Wednesday, December 31, 2008

how do i remove my header

i cant seem to get this header off, i hit remove and it wont leave lol. can anyone help me? im going to work at it a little longer , we shall see. hugs

new years

so nothing new really going on here just a house with sick people! my bf was sick for a couple days and now my son is sick, poor thing! had me up all last nite passing him the bucket :P i really hope i dont get sick, i feel like i am at times but then it passes, although iv been on a antibotic now since august so really i shouldnt get sick right, you would think! i had wanted to go out tonite for new years but didnt really have anywhere to go, no car cause bf has to work, and wouldnt be spending it with bf. i just didnt wanna stay home, my sister n law offered to watch my son if i wanted to go out but i wont anyway cause hes sick now. its so windy here today can just hear that a wind blowing away! i made me a good cd, bought me some songs off itunes. this was the first time iv ever did itunes and it was pretty easy but now i need to figure out how to get the songs on my ipod that i have no clue how to do . it was my nieces ipod and she upgraded, this things on its last leg but it will do for now, figures i cant get a hold of her. so thats it for now i hope everyone has a safe and great newyears! hugs

Thursday, December 25, 2008

christmas eve pictures!

my nephews son, my dad and my son

my son, me and my 17yr old niece

me and my really tall nephew lol who's 21

my sister who's been like a mom to me!

me and my older sister

me and my son me and my dad
okay so thats it for now, im sure your tired of seeing my face, i no i sure am! hugs

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

i hope everyone is truley haveing a wonderful day! i am for the most part but am feeling a little down. my father is only about a mile away and i wont see him today, hes at my brothers house with my sister having dinner. i wont hear from him today or get invited but what else is new. its just me and the kid , daddys working! i really feel like the black sheep and dont no why i am. i did get to see my dad yesterday and have lots of pics wich i will put up. seen both my sisters and nieces and nephews at my dads for my sons accual birthday and for christmas eve dinner. it accually was a very nice time and we all got along. my sister the one im very close with bought me like 5, 6 presents and they were all great! she gives me such wondeful stuff cause she no's just what i like. the most special thing she did for me this year was put together a a little photo album for me of pictures of my mother, she died when i was 5yrs old and i dont remember her much and only had like 3 pictures of her. so my sister tryed to round up some more pictures from family members to give to me but only found a couple more but i will truley cherish what she found for me. she also made me copies of my mother and fathers wedding picture and pic of just my mom and dad and put them in frames for me. this was truley the best present ever, makes me teary eyed just thinking about it. i no when i was younger i didnt care honestly about pictures and if i didnt have my parents wedding picture or my mothers it didnt bother me, now that im older i appreciate that stuff and want all i can get my hands on. also i can show my son who his mom mom was. i love you mommy and wish you were here, i miss you everyday! okay enough depressing stuff. hope everyone is safe and having fun and happy. hugs

Monday, December 22, 2008

okay heres a pic

okay its not the greatest and my hair isnt looking as good as it could . i think i look stoned too lol, trust me im not, i dont do that stuff. heres a pic of what i looked like last year( the top one) and i think i look way different and im even 50 pds lighter now, everyone keeps telling me i look the same but i no better. my face is puffy and my eyes or too, this is what steroids do to you blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! hope everyone is having a good monday! hugs

Sunday, December 21, 2008

no pics

so everyone keeps asking wheres the new pic of my hair, dont have one yet. what happened was i was taking pics and then my camera just stopped working and so we put new batterys in and they werent working either but i tryed it today and its working so i dont no what was up with that. so i couldnt take any pics today cause im looking a mess, stayed in jammies all day and didnt do my hair, plus to be honest im looking really swollen these days and now i dont no if i wanna show my face lol. ill try to get a pic one day if i feel im looking all right. my sons birthday party saterday nite went well even though my sister told me today i was being quite moody and so did my sister n law. i new i was being moody but i didnt think i was being that bad. my sister was getting on my nerves for reasons and i did tell her why and my sister law i snapped on her at the party only because she kept picking on me and teasing me and normally i can deal with that cause i no she means no harm but it just got to me for some reason and i told her to lay off in not such a nice way. i did call and apologize today and she wasnt mad at all, she said she picks at me to get to me so what does that tell you, im gonna at some point get tired of it! i dont no why i got moody i guess i was just stressed with people in my house cause im not use to that plus my dad wouldnt come and that irrated me cause my sister offered to bring him. he has no life hes retired and acts like a hermit, if i dont go see him id never see him, so i kinda figured he wouldnt come but i thought he would for his grandson but he really doesnt act like a grandfather so what do i exspect. at least my son doesnt really no any better and doesnt get upset when grandpa doesnt see him or want much to do with him he no's hes got plenty others who love him. but......... surprise surprise my twin brother did show up and we had a nice time, we got along good and it was the first time in a year that we were together, my son sees him all the time i just dont. omg i no i have to have gained like 10pds already from eating this birthday cake and left over pizza! take it away please!!!!!! my sister made me pistacho ambrosia salad with dreamwhip or something, its green and she puts marshmellows, coconut, little can oranges and fruit cocktail. i love that stuff she makes it just for me normally once a year twice if im lucky, i dont share it lol!
so thats really about it just waiting for christmas to come around so we can give the kid his presents so he will quit bugging us! we have to stock up on batterys though cause it seems like everything we bought him needs batterys, i think as much as you have to pay for toys these days they should come with them! gonna go, my son is being a grumpy troll as he would say and hes tired so i hope everyone had a great weekend, iv gotta catch up on blogs. hugs

