooooo quite! i had a good time just sitting around doing nothing while the others rode 4 wheelers. didnt see me a bear and anything big thank god! others saw turkeys and deer. so anyway was so tired when we got back and was glad to be home. i just dont enjoy long car rides it makes me tired and makes me swell like crazy!

i love love my new couches, got them friday. would it be wrong of me to make everyone sit on the floor and me just enjoy them. i just have never had new couches and i dont want the kid or anyone spilling anything or damaging them. i no its gonna happen one day , just not yet i hope! they are microfiber wich i was told by many many that its easy to keep clean. it figures my cat never got on the other couch but once we got these i see her trying to get on and i gotta say NOOOOOOOO. i dont want her clawing at them or getting cat hair, sorry im a bit compulsive and just dont like new stuff to get ruined. go ahead shake your head and tell me to get over it!!!!! lol. so anyway that really about it around here just been doing the same ole same. really gotta catch up on blogs im way behind, so if i havent been by in while i will soon. hugs

off to west virginia

2009-04-30T14:46:00.004-04:00

!m feelin real good today, hope that means its a start to a good weekend for me. we are leaving for west virginia at 4 am and i have to admitt im getting excited. just really looking foward to getting away, i no i get out once in awhile for karaoke but thats just not the same lol.

walmart called today and said my glasses or in so im going to get them in a bit, my eye test went good, im not as blind as i thought! my right eye is alot worse than my left though. but oh well, i picked out a modern pair of frames and hope i like them as much as i did that day when i looked at them.

i think today is going so good for me because i called my dad to tell him i love him and that i was leaving for my trip shortley, he goes to bed around 6 so i had to call him early to say bye lol . he told me he loved me and then i talked to my sister that i dont talk to much and we had a heart to heart today and for once finally exspressed how we were feelin about things.
i feel so much better now because iv always wanted a relationship with her but it just wasnt there and i guess with this whole thing going on with my dad peoples feelings change and gets you thinking and we decided to put the past in the past and focus on the future and it feels good!

oh and my new couches came in but i wont be here to get them, they wanted to deliver this weekend. so i will have to wait till next weekend. i guess i can live with that lol!

im gonna try to take some pics on my new camera i got, i heard at nite its really beautiful on the mountain. well im off here, gotta start packing, i always wait till the last minute to do everything "sigh" , will be back sunday hopefully! hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

2009-04-27T14:50:00.002-04:00

Hello,
its a beautiful , HOT day here! the bummbel bee's were trying to run me off my porch this morning. i wait on the porch to see my son off to school on the bus but there was so many bee's they were freaking me out! im a just alittle scared of em! they decided to build a nest somewhere and make home but they gotta go. i called bf and told him youve gotta do something because i cant deal with bee's wizzing by my head lol.

Had a good weekend, really didnt do to much because it was just to darn hot! saterday nite went to a friends house for drinks and i had 4 wine coolers and all it did to me was make tired lol. i guess i cant hang like i use too. use to be able to drink couple beers or something and get drunk but now i just get tired :P dont need to get drunk though to have fun. today was my fathers stress test, i hope it went or is going good. im not sure what time his appt was, my sister is suppose to call me and let me no how things went.

im going to the eye drs tomm at walmart and lets see how blind iv become. i normally wear glasses now to read or drive at nite, but iv been needing them to watch tv so that its not so blurry. i dont like the glasses i have now, dont like the frames. so im excited to pick a new pair that i will be comfortable wearing at any time.

im getting excited about this friday, its D Day, i go camping in west virginia. im still not to kean on the camping part even if its in a camping trailer, just looking forward to getting away. theres 10 of us going i believe and we are leaving 4am friday mornin. so ill be sleeping alot of the way there im sure lol its 6hrs away. well not much more to say, hope everyone is having a good day.
heres a link to a song i recorded. janie got me addicted to this now, so i had to try it out. hugs
http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/bf11a1195

just a hoehum day

2009-04-23T13:01:00.003-04:00

"Sigh" im just in a quite mood right now as it feels my mind is racing a mile a minute.

found out yesterday that my dad isnt doing to good, you cant tell by lookin at him thats for sure and thats whats so scary! my sister dragged him to the drs because he hates drs, gee wonder where i get that from......... she took him to the eye drs last week because he just cant see that good and so he let her take him and it was no good news. hes got bleeding behind his eyes and thats from being diabetic and not taking care of it and ignoring it like everything else. so then went to regular dr ysterday and they checked him over and did ekg and he was told that hes had a heart attack at some point and has had a stroke and hes got a clogged artery somewheres, high blood pressure, high cholestrol,so next week hes gotta get a stress test done.

im trying not to worry about this and just pray that he gets himself all taken care of and he will be fine but............ you cant make someone take care of them selves who dont want to. hes so stubbern and set in his ways, always thinks that it will just go away, you'll get over it etc etc. to this day he still doesnt understand my disease and thinks it will just poof go away and tells me i just need to exercise, move around. well daddy your exercising and lifting weights and how great of shape you think your in your not, your falling apart! so im not suppose to let him no i no anything , he doesnt want anyone to no but of course my sis told me, thank god! i mean his kids should no whats going on hes are only father.

when i talked to him ysterday on the phone and it was a nice conversation he told me he loved couple times and when i got off the phone reality set in that this is some serouis stuff, hes a ticking time bomb and just doesnt get it! i dont want to loose him , we may not have always gotten along but hes always been there for me and a great father and i dont no what id do without him. i think alot of times when bad things happen i just try not to think about it so maybe i dont have to face it, maybe its from being a kid watching my mom slowley die, i dont no but i cant hide from this and neither can he. hes 68 yrs old and needs to be around for along time! sorry this post is a downer but iv just got alot on my mind. hope everyone has a good day! hugs

and another week has gone by........

