Hello,
its a beautiful , HOT day here! the bummbel bee's were trying to run me off my porch this morning. i wait on the porch to see my son off to school on the bus but there was so many bee's they were freaking me out! im a just alittle scared of em! they decided to build a nest somewhere and make home but they gotta go. i called bf and told him youve gotta do something because i cant deal with bee's wizzing by my head lol.

Had a good weekend, really didnt do to much because it was just to darn hot! saterday nite went to a friends house for drinks and i had 4 wine coolers and all it did to me was make tired lol. i guess i cant hang like i use too. use to be able to drink couple beers or something and get drunk but now i just get tired :P dont need to get drunk though to have fun. today was my fathers stress test, i hope it went or is going good. im not sure what time his appt was, my sister is suppose to call me and let me no how things went.

im going to the eye drs tomm at walmart and lets see how blind iv become. i normally wear glasses now to read or drive at nite, but iv been needing them to watch tv so that its not so blurry. i dont like the glasses i have now, dont like the frames. so im excited to pick a new pair that i will be comfortable wearing at any time.

im getting excited about this friday, its D Day, i go camping in west virginia. im still not to kean on the camping part even if its in a camping trailer, just looking forward to getting away. theres 10 of us going i believe and we are leaving 4am friday mornin. so ill be sleeping alot of the way there im sure lol its 6hrs away. well not much more to say, hope everyone is having a good day.
heres a link to a song i recorded. janie got me addicted to this now, so i had to try it out. hugs
http://www.singsnap.com/snap/r/bf11a1195

just a hoehum day

"Sigh" im just in a quite mood right now as it feels my mind is racing a mile a minute.

found out yesterday that my dad isnt doing to good, you cant tell by lookin at him thats for sure and thats whats so scary! my sister dragged him to the drs because he hates drs, gee wonder where i get that from......... she took him to the eye drs last week because he just cant see that good and so he let her take him and it was no good news. hes got bleeding behind his eyes and thats from being diabetic and not taking care of it and ignoring it like everything else. so then went to regular dr ysterday and they checked him over and did ekg and he was told that hes had a heart attack at some point and has had a stroke and hes got a clogged artery somewheres, high blood pressure, high cholestrol,so next week hes gotta get a stress test done.

im trying not to worry about this and just pray that he gets himself all taken care of and he will be fine but............ you cant make someone take care of them selves who dont want to. hes so stubbern and set in his ways, always thinks that it will just go away, you'll get over it etc etc. to this day he still doesnt understand my disease and thinks it will just poof go away and tells me i just need to exercise, move around. well daddy your exercising and lifting weights and how great of shape you think your in your not, your falling apart! so im not suppose to let him no i no anything , he doesnt want anyone to no but of course my sis told me, thank god! i mean his kids should no whats going on hes are only father.

when i talked to him ysterday on the phone and it was a nice conversation he told me he loved couple times and when i got off the phone reality set in that this is some serouis stuff, hes a ticking time bomb and just doesnt get it! i dont want to loose him , we may not have always gotten along but hes always been there for me and a great father and i dont no what id do without him. i think alot of times when bad things happen i just try not to think about it so maybe i dont have to face it, maybe its from being a kid watching my mom slowley die, i dont no but i cant hide from this and neither can he. hes 68 yrs old and needs to be around for along time! sorry this post is a downer but iv just got alot on my mind. hope everyone has a good day! hugs

and another week has gone by........

Well what to say what to say hmmmmmm........
the weathers been pretty nice around here except for the rain showers, could do without that!
had to go to baltimore on monday to see a specialist and that was a nightmare for me lets just leave it at that but thank god its over!

i got a letter in the mail and iv been picked for jury duty. now some of you this would be fun or whatever lol but not to me, im trying to get out of it. this brings on anxiety real bad lol, i really do hope i can get out of it at this time!

i do have some fun things coming up soon wich im excited about. going over a friends house saterday for some drinks and catching up so i hope it turns out good and next friday may 1st going to west virginia with some family to go camping! now camping isnt really my thing but they want me to go so i figure going for the weekend wont kill me, i wont be sleeping in a tent i will be sleeping in a camping trailer thank god! im just looking forward to being in the open woods, field whatever you wanna call it and enjoying the senery and fire etc. i hope i make it back without getting eatin by a grizzy bear lol. they told me you hear all the animals at nite, that really makes me feel good.............um what else what else?????? when i wait to long to write i forget all i had to say dang it! been busy here trying to get rid of stuff, cleaning out the house and giving on freecycle. but again freecyle just really irritates me with some of the greedy a$$ people on there, i wont go any further it will just make me mad. i hope everyones week is going good and have a good day. tata

a warm day

Hello Hello,
its been awhile since i wrote but really nothing new going on i dont think. its a beautiful day here and in the 60's or its suppose to be, i havent been out yet. im meeting a girl off here today shes coming by to get some books i have, so hopefully that meeting goes well. im always nervous meeting someone new but hey you gotta do it sometime.

iv got such bad heartburn and a raging headache , i think ill survive, i hope!

iv got alot of drs appts this month, not my thing. i have to see regular dr tomm to fill out paperwork, then next week to see specialist then week after that have to drive to baltimore to see another specialist ugh! im swelling up so bad and gaining alot of weight and just HATE IT! with my illness i always swell but its been so much worse since i was put on a pill once a week for my bones amonth ago. why cant i fight one battle at a time instead of dealing with my weight too!
my sister is finally talking to me and we hashed out everything and im happy, one thing less to stress about. one really exciting thing in my life is we are getting new couches, yay me! never had new furniture always buy used and are couch was functional but seeing better days so we had a screw it moment one day and went and looked at couches and bought a reclining sofa and reclining loveseat. now my problem is the waiting, they said like 4, 6 weeks!!!!!! i hate waiting on things youve already payed for, but i no it will be worth it!