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

well i did it

i went and got my hair chopped, its like a bob style as the stylist said. i got it dyed a brown color wich is more my natural color and some highlights. i like it pretty much but deffiently have to get use to it! its the shortest iv ever had it. i will post a pic saterday when we have my sons birthday party! i hope everyone is well and keeping warm! hugs

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

okay question

so just sitting here waiting for my son to get home from school and tell me all about the nutcracker, im sure he had a blast! did i mention that boyfriend on the way to taking me to the drs gets us pulled over cause he wasnt wearing his seatbelt and so now $63 later thats that! he will never learn, he hates wearing them but i tell him you gotta get over it and just wear it your costing us too much money! so heres my question.............. i mentioned some time last month about getting my hair done the whole shabang, cut, dye, highlights for my birthday thats not going to be cheap, i dont think ill be walking out of the salon for less than $100. well i never got it done cause money got tight and bf not working as much but now hes working this side job everyday and will be at least till feb. we are doing better money wise and not behind on anything so should i get my hair done now? he says i should why we have a little extra cash but i feel so guilty. its like my birthday/ christmas present now lol. i dont no what to do, i want to get it done so bad cause i havent had a haircut in 7 months and need a change but feel like a bad person and should just put the money aside if we need it. what do you think? put aside incase we need it or just go do it cause like bf says if i wait to long we wont have it and should just do it while we have the extra cash. but dont think im not going to rub that $63 we have to pay for the ticket in his face that could have went to my haircut lol hugs

Monday, December 15, 2008

smellin good and drs appt

so had a okay weekend........... saterday bf worked all day and my sister n law wanted to keep my son over nite yet again( no complaints here lol) god i love that girl! so when she picked my son up she took me to the doller land and i picked up some stuff then grabbed some dinner and came home and ate all by my lonesome :( i couldnt find anyone to hang out with and bf wasnt coming home to after 12. sunday before bf had to work we went christmas shopping/ birthday for our son that was okay. i really wasnt that much into it, toys are just so darn exspensive anymore and they really didt have anything good. got him some learning stuff, handy manny tool box, smash n go racecar track thing etc etc. i then went and used a gift card i got for my birthday at bath and body works and got this gift set that was called cherry blossom i love it! it came with a candle, body wash, bubble bath, body spray, body lotion and luffa thing or what ever you call them im drawing a blank here lol. went to the drs today and we talked about my muscle test that came back and hes just stummped on why that is, why the steroid isnt working now but luckley he didnt raise my dosage on predisone yet, he raised my dosage on the imuran and will continue to raise it every two weeks and i have to get blood work every two weeks now for a couple months and we go from there. if my test dont start coming back better we will try a new medicine. hes also looking into a study group in pa at the universitys. my son is going to the dutch apple theater in pa to see the nutcracker, he is so excited! i wish i was going iv never seen it:( so i will be have me time from 8am till 2:30 oh what am i going to do........... lets seeee probobly nothing as everyone i no works , but am trying to see if my sister n law can take me to get my bloodwork done, shes layed off right now for couple weeks. so thats pretty much it in my life right now. did finally call my sister i wasnt talking too and invited her saterday to my sons little birthday get together, got the voicemail so we shall see if she calls me back. hope yall have a great tuesday! hugs