2009-04-22T10:00:00.002-04:00

Well what to say what to say hmmmmmm........
the weathers been pretty nice around here except for the rain showers, could do without that!
had to go to baltimore on monday to see a specialist and that was a nightmare for me lets just leave it at that but thank god its over!

i got a letter in the mail and iv been picked for jury duty. now some of you this would be fun or whatever lol but not to me, im trying to get out of it. this brings on anxiety real bad lol, i really do hope i can get out of it at this time!

i do have some fun things coming up soon wich im excited about. going over a friends house saterday for some drinks and catching up so i hope it turns out good and next friday may 1st going to west virginia with some family to go camping! now camping isnt really my thing but they want me to go so i figure going for the weekend wont kill me, i wont be sleeping in a tent i will be sleeping in a camping trailer thank god! im just looking forward to being in the open woods, field whatever you wanna call it and enjoying the senery and fire etc. i hope i make it back without getting eatin by a grizzy bear lol. they told me you hear all the animals at nite, that really makes me feel good.............um what else what else?????? when i wait to long to write i forget all i had to say dang it! been busy here trying to get rid of stuff, cleaning out the house and giving on freecycle. but again freecyle just really irritates me with some of the greedy a$$ people on there, i wont go any further it will just make me mad. i hope everyones week is going good and have a good day. tata

a warm day

2009-04-09T14:23:00.002-04:00

Hello Hello,
its been awhile since i wrote but really nothing new going on i dont think. its a beautiful day here and in the 60's or its suppose to be, i havent been out yet. im meeting a girl off here today shes coming by to get some books i have, so hopefully that meeting goes well. im always nervous meeting someone new but hey you gotta do it sometime.

iv got such bad heartburn and a raging headache , i think ill survive, i hope!

iv got alot of drs appts this month, not my thing. i have to see regular dr tomm to fill out paperwork, then next week to see specialist then week after that have to drive to baltimore to see another specialist ugh! im swelling up so bad and gaining alot of weight and just HATE IT! with my illness i always swell but its been so much worse since i was put on a pill once a week for my bones amonth ago. why cant i fight one battle at a time instead of dealing with my weight too!
my sister is finally talking to me and we hashed out everything and im happy, one thing less to stress about. one really exciting thing in my life is we are getting new couches, yay me! never had new furniture always buy used and are couch was functional but seeing better days so we had a screw it moment one day and went and looked at couches and bought a reclining sofa and reclining loveseat. now my problem is the waiting, they said like 4, 6 weeks!!!!!! i hate waiting on things youve already payed for, but i no it will be worth it!

i live in a duplex and come to find out my neighbors are moving sometime soon, not real happy about that. i mean we didnt talk much it was a young girl who lives there shes 27 and her husband whos gone all the time but she really keeps to herself alot. thats nice but then would like someone to move in who i could hang out with or form some relationship with since im home all the time! she was or is a little crazy or maybe thats not nice to say but i use to order avon from her and then one day around christmas she just stopped selling to me and hasnt talked to me since, i dont even no what i did wrong, talks to my bf though. then they say they are moving because someone at nite when they let the dogs out are pointing them red pointer lights at them and throwing rocks, peeking in the windows etc . say what! iv never heard of such a thing, iv lived here for almost 4 yrs and never have had a problem so far thank god! but she is bypolar and stuff so who no's. hopefully its not really true cause i dont wanna start being scared living here.
going to karaoke with my friend this saterday from 4-8 and it will be the first time going out without boyfriend, everywhere i go he goes but it will be nice for him to do his own thing and me do my thang. no plans for easter unfortuanally, it will just be another day around here wich is sad! wish i could get my family together but that aint gonna happen. well gonna quit ranting and do some laundry. hope everyone has a great day and wonderful easter! hugs

rain rain go away

2009-03-26T14:40:00.002-04:00

Its raining today, its so gloomy but im not so thats all that counts lol! we went out for karaoke last nite at this buffet resturant and went because we can take our son, they allow kids to go. it was fun and nice to see some friends! just recently i had a male friend or i shouldnt say hes my friend because we dont talk like that but iv known him for years and he goes to karaoke where i go. he caught me on the computer and was talking to me and told me years ago he had a crush on me......... it was so nice to hear. and was saying how i am still cute etc and i felt bad him saying that because i do have a boyfriend of 6yrs but sure did make this old lady feel good! i havent been hit on for what seems like forever and always feel down about myself and for someone to say sweet things sure brightened my day and spirits! so i was talking to that guy when my boyfriend came hom from work but he didnt care i was talking to him, hes not the jealous type. i said hes flirting with me do you care???? he was like no and i dont think he really believed me but i told him somethings the guy had said and he was like yes he was deffiently flirting but again....... doesnt seem to faze boyfriend. im glad it doesnt bother him but also wish he would show something and at least realize that someone else could be attracted to me lol. but anyway....... this week is going by fast and i hope this weekend is a nice one because i feel like taking a nice long car ride thrue some back ,hilly , farmy, amishy roads lol. i wrote my sister( the one not talking to me) and told her this is my last attempt to find out what i did. she wrote me back and said she isnt ignoring me and is just busy with husband retiring and etc but she will be in touch and loves me, now WTH! how come she can be busy but jump down my throat when i was busy and didnt get back to her????? somethings i will never understand lol! anyway hope everyone is doing good. i dont like this new verizon internet i have, its faster ill give it that but alot of times i cant get on??????? take care, hugs

