a better week?????

so i really hope this week is a better one because last week just sucked! the funeral for our family friend that passed away is wednesday and then they are having a get together at the vfw afterwards , so im hoping i can go.

went to my dads sunday and it was really was nice seeing him and he accually seemed happy to see me. i was telling him about this car we looked at before we came there and how we might buy it because ours is just falling apart. he accually offered me money and kept handing it to me but i couldnt take it. i told him we have the money but i truley apprecaite the offer. whew is it hard to turn down money lol well it is for me anyhow because i dont work and cant always get what i want because i dont wanna ask for it so for my dad to be handing me mundo cash and for me to say no it was hard. but i feel so good about it! he said if you dont take it someone else will, meaning one of my money grubbin brothers, but i feel my dad needs it more than i do.hmmmmmm what else oh afterwards we left my dads and went to my friends sons birthday he was turning one. it was the first time for me meeting him, i havent seen my friend in over a year. i had a great time! we talked lots and it was just like old times, i hope she realizes that over a year is just too long to go with out seeing one another when we dont live that far from one another.

i forgot to mention that boyfriend bought me a laptop for valentines day. got a really nice for cheap from walmart of course! i just havent been able to use it yet. i have dial up right now with aol and for my laptop ill have to get highspeed but im just not sure who to go with. who do you guys have and do you like them? i have verizon, comcast, sprint, and someone else to choose from i think. hopefully i can get that up and running sometime this week.

got me some girlscout thin mints over the weekend too, they are going to send me over the edge! dont even wanna talk about my weight. ever since it seems dr upped my meds my weights been going up too! iv gained 10pds in about 3 weeks! but i realize eating girl scout cookies isnt helping matters but i wanted them lol. all i can say is i bought them saterday and still have half a box left so im not doing too bad lol. hope everyone has a good week. hugs

all over the place

okay so this about says it all! lol im probobly going to be all over the place writing today cause i just have so much stuff on my mind. i havent been around because i just...... dont no....... havent felt like writing . iv been a moody you no what this week and having headaches everyday, wich is normal every month pretty much. i no to much info but basically i get all the symptoms of pmsing but dont get the flow if you no what i mean, i havent had one in like 8 months. i guess my body is so outta wack. but yea still get all the crappyness feelings!

todays not good for me because weve lost another good person in the world, why cant the bad evil people die, why the good? ill never understand! my boyfriends cousins wifes father passed away this morning in bed, wich if your gonna go thats the way i wanna go. im heart broken he was just such a wonderful, caring, giving person. he was in his 70's i believe and this was tottally un exspected wich is what scares me the most. iv been trying to reach my dad and he just doesnt answer the darn phone, it really ticks me off! he doesnt have caller id so he assumes its solisters, wich i dont want to talk to them either but hey its your daughter trying to see how the heck you are! i havent talked to him since jan. havent seen him since christmas. im just worrying about him because hes all alone and if something happened to him and i never got to say how i feel i would never be able to forgive myself. im glad my sis sees him at least once a week and my brothers see him i just cant because he lives like 45 mins away and are piece of crap car might not make it there and with all the working bf was doing couldnt get there to see him. he wont come see me, but im not going to go there because thats a hurt and resentment i cant hold on to. iv got to be the bigger person and make the effort to see him even though it works both ways. i wanted this entry to be a happy one but it just isnt looking that way is it! when i have thoughts in my head though iv gotta get it out or it would eat me alive , you no what i mean. just like earlier today i didnt need to hear from my sister whos like a mother to me that earlier this week she thought about killing herself, i dont think she would but you never no. she doesnt realize what she does to me by saying that, am i suppose to be well okay, good for you for not going thrue with it???????? i yelled at her and was like your being stupid, there is nothing that bad in this world that is worth taking your life. plus i always add that its a sin and i do believe even though i dont go to church that they say its a sin and you will go to hell. i tell her you will never get to see our mother again in heaven if you do something to yourself and that gets her upset! she just doesnt seem to think i care about stuff because i dont always show my feelings are havent always been able to. but i think iv changed alot in that aspect, im always telling people i love them and tell them what i think about stuff instead of beating around the bush. and i appreciate life way more than i ever have. some people iv learned you just cant change and you cant change their way of thinking and if they dont think i love them even though i go out of my way to show them then what more can i do??????? i cant spend the rest of my life guit ridden everytime its thrown in my face something i didnt do or heck even someones birthday i forgot. i say get over it! you dont have to forget but you shouldnt always throw it back in someone face, we all make mistakes and always will.