Friday, December 12, 2008

im okay now lol

im okay now, dont feel like crying lol. what the heck is wrong with me, mood swing maybe?????? bf is home and sleeping, been working since 2pm yesterday till 3pm today poor baby. im just sitting here playing on the computer and no attack yet but still feel every so often im gonna have one. quite weird! so again hope everyone has a great weekend. toodles :P

not having a good day!

okay so this post is gonna be a downer so if you dont want to read about my whining then you might wanna stop reading now lol. im just not having a good day, where do i start.................i think im about to have a gallbladder attack, my stomache is starting to hurt real bad and iv just got the feelings i always get when im about to have one, i hope its not too bad if thats the case. im just so weepy today, i think i need a good cry or something! i miss my bf sooo much i havent seen him since 2:00pm yesterday cause hes been working emergency on call and i have no clue when i will see him. last nite was the first time i stayed home all nite with out him here, needless to say i didnt sleep to good. i dont like being home at nite by myself and could not do it always im too chicken! my dr called today and my muscle test or still bad , they havent gone down at all in the last 5, 6 weeks. so thats means ovously this new medicine isnt working and the steroids arent working either. wich i dont get why cause the steroids were working for couple months and now my test just keep coming back bad and i dont no whats going on and where to go from here. if the test keep coming back bad but i feel okay than im not too worried but if it means in the long run im going to start getting sick again i just cant do it and thats what scares me. im already stuck in this house alot due to only having one car and wish i could get out more. but to not be able to leave my house again cause im too weak to walk and stuff i just dont want to go thrue again. so i guess i just need to keep the faith and when i see my dr on monday we can figure what we are going to do. i need to not get myself upset before i truley understand whats going on. to all that do read my blog i dont write about my disease for anyone to feel pity or anything just to thow that out there i just have to write how i feel down, it helps me to feel better since i dont have alot of people to confide in. but yes please dont ever feel sorry for me( this means you lucy) cause trust me i doing fine, better than alot of people. i can get out of my house, walk, do things for myself, your son is the one that truley suffered and it breaks my heart when i think about it! so anyway just going to try to have a good day the best i can and quite being so down. i hope you all have a great weekend. hugs

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

so here i am wide awake

why is it i get all this energy at the wrong darn time, its 10:30 almost i should be in bed not rearing to go lol. could have been cause we finally got my sons room done and moved the rest of his stuff back in there. iv been bagging up toys and am going to give them to someone on freecycle. always feel bad though cause i get some many responses of people who want them and i dont have enough to give to everyone. plus you get sob stories i have 10 kids etc and they need them, i dont no who to believe. so i just give them who responds first and then go down the list if they dont pick them up. i have a jacket and some shoes im getting rid of too, i just wanna clean this place out and get rid of the clutter. i admit though i have a hard time doing it , im always afraid that something i get rid of ill need it at some point and we dont have money to just go pick out a new one like that, but i have to keep in mind if i havent used in in a while then really i dont need it and need to pass on to someone else. somethings must have been dusty cause my nose is bugging me now! iv yet to figure out what kind of cake to do for my sons birthday, dont no whether we will bake our own wich im deffiently not the baker ,i managed to botch up some chocolate chip cookies i baked earlier and they deffiently didnt come out right, real flat and cake like lol. so im not baking no cake , or do we buy. i say i might just have to buy a small one, we shall how much they are, and of course he will want something on it a theme i mean. so for his birthday wich we arent getting together on his bday cause thats christmas eve, we will get together next week some time. just invited my sis and her family and my sis n law. my dad wont come im sure and other brothers and sisters wont come so it will just be a little affair. thats more to my liking though, i dont like big crowdes and alot going on at one time it drives me crazy! i think i try to keep track of everything to much and all thats going on and wind up giving myself a huge migraine. we didnt even buy him anything yet (gasp) just havent been in the shopping mood and theres nothing he really needs so felt theres no rush you no. will have to pick him something up this weekend though. well i guess thats really it, man you would think iv drank a gallon of coffee the way im feeling lol, i dont even drink coffee for that reason. hope everyone has a great thursday! hugs