its been awhile

2009-03-20T14:06:00.002-04:00

Its been awhile since i wrote, just havent been in the mood and plus switched over to verizon internet and so i have to figure things out lol. can anyone tell me how to switch my email contacts over to my new address????? im such a ditz sometimes! this week has been a pretty good one, i was deffiently in a better mood thats for sure except.............. my son is driving me crazy! okay i get that hes 5 but the things hes doing i just cant take! i was in the livingroom the other day and seen some chip crumbs on the floor, okay........ but further inspection he done stuffed a couple handfulls of chips under my couch and they were sticking out! i cant deal with food around the house and being hidden, i think its nasty and i dont want no bugs! then i find cheese wrappers under is his bed, candy wrappers etc. you would think i dont feed my kid the way he is hiding stuff. trust me hes well fed and 10pds over weight to prove it so why is he acting like this, just because i dont say yes to everything he wants? if it was up to him he would probobly eat all day, hes a picker and he wants junk all the time, i cant have that. i dont want him to have a weight problem when he grows up. so we had a talk with him about just taking food and hiding it etc and hopefully he gets it thrue his head because i dont want to keep dealing with this. my neice is suppose to be comeing down to spend the nite tonite( its my sisters daughter the one that STILL ISNT TALKING TO ME) so we'll see if she shows up, she wont call most likley just show up wich i hate! so things are pretty good around here and hope they continue that way. hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

Thursday

2009-03-12T13:20:00.002-04:00

so hows life treating everyone??????? im doing pretty good just so darn tired this week, all i think about doing is sleeping! im miserable and down as usual too dont no if its that time of month again or what, i never no these days. i think my sister not talking to me is getting to me. accually i dont think it is i no it is!! i just dont get why shes acting this way, life is just way too short to be so petty. when we do finally talk its going to be all awkward and im not going to no what to say so shes just making it worse. BUT I REPEAT im not going to call her anymore or make anymore attempts because like i said thats what she wants, shes queen bee and wants everyone to bow down to her and im not doing it! but i miss her soooo much, its been 2 weeks now since weve talked :(

watched empire of the sun yesterday i like that movie, have you ever seen it? its a war movie and im not really into those but its about a littles boys life and so i guess they always get me because having a son of my own.

ugh iv gotta call the clothing place i ordered clothes from because its now been 2 weeks and still no clothes , why am i scared to call?????? i hate calling people back regarding bills or anything really. and to think i use to be a phone operator :P now having to call someone other than a friend or family makes me nervous and start to sweat, weird huh lol!

but other than me being a grumpy you no what life really is good right now and i feel very blessed and thankful because it could be worse. when things are going good im always waiting for the shoe to drop. boyfriend hates that about me, he says i complain when things are bad but then i complain when things are good, that im never happy. i dont no why that is............. i just always think good = bad at some point so i try not to get too excited over things. im weird what can i say. just tell me to shut up and enjoy life!lol hope everyone is having a good day, almost the weeekend. hugs

beautiful saterday!

2009-03-07T13:08:00.002-05:00

HEY!

having a good day so far except for my face hurting! always does this when i take my meds late, if bf was here right now and heard me say that he would say yea its killing me! such a smart a$$, gotta love him though!

so the results from dr were that my muscle test came back high again wich means its not getting better and thats why my liver and lungs have inflammation. we are upping my meds for 2 weeks and then get bloodwork done and see what they say and if muscle test changes in good way then we will up meds again. he did lower my prednisone in mean time to 40 from 50, really wants to get me off this,. iv been on it for a year now! also hes looking to see if they have any studys going on in baltimore or pittsburg so that i can try those meds. pittsburg is far away from me, like 7, 8 hrs i think. it would only be like 4 times or so over months period so its worth it.

we went to dinner last nite at applebees with bfs cousin and wife and it was soooo fun! they are a fun couple to begin with but my son made the nite. he ate his food then went to sit next to daddy and noticed the table behind us with like 5 girls so out of the blue he starts flirting with them, waving at them, saying hey girls and just talking crazy! saying do you think im handsome etc etc. you just had to be there he had us all cracking up! on the way home he was telling my bfs cousin who he calls uncle d, he was saying you can have one girl ill have the rest! he thought he was the man lol . dinner was yummy and i had to have my onion soup as usual, man wish i could make that stuff, i think i could live off it!!

my sister still isnt talking to me but its okay, i wrote her and told her to call me and if she doesnt i can only do so much, im trying here but also not going to give in completly when i did nothing wrong. thats what she wants but what she dont realize is im just like her so she isnt going to get anywhere acting this way. we'll get it straightned out in the end, we always do.

dont no what we are doing today, im just sitting here listening to music. ever hear the song cupid shuffle? i love the beat, its a song that has a dance to it, but you wont catch me doing it i dont dance! love watching people dance to it though.

well thats its for now, hope everyone has a great weekend! hugs

annoyed

2009-03-04T13:42:00.002-05:00

SO FORGOT TO POST THAT THE MOVIE CHANGELING WAS GREAT! I LOVED IT, BUT SOOOO SAD. SOOOOO HMMMM WHAT DID I WRITE ABOUT LAST, I ALWAYS FORGET LOL.