so on to happy news i finally caught up with my niece last saterday and we went bowling, it was a pretty good time. it would have been better if her 2yr old wasnt having a melt down because he was tired! so for the 3 hrs we were there 2 were pretty bad and the last hr was better because he was napping and then when he woke up last half hr the kids started playing together. we are planning to get together sometime soon just dont no when. my son is doing so much better, thought he had pink eye there last week, he ended up having sinus infection. he finally had a physical done and hes all good right now and the dr says my son is what they call a kid who thinks outside the box! you aint kidding, if he only new lol. so thats really about it around here, im waiting on my blood work results yet again a week n half later, imagine that! my boyfriend is like why do you care so much if anythings changed they will call you, im like if you were sick wouldnt you like to no whats going on with you??????? sorry i care to no whether im getting better, sick or staying the same thats just me. i had to tell him that was just a stupid thing to say, mean arent i lol! see even when im down and out and what ever i still can have a sence of humor, youve got too! well im pretty sure im forgetting something but i think this entry is long enough! hope everyone has a great weekend. hugs

just bla.........

so its sunday again, where did the weekend go its just flying by! im doing pretty good although today is a bla day for me, just dont feel like doing a darn thing!

was suppose to meet up with my cousin saterday nite (the one who left me hanging last weekend) she wanted to go bowling with the kids. no can do i told her, my son has a cold yet again and this time its a bad one and plus hes got stuff coming out of his eyes so i dont no if hes got pink eye, his eye isnt real red or anything. i didnt want her kids to get sick, she thinks i was just not wanting to go cause she asked why cant you just come. but hey im mom when the kid is sick i cant, well i can cause dad was here but i cant just leave while hes sick! plus boyfriend has a real bad cold and being a baby and he wouldnt want me to leave.

so just ended up going to walmart and getting some stuff on sale! and then went to the truck stop and ate dinner. came home played some wii and called it a nite, not that exciting but it was spent together with these darn sick people! lol i hope they dont pass this crap to me!

so we anyway we talked about getting together next weekend for bowling so we shall see what happens. i was invited to a party( a special only for girls kinda party) wink! in a couple weeks wich i will deffiently be trying to go too only because my friend who invited me i havent seen her in over a year and its been too long! well dont no what im going to do with myself today, well half the days gone already. i guess ill just finish up the laundry and figure out what me and the kid our gonna eat for dinner, daddys working. hope everyones weekend is going good. hugs

Sunday

So i guess everyones watching the football game????? is it still on lol. we dont watch football or any sports as a matter afact in this house, just not into it! i havent been around here latley cause i guess just not in a bloggy kind of mood and really havent been keeping up with everyone like i should, sorry :( ill get better! just havent had much to say nor anything really going on. my son didnt have school all week because of snow wich was nice but then started to get old as he started to get on my last neerve! i went out friday nite for karaoke with my niece, first time we accually went to a bar together, she was like weres all the young people at! i was like this is a bar/restaurant not a club or what ever you were exspecting. there was alot of older people there that nite but who cares i had fun, i got out of the house. my sister n law kept him friday and saterday nite. shes just always wanting to keep him and im not going to turn her down, she wants him she can have him, plus gets him out of the house. if it wasnt for pre-k id be the only person he really sees all week and we get tired of one another as you can imagine! i keep hearing about the fireproof movie , keep seeing it in the stores, bf saw that a church had it and you could go watch it for free. when i seen my sister n law she said she bought it and it was pretty good so she let me borrow it, i guess its a sign im ment to watch it hehehe. i havent watched it yet though, i gotta be in the mood to watch a movie. im doing pretty good mentally these days, i do have my set backs where i get depressed and really wish my pregression on getting better was faster but i really cant complain and have to remember not to! heres a pic of me and my niece friday nite , i think she is soooo pretty and glad she carrys her head high even though shes a big girl like me.she told me i have a soccer mom hair do, what is it she rockin lol. how come my picture went all the way up top of my page????? i didnt want it there grrrrrrr. so my cousin that i was suppose to catch up with , that never happened. strike 1!!!!!! the day before we were to hang out she was like i promise ill let you no something but as far as i no everythings as planned yada yada. the day of never heard from her, i gave her my numbers , i left the computer on all day incase she emailed me, nothing! so when she tryed ti i-m tomm from work im gonna let her have it cause i just dont deal with that, she could have let me no something dont just blow me off. 3 strikes your out with me, i try to trust people but everyone i come across is unreliable and it really sucks. so ill give her a chance but since shes part of my family lol im sure she'll find away to let me down again. she invited me to a beef n beer on the 21st and i havent said yes or no yet only because i dont no if i will have a ride there or not or a babysitter but you can guarentee i will have enough decency to let her no something and wont leave her hanging. well enough of that i hope all is well with everyone and everyone had a great weekend. hugs