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


im just so drained right now for some reason! i just wanna go to bed and its only 5:30 lol. i dont no if its from doing alot yesterday and today and it just wiped me out or what but iv been dragging. went and got blood work done and had to stop a few times when i was walking, felt like i was gonna drop right there. kept the kid home today, hes doing better but still dont feel good as hes still being quite and just lieing around. i made some turkey noodle soup today so that was a nice easy dinner in the crockpot, although my egg noodles got all mushy :( still taste good though. my sister n law is the one who took me to get blood work and it was nice talking to her, i really dont see her much but shes like a sis to me. she told me today she is deffiently divorseing my brother( my twin) and its really no surprise. shes just getting some stuff straightened out and her plan on what shes going to do etc. theyve needed to be divorsed forever ago but she was always to afraid to leave and he wont go. my brother unfortunally has problems, not a good person, i no deep down he is somewheres but it just doesnt show. hes got a drinking problem and is a very mean person when he drinks and he becomes verbully abusive and has been physically before. so i guess shes just had enough, 10yrs worth or so and so im glad shes doing this. i worry what will happen to my brother when this all comes out and brought into action cause hes the type if he cant have her no one can but i hope he can get straightened out and get help. still dont have the darn christmas tree up, i hope bf gets it down from attic at least by the weekend so i can put it up, christmas will be here before you no it! i hope everyone is having a good day. im gonna lay down and read for a bit. hugs

Monday, December 8, 2008

alittle sick

Heres my little soon to be 5yr old son name chase, hes such a goofball!

he was at his aunts house building a gingerbread house. poor thing isnt feeling good today, came home from school and has been on the couch ever since. thats so not like him, hes normally so loud and running around acting like a nut and when he wasnt doing that i new he didnt feel good lol! dont no whether im keepin him home from school tomorrow or not, he doesnt have a fever right now. its been such a quite day, boyfriends been working all day wont be home till 12 tonite and iv just been cleaning doing some laundry, reading books, anything to not be bored lol. my sister n law is taking me to get my blood work tomm cause my drs appt is monday and they will need my blood results. nothing like waiting to the last minute to get things done huh lol thats how it always works with me,i wait till the last minute to do everything! still in pretty much a happy mood these days, i sure do hope it stays, i dont want to go back to feeling depressed. sent my christmas cards out so let me no when you get them. hope everyone has a great tuesday. hugs

Sunday, December 7, 2008

time changes everything!

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.But it was a long time ago, and was just that one day!!

THE END............

Saturday, December 6, 2008

another good day!

something must be in the air, i had another good day!(meaning happy) it snowed today and not happy about that, i hate snow! im always afraid my big butt is going to slip n fall and then im not going to be able to get up lol, funny but not funny! my sister n law decided to keep my son over nite so that was nice. we didnt really have any plans to do anything tonight bf and i so we just went to walmart to pick up somethings and i got my christmas cards, just gotta fill them out now. i wanted to rent a movie from the red box, but they didnt have what i wanted to see wich is The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian , has anyone seen this? or wanted to see something funny but they just didnt have anything good. that horton hears a who comes out tuesday i wanna see that, sorry im like a big kid :). so anyway just came home and ate dinner, played alittle game system and talked to my niece for a while on the phone, shes 17 and like this age alot more than when she was younger although i dont see her as much cause shes always on the run! plus bonus was me and bf had a nice , peaceful time together. he was being so nice to me wich dont get me wrong he normally is nice but today we didnt fight at all. poor thing was sooooo tired though, went to bed at 10. these long shifts are going to kill him but worth it for the money, hes gotta work today all day too. he said i could come with him and sit in the truck and keep him company but um no thanks! sitting that long will just stiffen and swell me up and plus its too darn cold! finally feel like im coming around again, to the land of the living. i cant really explain it ......but when i was really sick and sorry ill always talk about being sick cause its my life and its something you dont forget. but i didnt want to see anyone or really talk to anyone and now that im doing so much better im talking to some old friends again and it feels nice and making some new friends, im not feeling quite so lonley anymore. it will still be awhile before i feel comfortable hanging out with certain people and stuff cause i still cant do certain things with out feeling like everyones looking at me and with my face being puffy and my eyes puffy most days i feel weird looking at people who new me before cause i no i look different but overall im starting to feel normal again. do you no what i mean at all lol. well i guess thats it for now. hope everyones weekend is going great! lovin getting the christmas cards, thanks kat, missie, lucy! hugs