MY SISTER IS JUST ANNOYING THE HELL OUT OF ME, SHES GOING TO BE 45 BUT SHE ISNT ACTING IT! SHES ALL MAD AT ME BECAUSE I HAVENT TALKED TO HER IN LIKE A WEEK N HALF! GET OVER IT! SHES ALWAYS BUSY AND IM FINE WITH THAT AND IM NEVER BUSY SO I TALK TO HER WHEN I TALK TO HER. WE DO NORMALLY TALK EVERYDAY OR EVERYCOUPLE DAYS BUT SHE SAID SHE WOULD CALL ME BECAUSE IM ALWAYS CALLING HER , SO THATS FINE. WELL IV BEEN BUSY LATLEY WITH FUNERAL AND GOT THE NEW CAR SO BEEN GETTING OUT MORE . SO ANYWAY I CALL HER TODAY AND SHE WASNT HOME SO LEFT HER A MESSAGE . I GET ON THE COMPUTER AND READ EMAILS AND THERES ONE FROM HER AND SHES ASKING ME WHAT MY PROBLEM IS AND NOT IN A NICE WAY AND SAYING I NEED TO GROW UP AND QUIT BEING PISSY ETC ETC. WHAT THE HELL DID I DO??????? SHES GOT SOME SEROUIS ISSUES. AND TOO TOP IT OFF WHEN SHES MAD AT ME ITS SHES ALWAYS GOTTA THROW THIS IN MY FACE" AFTER ALL IV DONE FOR YOU" WHY DO ANYTHING FOR ME IF IM GOING TO BE CONSTANTLY REMINDED ABOUT IT!!!! UGH SHE JUST RUINED MY DAY BIG TIME BECAUSE I DIDNT DO ANYTHING TO HER.

MY SON DIDNT HAVE SCHOOL TODAY SO HES HOME DRIVING ME CRAZY, NA NOT REALLY HES ACCUALLY NOT GIVING ME ANY PROBLEMS FOR A CHANGE.

I GO SEE MY SPECALIST TOMM AND GOOD THING BECAUSE FOR 2 DAYS WICH I DIDNT REALIZE MY REG DRS OFFICE HAS BEEN TRYING TO REACH ME. MY PRIMARY DR WANTED TO NO WHEN I WAS GOING TO SEE THE OTHER DR BECAUSE MY LIVER AND MUSCLE TEST CAME BACK HIGH. MY REG DR GETS MY RESULTS TOO WHEN I GET TEST DONE. I TOLD THEM I WILL BE SEEING THE DR TOMM AND SAID I DIDNT NO ANYTHING ABOUT THE TEST BECAUSE I GOT THEM DONE 3 WEEKS AGO AND THEY HAVENT CALLED ME TO TELL ME ANYTHING. I GUESS THEY FIGURED THEY WOULD WAIT BECAUSE I WOULD BE SEEING HIM SOOON. WHO NO'S, JUST WEIRD MY REG DR WOULD CALL, HE NEVER DOES. UGH IM SOOOOO IRRITATED RIGHT NOW, ITS AMAZING HOW SOME PEOPLE CAN JUST REALLY RUIN YOUR DAY REAL FAST. HOPE EVERYONE IS HAVING A GOOD DAY. HUGS

snow

2009-03-02T11:33:00.002-05:00

Its snowing!!!!!!! my son didnt have school today so now hes home and bugging me to go outside and build a snowman! yea right! mamma isnt leaving her nice warm house, hes going to have to wait till daddy gets home! so had a pretty nice weekend, we went out for karaoke on saterday at this place thats like a vfw. they only have karaoke once a month so i try to go and the people are pretty friendly and except us even though we arent members. gots lots of compliments on my singing too wich is always nice lol. yesterday( sunday) we went to the grocery store wich was a big mistake because everyone and their momma was there freaking out because of the snow. we were just there to do are regular grocery shopping wich we only go like every 3 weeks sometimes longer, we had nothing in this house!!!!! i dont no why we wait so long, but yesterday was deffiently not the day to go i see now.

dont have much planned this week just have to see my specialist on thurday and get my blood test results back and other results and see what he has to say yada yada..........

we got a car last week, not a new one but new to us and boyfriend is oh so happy. now he doesnt really have to drive the other car except to work, wich is on its last leg. he cant wait till july and hes going to use it in the demolition derby lol. but anyway got another car and its suppose to really be mine because im stuck at home all the time, but i havent gotten to drive it yet! :( not that i really want to though, i dont drive much and when i do it makes me nervous and anxouis . but i would like the option to drive if i wanted to is all but boyfriend cant stand not being the driver.

my sinuses are killing me today for some reason, my nose keeps burning i wish it would stopppppp! i think for the rest of the day im just going to do some laundry, change the bed sheets and get a shower and then watch a movie. we rented this movie called changeling, anyone seen it?? its based back in the 1920's i think and about a woman whos son disapears or something and they find him like years later but come to find out its not really her son. i dont no i might have that all screwed up but i think thats what the box said lol. anyway so going to watch that and thats about it. hope everyone has a great day! hugs

a better week?????

2009-02-23T13:43:00.003-05:00

so i really hope this week is a better one because last week just sucked! the funeral for our family friend that passed away is wednesday and then they are having a get together at the vfw afterwards , so im hoping i can go.

went to my dads sunday and it was really was nice seeing him and he accually seemed happy to see me. i was telling him about this car we looked at before we came there and how we might buy it because ours is just falling apart. he accually offered me money and kept handing it to me but i couldnt take it. i told him we have the money but i truley apprecaite the offer. whew is it hard to turn down money lol well it is for me anyhow because i dont work and cant always get what i want because i dont wanna ask for it so for my dad to be handing me mundo cash and for me to say no it was hard. but i feel so good about it! he said if you dont take it someone else will, meaning one of my money grubbin brothers, but i feel my dad needs it more than i do.hmmmmmm what else oh afterwards we left my dads and went to my friends sons birthday he was turning one. it was the first time for me meeting him, i havent seen my friend in over a year. i had a great time! we talked lots and it was just like old times, i hope she realizes that over a year is just too long to go with out seeing one another when we dont live that far from one another.

i forgot to mention that boyfriend bought me a laptop for valentines day. got a really nice for cheap from walmart of course! i just havent been able to use it yet. i have dial up right now with aol and for my laptop ill have to get highspeed but im just not sure who to go with. who do you guys have and do you like them? i have verizon, comcast, sprint, and someone else to choose from i think. hopefully i can get that up and running sometime this week.