i live in a duplex and come to find out my neighbors are moving sometime soon, not real happy about that. i mean we didnt talk much it was a young girl who lives there shes 27 and her husband whos gone all the time but she really keeps to herself alot. thats nice but then would like someone to move in who i could hang out with or form some relationship with since im home all the time! she was or is a little crazy or maybe thats not nice to say but i use to order avon from her and then one day around christmas she just stopped selling to me and hasnt talked to me since, i dont even no what i did wrong, talks to my bf though. then they say they are moving because someone at nite when they let the dogs out are pointing them red pointer lights at them and throwing rocks, peeking in the windows etc . say what! iv never heard of such a thing, iv lived here for almost 4 yrs and never have had a problem so far thank god! but she is bypolar and stuff so who no's. hopefully its not really true cause i dont wanna start being scared living here.
going to karaoke with my friend this saterday from 4-8 and it will be the first time going out without boyfriend, everywhere i go he goes but it will be nice for him to do his own thing and me do my thang. no plans for easter unfortuanally, it will just be another day around here wich is sad! wish i could get my family together but that aint gonna happen. well gonna quit ranting and do some laundry. hope everyone has a great day and wonderful easter! hugs

rain rain go away

Its raining today, its so gloomy but im not so thats all that counts lol! we went out for karaoke last nite at this buffet resturant and went because we can take our son, they allow kids to go. it was fun and nice to see some friends! just recently i had a male friend or i shouldnt say hes my friend because we dont talk like that but iv known him for years and he goes to karaoke where i go. he caught me on the computer and was talking to me and told me years ago he had a crush on me......... it was so nice to hear. and was saying how i am still cute etc and i felt bad him saying that because i do have a boyfriend of 6yrs but sure did make this old lady feel good! i havent been hit on for what seems like forever and always feel down about myself and for someone to say sweet things sure brightened my day and spirits! so i was talking to that guy when my boyfriend came hom from work but he didnt care i was talking to him, hes not the jealous type. i said hes flirting with me do you care???? he was like no and i dont think he really believed me but i told him somethings the guy had said and he was like yes he was deffiently flirting but again....... doesnt seem to faze boyfriend. im glad it doesnt bother him but also wish he would show something and at least realize that someone else could be attracted to me lol. but anyway....... this week is going by fast and i hope this weekend is a nice one because i feel like taking a nice long car ride thrue some back ,hilly , farmy, amishy roads lol. i wrote my sister( the one not talking to me) and told her this is my last attempt to find out what i did. she wrote me back and said she isnt ignoring me and is just busy with husband retiring and etc but she will be in touch and loves me, now WTH! how come she can be busy but jump down my throat when i was busy and didnt get back to her????? somethings i will never understand lol! anyway hope everyone is doing good. i dont like this new verizon internet i have, its faster ill give it that but alot of times i cant get on??????? take care, hugs

its been awhile

Its been awhile since i wrote, just havent been in the mood and plus switched over to verizon internet and so i have to figure things out lol. can anyone tell me how to switch my email contacts over to my new address????? im such a ditz sometimes! this week has been a pretty good one, i was deffiently in a better mood thats for sure except.............. my son is driving me crazy! okay i get that hes 5 but the things hes doing i just cant take! i was in the livingroom the other day and seen some chip crumbs on the floor, okay........ but further inspection he done stuffed a couple handfulls of chips under my couch and they were sticking out! i cant deal with food around the house and being hidden, i think its nasty and i dont want no bugs! then i find cheese wrappers under is his bed, candy wrappers etc. you would think i dont feed my kid the way he is hiding stuff. trust me hes well fed and 10pds over weight to prove it so why is he acting like this, just because i dont say yes to everything he wants? if it was up to him he would probobly eat all day, hes a picker and he wants junk all the time, i cant have that. i dont want him to have a weight problem when he grows up. so we had a talk with him about just taking food and hiding it etc and hopefully he gets it thrue his head because i dont want to keep dealing with this. my neice is suppose to be comeing down to spend the nite tonite( its my sisters daughter the one that STILL ISNT TALKING TO ME) so we'll see if she shows up, she wont call most likley just show up wich i hate! so things are pretty good around here and hope they continue that way. hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

Thursday

so hows life treating everyone??????? im doing pretty good just so darn tired this week, all i think about doing is sleeping! im miserable and down as usual too dont no if its that time of month again or what, i never no these days. i think my sister not talking to me is getting to me. accually i dont think it is i no it is!! i just dont get why shes acting this way, life is just way too short to be so petty. when we do finally talk its going to be all awkward and im not going to no what to say so shes just making it worse. BUT I REPEAT im not going to call her anymore or make anymore attempts because like i said thats what she wants, shes queen bee and wants everyone to bow down to her and im not doing it! but i miss her soooo much, its been 2 weeks now since weve talked :(

watched empire of the sun yesterday i like that movie, have you ever seen it? its a war movie and im not really into those but its about a littles boys life and so i guess they always get me because having a son of my own.

ugh iv gotta call the clothing place i ordered clothes from because its now been 2 weeks and still no clothes , why am i scared to call?????? i hate calling people back regarding bills or anything really. and to think i use to be a phone operator :P now having to call someone other than a friend or family makes me nervous and start to sweat, weird huh lol!

but other than me being a grumpy you no what life really is good right now and i feel very blessed and thankful because it could be worse. when things are going good im always waiting for the shoe to drop. boyfriend hates that about me, he says i complain when things are bad but then i complain when things are good, that im never happy. i dont no why that is............. i just always think good = bad at some point so i try not to get too excited over things. im weird what can i say. just tell me to shut up and enjoy life!lol hope everyone is having a good day, almost the weeekend. hugs