Friday, December 5, 2008


im writing cause im happy right now for some reason? today was just a good day i guess. i still havent seen my bf yet and wonder when hes coming home but he'll be home soon i hope its 10 now. hes been been gone since 5:30am today working, he got offered some side work yesterday driving how should i put it........... a poop truck lol. its not greatest job out there to say the least but its paying good and its easy he says lol. mostley alot of sitting and waiting right now but hes getting payed so i dont care!!!!!! but i do miss him, we fight like cats and dogs when hes here but when hes out there working all day i miss him and feel bad that im nice and warm at home. hes gotta work all weekend too but hey when you need money you cant complain. and my son found his library book(katie thanks for saying i hope he finds it, you brought him luck lol) so now we dont have to pay for that but he was upset he thought by turning it in that they would take him to the library to get another and i said no you have to wait till next thursay now, he'll get over it! my sister n law is taking my son for awhile tommorrow nite to build a ginger bread house , hes so excited, mommys happy too shes gets a break from the kid! i love my son but i need a break from him and peace and quite sometimes. i hope i can get out of this house for a little bit this weekend i havent left the house since sunday bla! i hope everyone has a good weekend. hugs

Thursday, December 4, 2008

its thursday already........

wow this week is going by real fast to me.......... dont have much going on really. bf has had a little work this week so far, not much! will be intresting to see what his paycheck is for. we go thrue this stress every year during the winter because of the type of job he has but this year with the bad economy it just didnt help and so the stress is here a little sooner than usual and im hating it! but we were able to pay rent wich i was relieved about, was a little worried. theres no other jobs really out there right now and i should say nothing that is worth taking that we can get by on with one income. bf and i are i arent getting along and havent for 3 days, it mostley starts at nite , maybe hes just tired, i no it could be stress too but i cant let it take control over us cause its not going to help matters you know. he says its my attitude and how i say things, and thats what gets him started, well it could very well be........... will have to work on that, but when im stressed it shows! today was library day at my sons school, every thursday they get to pick out a new book but he didnt cause he couldnt return the one from last thursday cause we cant find it! i could kill him lol, he throws his stuff all around and never no's what he does with stuff, probobly got thrown away in the shuffle of his room being cleaned out and redone. i just dont want to have to pay alot for the book cause when he got it it was missing pages and ripped up, but what can you do. he got his hearing checked at school today and paper says he hears fine so WHY THEN DONT HE LISTEN TO ME!!!!! lol, still gotta get his eyes double checked they said again, just havent been able to take him to eye drs with the whole car situation. bf worked on the car yesterday and thinks its fixed , $90 some dollers later, its sucking us dry, what it does is you'll be driving and it just shuts off but will restart but will keep shutting off the whole time, so he put a part in and let the car run for an hr and it stayed running so hopefully that was it. if that was it thank you lord for fixing one problem in my life right now! you no what sucks though , you buy these parts and they end up not being the problem and you cant return them so we have over $100 in parts that have to stay in the car even though they didnt need to be replaced. i just never could understand why you cant return them if you didnt use them , once you open box its yours! i need to start christmas decorating around here just have been to lazy lol plus bf has to go up in the attic and thats a pain to get him to do that.............. well i guess ill get back to doing my laundry it never ends around here. hope everyone has a great day. also dont forget if you want a christmas card from just email me, you dont have to send me a card back to recieve one. i going to try to pick some cards up this weekend. hugs

Monday, December 1, 2008

im around

i just wrote a whole entry out and then bam aol shut me down!!!!!! anyway my thanksgiving was pretty good, had a couple near disasters with bf scorching the mashed potatoes, turkey trying to catch my oven on fire, this house was a smoken! but it was nice and we were together and thats what counts. i didnt even over eat only had one plate full if you can believe it! iv been feeling pretty good too, havent had an attack since last monday and hopefully dont have one anytime soon but its been showing its face around every two weeks. just real tired and achy all the time but i can deal with that. my dr called today and asked me did i get my monthly blood work done yet and i said no , hopefully will get that done sometime this week and i have to get a ct scan done from something they seen on my lung couple months ago, but said it didnt look like anything serouis so this is just a check up. am surprised the dr called though cause hes never done that hmmmmm. we are redoing are sons room, painted it a blue color he chose and yellow. bought some of those removable wall sticker things and a new light some other little odds and end things. only redoing his room so we can get him out of ours!!!!! hes going to be 5yrs old christmas eve! has his own bed and its in our room and he sleeps in our room wont sleep in his own. we figured if we decorated his room maybe we can get him in there. my friend gave me a bed thats made out of wood , real nice, thats suppose to look like a skateboard but i think it kind of looks like a car too lol but anyway the kid likes it and it goes with the theme of his room. he seems to be excited about this change and hopefully it works out, no wait its gonna work out even if i have to sleep with him for many nites till he falls asleep hes going to sleep in that room!!!! so all his toys and stuff are sitting in the middle if my kitchen cause the rooms not done yet and im going crazy. i cant stand stuff all over the place, im not the most orginized person out there but have to have some kind of order. i have to go thrue his toys and see what i can get rid of , hate doing it cause he doesnt want to get rid of anything but sorry its gonna happen. this year he isnt getting much for his birthday/ christmas just what he needs, wich thats how it should be anyhow. the money just isnt there, car is still broke down have been borrowing a family members car, bf is getting temporarly laid off for 10 weeks . so this isnt a good time of year for us but it could be worse im sure, theres plenty others having a hard time, but the lord will get us thrue this . i cant get family members any gifts and iv already told them that and they understand, i just feel gulity when they buy for me. im the type of person you buy for me i feel like i have to buy for you. but at least i wont be stressed out trying to find the right gift, i like to get someone something they want or need, i put alot of thought into it and its so hard sometimes. some people just give you any ole thing but i think putting effort into it means more i will be sending out christmas cards though, cant stop that its the least i can give . if you would like one from me send me an email at one year i recieved like over 20 some cards from this group i was in on here and it was just so nice, made my christmas more special. i cant remember what else i wanted to say since aol ate my last entry darn it but i guess thats it. i hope everyone has a great week, stay warm! hugs