got me some girlscout thin mints over the weekend too, they are going to send me over the edge! dont even wanna talk about my weight. ever since it seems dr upped my meds my weights been going up too! iv gained 10pds in about 3 weeks! but i realize eating girl scout cookies isnt helping matters but i wanted them lol. all i can say is i bought them saterday and still have half a box left so im not doing too bad lol. hope everyone has a good week. hugs

all over the place

2009-02-20T15:19:00.002-05:00

okay so this about says it all! lol im probobly going to be all over the place writing today cause i just have so much stuff on my mind. i havent been around because i just...... dont no....... havent felt like writing . iv been a moody you no what this week and having headaches everyday, wich is normal every month pretty much. i no to much info but basically i get all the symptoms of pmsing but dont get the flow if you no what i mean, i havent had one in like 8 months. i guess my body is so outta wack. but yea still get all the crappyness feelings!

todays not good for me because weve lost another good person in the world, why cant the bad evil people die, why the good? ill never understand! my boyfriends cousins wifes father passed away this morning in bed, wich if your gonna go thats the way i wanna go. im heart broken he was just such a wonderful, caring, giving person. he was in his 70's i believe and this was tottally un exspected wich is what scares me the most. iv been trying to reach my dad and he just doesnt answer the darn phone, it really ticks me off! he doesnt have caller id so he assumes its solisters, wich i dont want to talk to them either but hey its your daughter trying to see how the heck you are! i havent talked to him since jan. havent seen him since christmas. im just worrying about him because hes all alone and if something happened to him and i never got to say how i feel i would never be able to forgive myself. im glad my sis sees him at least once a week and my brothers see him i just cant because he lives like 45 mins away and are piece of crap car might not make it there and with all the working bf was doing couldnt get there to see him. he wont come see me, but im not going to go there because thats a hurt and resentment i cant hold on to. iv got to be the bigger person and make the effort to see him even though it works both ways. i wanted this entry to be a happy one but it just isnt looking that way is it! when i have thoughts in my head though iv gotta get it out or it would eat me alive , you no what i mean. just like earlier today i didnt need to hear from my sister whos like a mother to me that earlier this week she thought about killing herself, i dont think she would but you never no. she doesnt realize what she does to me by saying that, am i suppose to be well okay, good for you for not going thrue with it???????? i yelled at her and was like your being stupid, there is nothing that bad in this world that is worth taking your life. plus i always add that its a sin and i do believe even though i dont go to church that they say its a sin and you will go to hell. i tell her you will never get to see our mother again in heaven if you do something to yourself and that gets her upset! she just doesnt seem to think i care about stuff because i dont always show my feelings are havent always been able to. but i think iv changed alot in that aspect, im always telling people i love them and tell them what i think about stuff instead of beating around the bush. and i appreciate life way more than i ever have. some people iv learned you just cant change and you cant change their way of thinking and if they dont think i love them even though i go out of my way to show them then what more can i do??????? i cant spend the rest of my life guit ridden everytime its thrown in my face something i didnt do or heck even someones birthday i forgot. i say get over it! you dont have to forget but you shouldnt always throw it back in someone face, we all make mistakes and always will.

so on to happy news i finally caught up with my niece last saterday and we went bowling, it was a pretty good time. it would have been better if her 2yr old wasnt having a melt down because he was tired! so for the 3 hrs we were there 2 were pretty bad and the last hr was better because he was napping and then when he woke up last half hr the kids started playing together. we are planning to get together sometime soon just dont no when. my son is doing so much better, thought he had pink eye there last week, he ended up having sinus infection. he finally had a physical done and hes all good right now and the dr says my son is what they call a kid who thinks outside the box! you aint kidding, if he only new lol. so thats really about it around here, im waiting on my blood work results yet again a week n half later, imagine that! my boyfriend is like why do you care so much if anythings changed they will call you, im like if you were sick wouldnt you like to no whats going on with you??????? sorry i care to no whether im getting better, sick or staying the same thats just me. i had to tell him that was just a stupid thing to say, mean arent i lol! see even when im down and out and what ever i still can have a sence of humor, youve got too! well im pretty sure im forgetting something but i think this entry is long enough! hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

just bla.........

2009-02-08T16:06:00.002-05:00

so its sunday again, where did the weekend go its just flying by! im doing pretty good although today is a bla day for me, just dont feel like doing a darn thing!

was suppose to meet up with my cousin saterday nite (the one who left me hanging last weekend) she wanted to go bowling with the kids. no can do i told her, my son has a cold yet again and this time its a bad one and plus hes got stuff coming out of his eyes so i dont no if hes got pink eye, his eye isnt real red or anything. i didnt want her kids to get sick, she thinks i was just not wanting to go cause she asked why cant you just come. but hey im mom when the kid is sick i cant, well i can cause dad was here but i cant just leave while hes sick! plus boyfriend has a real bad cold and being a baby and he wouldnt want me to leave.

so just ended up going to walmart and getting some stuff on sale! and then went to the truck stop and ate dinner. came home played some wii and called it a nite, not that exciting but it was spent together with these darn sick people! lol i hope they dont pass this crap to me!

so we anyway we talked about getting together next weekend for bowling so we shall see what happens. i was invited to a party( a special only for girls kinda party) wink! in a couple weeks wich i will deffiently be trying to go too only because my friend who invited me i havent seen her in over a year and its been too long! well dont no what im going to do with myself today, well half the days gone already. i guess ill just finish up the laundry and figure out what me and the kid our gonna eat for dinner, daddys working. hope everyones weekend is going good. hugs