Monday, November 24, 2008

just feel so.....

Well today was my birthday and it was a awful one at that. i wish i had happy things to write here latley but its just not there. spent my whole day sick in bed with chills, slight fever, body pain etc etc and gallbladder attack yet again. i only was able to eat a slice of bread and a bannana today just so i could take my meds. this just really sucks anymore and im so tired of never feeling good. iv been really depressed latley and dont no if its cause im suppose to get my time of the month but never do anymore for somereason. iv been flipping out on everyone around me and okay one minute and then crying the next! im on the new meds my dr prescibed for my muscles but bf wants me off them. iv only been on them for 5 days but 2 times already have felt like i was going to black out/passout and have had more than usual body pain. bf thinks its from new meds but i dont no. i think hes just worried cause hes a truck driver and all over the place driving and wont be able to get to me if something happend. on a happier note im going to accually try to make some homemade stuff this year for thanksgiving. i live with a picky bf and son and sometimes thats good cause then i dont have to be the greatest cook lol. but going to make real stuffing this year for me instead of box kind lol. going to try to make an apple pie wich i made one 2 years ago and it wasnt bad. cant make my own crust though, gonna use frigerated kind, but will use real apples and stuff. gonna make bananna pudding wich everyone loves here! our dinner just consist of cause of picky eaters is turkey, gravy , and im going to try to make that from scratch too, can greenbeans they wont eat anything else :P, mash potatoes, rolls and cousin is making me her coleslaw, i love it and cant seem to make hers. so thats about it, miss going to others homes cause then id get all the foods i love instead of just these few but oh well, i dont need it really anyway, dont need to get any fatter!!! lol. hopefully i can even eat my darn thanksgiving dinner! probobly wont write anything else anytime soon so hope everyone has a wonderful thanksgiving and enjoy the time with your family. ((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

drs appt and such

god i think im falling apart lol. now iv got this pain in my left shoulder near my chest and all on my left side near my ribs and hurts when i breath. it started last nite and has been hurting ever since although right now its not as bad. i dont no if its gallbladder related or something else. i go to the regular dr tonite to get my pulminary lung test done so ill ask the dr, hopefully he can tell me what it is. bf had no work today cause there just wasnt any. sucks cause he drives a stone slinger ( like a dump truck but slings rocks) and gets payed by loads, if no loads gets no pay. so that is stressing me out a bit cause work has slowed down so much and hes not getting many loads so pay checks have cut down quite a bit, maybe thats whats causing me pain, the stress, who no's. so anyway hes again trying to fix the car, thought it was fuel pump, $100.00 later its not that. so now hes bought a brain or computer thingy and seeing if its that, this car is driving me crazy! we have to borrow a relatives car tonite just to go to the drs and i soooo need to get out of this house. i have been in this house for 7 days straight except if you want to count going out on the porch to get son off to school and afternoon, thats it! im going stir crazy! i was suppose to get my new meds im trying out for my muscles last friday but havent been able to get them cause couldnt get to the store, will deffiently try to get them tonite. bf and i were talking about marriage and i was saying how im willing to get married at the court house and then spend a few days in nashville for honeymoon/vacation. iv always wanted to go to nashville but we never seem to have the money or something comes up when you have the money. but i thought this sounded like a great plan. not tottally happy about getting married at a court house but will settle for that if i have too. he seemed to like the idea but its up in the air and deffiently wont happen till like tax time or something when we have MONEY! we were engaged 3 yrs ago but then we stopped talking about it and i lost the ring (gasp) and etc . so we are still engaged just dont no when we will get married wich bugs the hell out of me, i feel like something is missing. i hate calling someone iv been with for 6yrs my bf you no, i want to be made an honest woman. but hes in no rush already been there done that but he nos the rule like iv said to him many times before........... ill be 29 monday if im not married by 30 then goodbye lol. he thinks im joking and maybe i am but im not going to wait around forever for someone to marry me. im not getting any younger or any better right now...... sometimes i think maybe hes holding off on marrying me cause im sick, who would want to marry a sick woman? just these thoughts in my head today dont mind me. maybe i want that added security feeling? but anywho hope everyone is having a good week and its going by pretty fast i think. have a good one. hugs

Monday, November 17, 2008

Doing better

feel so much better today! yesterday i made it through the day with no pain thank god! thank you for your wonderful comments guys, means alot! to some who have asked its, deffiently my gallbladder, or i think 95%. i have been checked and have had a ultrasound and have gallstones, have had this problem for 5yrs now on and off. i just have been noticing latley its started to come around again and worse than ever. i no surgery for this is no big deal thats not the problem. id hop up on a table in a heart beat and get this thing taken out if a dr said lets go. when you have no insurance or minimal like i do wich only pays for my primary dr and meds and glasses NO hospital stays, NO emergency room visits or NO surgery than my options or shot to hell. iv talked to several surgeons and they wont do it with out insurance or even let me pay out of pocket. iv talked to emergency room dr and he said why dont you get it taken out, what are you waiting for i say i have no insurance....... all he said was "oh". pretty much the way i take it i cant get the hospital to do anything unless i go there and its about to rupture. trust me i wouldnt live this way if i could get it taken out, its past the point of being scared or worried about money. i cant afford any good insurance, and cant get approved for insurance thrue social services so then what? we pay for are sons insurance and thats all we can afford and thats more important than me, plus for children its always cheaper anyway. so i guess until some nice surgeon feels sorry for me i will just have to deal and you'll just have to read about me complaining and dieing!!!!! lol. but thank you all for your nice comments and for caring it means alot! my bf tottally doesnt get what i go thrue and wont undertand unless youve exsperenced the pain yourself but i wouldnt even wish it on him on a day that i might be hating him lol. so anyway back to other news we are just having thanksgiving here , just me and bf and my son and thats okay with me. my sister i talk to, her husband didnt want to go to anyones house for thanksgiving so she isnt coming here like planned. my sis im not talking to she is going to spend her thanksgiving at my dads wich is where she is staying anyhow. her and her husband or split right now imagine that. i do feel sorry for her though and want to be there for her right now just dont no how to. i guess ill just have to suck it up and call her and let her no im here for her, its the right thing to do. i think we are having marinated steak for dinner and mashed potatoes and something else not sure for dinner. i want this sooooo bad, not being able to eat anything really but soup and crackers and sandwich has sucked! so hopefully ill be okay today and can have that for dinner. i tell you though i can put on weight just like that, said yesterday i lost 15 and today im up 6pds just from having a little bit to eat yesterday, man i cant win for nuthin!!!!!!!! lol. anyway hope everyway has a good monday and good week. hugs

Sunday, November 16, 2008

i think im alive , just barley!

These last couple days have been horrible for me! iv just been soooo sick or worrying that im going to be sick cause of this darn gallbladder. i know i know you all are saying just get the darn thing taken out but its just not that simple. if i go to the hospital like i wanted to so bad friday they would have just kept me there forever and gave me pain meds im sure and sent me home, thats not going to help me!!!!!! so friday was the worst day, i think i accually scared my boyfriend the way i was grunting and moining and groining and slightly screaming, i was in so much pain i would have rather been giving birth. i was vomiting so much that in 2 days iv lost 15 pds. im happy about the weight loss :) sick aint i! but i just cant deal with this pain. the pain i get starts in my stomache then its all in my chest my ribs, my back, all over, feels like im having a heartache plus vomiting makes it worse and last for hours on and off and by time its over im just so tired and spent i go to sleep! today im good so far except for my body all over is killing me but that should go away later hopefully. i just hope i can make it thrue the day without getting sick, i ate a little something but just so scared. even drinking some water can get it started and thats pretty bad. pray for me i can have a good day without pain pleassssse! bf is working on the car or is suppose to be, thinks problem with the car is fuel pump so hopefully thats all it is, see thats a problem to with car acting up if im serouisly really sick , cant even drive to hospital cause car wont make it that far right now, id have to call an ambulance and i dont want that lol. so thats it right now......... hopefully if bf gets car fixed we go to walmart later so i can just get out of the house. its been raining and so windy and cold around here its depressing! i think alot of people are down and blue this time of year, i know i sure am. i shouldnt be i have my family wich is my bf and son but i guess it just hurts that i cant spend it with my father and 3 brothers and 2 sisters cause we just dont get along and not close. its very sad really! sorry for this entry to be a downer but that just a place where im at right now. hope everyone is having a good weekend. hugs