Sunday

2009-02-01T21:32:00.003-05:00

So i guess everyones watching the football game????? is it still on lol. we dont watch football or any sports as a matter afact in this house, just not into it! i havent been around here latley cause i guess just not in a bloggy kind of mood and really havent been keeping up with everyone like i should, sorry :( ill get better! just havent had much to say nor anything really going on. my son didnt have school all week because of snow wich was nice but then started to get old as he started to get on my last neerve! i went out friday nite for karaoke with my niece, first time we accually went to a bar together, she was like weres all the young people at! i was like this is a bar/restaurant not a club or what ever you were exspecting. there was alot of older people there that nite but who cares i had fun, i got out of the house. my sister n law kept him friday and saterday nite. shes just always wanting to keep him and im not going to turn her down, she wants him she can have him, plus gets him out of the house. if it wasnt for pre-k id be the only person he really sees all week and we get tired of one another as you can imagine! i keep hearing about the fireproof movie , keep seeing it in the stores, bf saw that a church had it and you could go watch it for free. when i seen my sister n law she said she bought it and it was pretty good so she let me borrow it, i guess its a sign im ment to watch it hehehe. i havent watched it yet though, i gotta be in the mood to watch a movie. im doing pretty good mentally these days, i do have my set backs where i get depressed and really wish my pregression on getting better was faster but i really cant complain and have to remember not to! heres a pic of me and my niece friday nite , i think she is soooo pretty and glad she carrys her head high even though shes a big girl like me.she told me i have a soccer mom hair do, what is it she rockin lol. how come my picture went all the way up top of my page????? i didnt want it there grrrrrrr. so my cousin that i was suppose to catch up with , that never happened. strike 1!!!!!! the day before we were to hang out she was like i promise ill let you no something but as far as i no everythings as planned yada yada. the day of never heard from her, i gave her my numbers , i left the computer on all day incase she emailed me, nothing! so when she tryed ti i-m tomm from work im gonna let her have it cause i just dont deal with that, she could have let me no something dont just blow me off. 3 strikes your out with me, i try to trust people but everyone i come across is unreliable and it really sucks. so ill give her a chance but since shes part of my family lol im sure she'll find away to let me down again. she invited me to a beef n beer on the 21st and i havent said yes or no yet only because i dont no if i will have a ride there or not or a babysitter but you can guarentee i will have enough decency to let her no something and wont leave her hanging. well enough of that i hope all is well with everyone and everyone had a great weekend. hugs

weigh in, test results

2009-01-23T12:57:00.002-05:00

Happy Friday ya'll!

so i weighed in today and the scale god was good to me down some pounds so im a happy camper! my drs office finally called today with blood results from 2 weeks ago ugh! my muscle test came back elevated and the numbers havent changed so im not doing any better. i really thought for sure i was though cause even though i have days where i feel like total crap i have days when i feel pretty good too so i was very surprised. my dr upped my imuran to 100 mil thats 2 pills and lowered my prednisone from 60 to 50 mil. im suppose to get blood work done in 2 weeks, so we shall see what happens. im suppose to be going out next friday to meet up with my cousin that i havent seen since she was a little kid , shes 23 now. i hope i can get a babysitter. im alittle nervous but excited also because shes family and i want to get to know her, i really dont no her that well. i have a weird family, no one keeps in touch and no one really talks so for a cousin to be out there and i have plenty iv never met, to have one who wants to hang out is kinda nice. im hoping to meet her kids one day too shes got 2 little ones. my son finally slept in his own room last nite! granted i had to read tons of books and watch tv with him and lay in bed with him till he fell asleep and then sneak away but he slept in there all nite! im hoping he will do it tonite too. so i guess thats it really not much more to say. i hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

whats for dinner

2009-01-19T17:44:00.002-05:00

so heres what is for dinner tonite,vegetable beef soup i made for the first time. its quite yummy but why do my noodles get so darn mushy, i even cooked them first before i added them to the crockpot. this soup is perfect for today its a snowy coooooold day! i did end up going out friday for karaoke and had a great time even though i was dying that nite when my hand got so numb from the cold that it was burning and i was in so much pain. once i got home i had to run my hand under the water for quite a while. will teach me to not wear gloves, who do you think went out the very next day and bought a pair lol. im feelin quite happy today, i had a girl ask to be my friend on myspace and not noing that we both have polymyositis muscle disease and shes around my age and lives near where i live. it was just so exciting and i hope that i have the chance to get to no her more, maybe i wont feel so alone sometimes now :) my drs office called today but of course not with my blood results they said they didnt have them, i think thats bullcrap! i think they have them they are just lazy in that office. she called cause i needed a refill on my prilosec and my dr wanted to no why walmart faxed them for a refill when you can buy it over the counter. well duh i want a prescription cause thats what you always wrote me out for and ill let my little insurance i do have pay for it, why should i pay for it! its like $22 over the counter . sometimes i wonder about them people in that office. before i forget thank you christy from color me healthy for the award, i very much appreciate it! iv gotta catch up on everyones blogs im behind. im hope everyone is having a great monday. hugs

just testing

2009-01-18T20:33:00.001-05:00

going out tonite.........i hope

2009-01-16T13:43:00.002-05:00

sooooooooo im trying to go out tonite for karaoke, iv gotta get out of this house and see people!!!! lol. just waiting to hear back from my wonderful sis n law if shes gonna babysitt for me, if not just might have to leave bf at home since hes will be home by 3 today and make him babysitt! im having a much better day then yesterday, yesterday was mood swing central for me. im still waiting to hear back from drs office for my blood work results, i did it last friday and here its friday so i no they have the results they just always take their good ole time calling me grrrrrrrrr. i just wanna no how im doing and if they are gonna lower my predisone im at 60 mil and have been for 4 months now, we got down to 40 mil before that and i started doing bad so we had to up it back up but like i said as long as results come back good we can lower it wich would be sooooo nice. i have so many side effects from that pill it just aint right lol. so whats for dinner folks? im having chicken that i cooked in crockpot and pulled it apart and put barbaque sauce all over it, not sure what im having on the side though. me and bf got into it yesterday cause i asked him does he love me, we ask this of one another sometimes and most times he'll say something smartass thats just him and i do the same. but he told me he loves me but sometimes he hates me with a passion and i was like are you serouis and he was like yes, i just burst out crying cause that really hurt my feelings but it was a mood swing day, i was like how can you say that and he realized how hurt i was and he said that he shouldnt have put it that way but i get what hes saying theres days when he makes me soooooo mad i say i hate you and feel just like i really do but once i calm down i realize i dont and apologize. he did apologize for saying it that way and was hugging on me wich is not like him so i felt better and later that day he did say that he appreciates me and doesnt always tell me or show it but he appreciates all i do. now thats saying alot coming from him cause he doesnt exspress himself much or compliment me, he only only says something when i do something wrong or look like crap etc. i just for some reason latley need to no im loved and feel love, i always feel like im alone............... oh oh i hope im not having another moodswing lol. im okay today really...............i think i just think to much. well hope you all stay warm and have a great weekend. HEY HOW COME NO IS LEAVING ME A VOICE MESSAGE, IM NOT FEELIN THE LOVE PEOPLE LOL. HUGS

oops

2009-01-14T12:25:00.001-05:00

i just realized on my last post i put its tuesday lol. i guess i am a little insane i cant remember what day it is from the next! have a good one. hugs

TuEsDaY

2009-01-14T12:00:00.002-05:00

How To Maintain A Healthy Level Of Insanity

1. At lunchtime, sit in your parked car with sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars. See if they slow down..
2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice!
3. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.
4. Put decaf in the coffeepot for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.
5. In the memo field of all your checks, write "< /SPAN>For Marijuana.
6. Skip down the hall Rather Than Walk and see how many looks you get.
7. Order a diet water whenever you go out to eat, with a serious face.
8. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go."

9. Five days In advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you have a headache.
10. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream, " I won! I won!"
11. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

And The Final Way To Keep A Healthy Level Of Insanity

12. PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS AT THE PHARMACY, GO TO THE COUNTER, AND ASK WHERE THE FITTING ROOM IS.

just another monday

2009-01-12T21:09:00.002-05:00

well its monday again just another day! but im glad to have woken up and alive lol. nothing to intresting going on right now, weekend was pretty unevenful, bf didnt take me anywhere i guess just too tired and i didnt push the issue. this week it will get to me though ill be going stir crazy wanting to get out of this house. i mopped the floor today and washed the runner at the door way and as bf was leaving today he slipped, i havent seen him yet but i hope he didnt really hurt himself , he said his toe hurts, i felt so bad! he apologized to me though cause he flipped out on me and i was like what?????? all i did was mopp the darn floor lol. i had to get gum out of my sons hair tonite for the first time, i new it was bound to happen. i asked him how it got there and he said he put it in there, he must think its like stickers and they come right out but trust me he no longer thinks that, i had to use peanutbutter it worked great! i got my blood work done friday cause my sis came down and took me so hopefully ill hear from my dr soon, curouis to no what my muscle test came back like. i havent felt good the last couple days just so weak and like i could just collapse at anytime when walking around, not a good feelin. today i felt better though, hense mopping the floor lol. i get depressed and dont like it but soooo glad i dont get it like some people i no or read about, i feel really bad for people who have depression bad. my sis has it real bad and about once a month i have to talk her down or let her no life is worth living no matter what. it just really breaks my heart to see people suffer like that, i truley hope i never get it that bad! we were suppose to get snow over the weekend but we didnt thank god!!!!!! not even rain it was accually nice out. my weight is getting on my nerves!!!!!! im up 13 pds in aweek. i no its from swelling and such and maybe cause i have been eating what i want but i havent been eating alot. i just truley truley hate gaining and dread weighing myself but its like a drug i have to do it! but if my test come back bad that might have something to do with it to, my muscles come into play with my weight i think. well thats about it nothing exciting like i said, i hope everyone whos having a hard time gets thrue it and your all in my thoughts and prayers. have a good week. hugs

good mornin!

2009-01-05T08:56:00.003-05:00

im wide eyed and bushy tailed this mornin for the most part lol. i feel so much better right now than i have for days so i hope what ever i had is gone!!!!!! my son is still sick though, poor thing. i was going to send him to school because he was acting fine and no more throwing up but then he threw up this morning so couldnt send him. if i send him and school calls i have no way of picking him up so as much as i wanted him to go to school it isnt happening. iv really got to get to the hospital and get my usual blood work done and get my check up ct scan but just dont no how im going to do it with no ride. bf has the car all day while hes working and im stuck with no vehicle it can really be a pain in the butt! im trying to get a hold of my sister to seeif she can come help me out but shes always so busy and i hate asking for favors from people but i gotta get this stuff done. well when i was sick i lost over 10pds wich i was sooooo happy about but since i was able to eat a little yesterday i gained 2 back today wich is a bummer but i new it was gonna happen. so im just going to watch what i eat and not go crazy and see if the scale goes down anymore. thats my goal for this year is too not gain any weight and loose if at all possible while on these steroids and meds. im not saying its my resolution cause that never works, just really going to focus all i can on me and getting myself better so i can be a better mother and girlfriend! suppose to get some mixed weather this week, some snow :( did i mention im sure i have before i hateeeee snow! i dont have to go out in it so you would think it wouldnt bother me but i just worry about the people who have to drive on the rds etc and about bf cause he drives all day. hopefully we wont get to much. well gonna get off here and try to find something on this internet that will tell me how to get cat throw up off my carpet, iv scrubbed and scrubbed at it and i can still see a faint stain and its urking my nerves, wheres the carpet cleaner when you need it! hope everyone has a great monday and week. hugs

okay question

2009-01-03T19:30:00.002-05:00

like i said in my last post i was sick as a dog yesterday and feelin better today but not perfect. iv had a cough for days and have been weezing wich isnt really normal for me. so for about 2 months or less now when i blow my nose i get blood most times, not alot lot but blood and sometimes when i cough blood. well since yesterday iv been coughing alot and spitting out you no what like crazy and its had blood in it, not everytime though. my boyfriend said the blood is from the dry air and it makes my nose dry, but my nose isnt dry if anything im always sniffling. so should i call my dr and make an appt as this could be something serouis or not worry about it. i dont like to run to my drs for just anything as i see them enough as it is. also have this pain on my left side of chest, thats in my shoulder and travels to my back, comes and goes thrue the day. had it one time last month and now have had it on and off for 2 days. im the type i just wait things out but with the medication im on and stuff i dont no if i should keep putting it off. thanks hugs

thanks for the help

2009-01-03T16:09:00.002-05:00

hiya!
my blog is fixed accually i just never got a chance to write it yesterday, so thanks to all for your suggestions and to missyz from missyzs stuff for taking that darn header off for me :) im gonna go now i was sick as a dog yesterday and spent my day in the bathroom and in bed. i feel better today but not tottally. hope everyone is having a good saterday! hugs

a new year

2009-01-01T14:53:00.002-05:00

well im beginning to think this header is going to give me grief forever! iv done everything you guys said, thank you by the way! and it wont remove. i hit remove it just keeps flashing the picture i mean, i highlight it and try to delete it and theres no delete that shows up. what is up with that! is there anything else i can do, i really dont want to look at that thing all year long lol. how is everyones new years day so far? mines okay just doing the usual around here and waiting for bf to get off work. its sooooooo cold outside, im sitting here and its not cold in this house but im froze! i really need to get a electric blanket !iv never had one cause im too cheap to spend the money lol but im sure it would come in handy right about now. heard from my father today wich was nice he wished me a happy newyears, i dont hear from him much so that was great. i really dont have anything else to say i think my brain is froze! i hope everyone has a great day. hugs

how do i remove my header

2008-12-31T13:40:00.002-05:00

i cant seem to get this header off, i hit remove and it wont leave lol. can anyone help me? im going to work at it a little longer , we shall see. hugs

new years

2008-12-31T12:34:00.002-05:00

so nothing new really going on here just a house with sick people! my bf was sick for a couple days and now my son is sick, poor thing! had me up all last nite passing him the bucket :P i really hope i dont get sick, i feel like i am at times but then it passes, although iv been on a antibotic now since august so really i shouldnt get sick right, you would think! i had wanted to go out tonite for new years but didnt really have anywhere to go, no car cause bf has to work, and wouldnt be spending it with bf. i just didnt wanna stay home, my sister n law offered to watch my son if i wanted to go out but i wont anyway cause hes sick now. its so windy here today can just hear that a wind blowing away! i made me a good cd, bought me some songs off itunes. this was the first time iv ever did itunes and it was pretty easy but now i need to figure out how to get the songs on my ipod that i have no clue how to do . it was my nieces ipod and she upgraded, this things on its last leg but it will do for now, figures i cant get a hold of her. so thats it for now i hope everyone has a safe and great newyears! hugs

christmas eve pictures!

2008-12-25T19:17:00.009-05:00

my nephews son, my dad and my son

my son, me and my 17yr old niece

me and my really tall nephew lol who's 21

my sister who's been like a mom to me!

me and my older sister

me and my son me and my dad

okay so thats it for now, im sure your tired of seeing my face, i no i sure am! hugs

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

2008-12-25T17:46:00.002-05:00

i hope everyone is truley haveing a wonderful day! i am for the most part but am feeling a little down. my father is only about a mile away and i wont see him today, hes at my brothers house with my sister having dinner. i wont hear from him today or get invited but what else is new. its just me and the kid , daddys working! i really feel like the black sheep and dont no why i am. i did get to see my dad yesterday and have lots of pics wich i will put up. seen both my sisters and nieces and nephews at my dads for my sons accual birthday and for christmas eve dinner. it accually was a very nice time and we all got along. my sister the one im very close with bought me like 5, 6 presents and they were all great! she gives me such wondeful stuff cause she no's just what i like. the most special thing she did for me this year was put together a a little photo album for me of pictures of my mother, she died when i was 5yrs old and i dont remember her much and only had like 3 pictures of her. so my sister tryed to round up some more pictures from family members to give to me but only found a couple more but i will truley cherish what she found for me. she also made me copies of my mother and fathers wedding picture and pic of just my mom and dad and put them in frames for me. this was truley the best present ever, makes me teary eyed just thinking about it. i no when i was younger i didnt care honestly about pictures and if i didnt have my parents wedding picture or my mothers it didnt bother me, now that im older i appreciate that stuff and want all i can get my hands on. also i can show my son who his mom mom was. i love you mommy and wish you were here, i miss you everyday! okay enough depressing stuff. hope everyone is safe and having fun and happy. hugs

okay heres a pic

2008-12-22T14:41:00.004-05:00

okay its not the greatest and my hair isnt looking as good as it could . i think i look stoned too lol, trust me im not, i dont do that stuff. heres a pic of what i looked like last year( the top one) and i think i look way different and im even 50 pds lighter now, everyone keeps telling me i look the same but i no better. my face is puffy and my eyes or too, this is what steroids do to you blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! hope everyone is having a good monday! hugs