Monday, November 10, 2008

just another day!

so dont really have much to say i think......... but im sure stuff will come to me :) new pic of me , i figured i needed to update it. i dont like getting my picture taken anymore though cause i think my face looks weird, funny, just different than im use to. i dont no if its the steroid im on are what but my eyes always look weird to me than they use to, puffy like and my face looks alot heavier and puffier even though im smaller than i have been in a long while. who no's just some of my crazy rambling. we went out saterday nite for karaoke with some friends had a good time although i was ready for bed it seemed around 10:30, was tired of sitting there i guess. i had one beer, i hadnt had one in a year and i no that since im on meds i shouldnt drink but wanted one so bad so had one. was it worth it.......... hmmmmmm not really, aint missing much! now if i had a ciggerate to go with it maybe, i smoke honestly like once a month, i literally have one smoke, sounds stupid but i guess thats how i keep myself from smoking all the time. now if i could only find some kind of balance and control like that with my eating lol! you no what i really hate is people who only talk about themselves , my neighbor whom i talk to once in a while but see her everyday, shes young like me and has health problems. i noticed once i made friends with her that i do all the talking and she talks but its always about her, i ask her stuff about herself but she never asks me anything! today out of the blue she starts talking about how she just had surgery yada yada, never new she was getting surgery ,and how shes doing so good now etc . im happy for her dont get me wrong but she never ask me how im doing its just always stuff about her, i no more about her than she does me. i dont no i guess that just bugs me. my son got a note from school that he needs to get his eyes checked at the eye drs, they checked them at school and i guess it came back a problem so we have to get them checked now. i really hope he doesnt need glasses cause i no he will give me so much trouble about them and wont leave them alone, hes gotta mess , touch everything! i have to go to the eye drs too cause its been 2yrs since iv had mine checked and i no they have gotten worse. iv lost some pounds since iv been on the higher dose of medicine for 2 weeks now, i think around 7 pds so i hope that continues. iv been at a stand still with my weight these last couple months, gaining and loosing the same 5-10 pds, but i no it doesnt help with my body being so out of wack right now! i just dont want to be gaining weight it depresses me! oh well i guess thats really it, its kind of a bla day. hope everyone has a good week. hugs

Friday, November 7, 2008

just some rambling

yay the weekends here! so my sister calls today again, the one im not talking to. bf answers the phone and they are talking i can hear everything and my sis says that shes calling because my dad wants us girls to come to his house for thanksgiving. she says to bf is she still not talking to me? he says i guess so and she says well oh well she isnt hurting me she'll be hurting her father. see this is why i dont talk to her, shes mad at me cause im not ready to talk yet shes the one that screwed us over. the right thing to say would have been , well im sorry shes still mad at me and hopefully we will get past this and be able to talk again, not oh well she isnt hurting me, its like a slap in the face to me! so still not talking to her and not going to my fathers for thanksgiving to spend it with her either! im not a fake person and cant fake being happy and it wouldnt be right and would be arkward if i spend the holiday with her, why make us both miserable. i told my other sister whom im close to what my other sis had said and she said she dont no what shes talking about cause she just talked to me dad the day before and he didnt want to get together and was just going to eat out so who the heck no's whats going on. right now im having thanksgiving at my house and my sister im close with is bringing her family and my dad is more than welcome to come enough said! do you all think im being a baby and should just get over it and try to have thanksgiving with my sis im not talking too? sometimes i think im too harsh and hold a grudge to long but this just isnt the first time shes screwed me over and its always been major things and i just dont have her oh well get over it attitude, i care about things and try to be honest and like i said i not fake. she has so many lies in her marriage etc and in her life. im tired of people trying to screw me over so im not letting it happen again. i no im rambling but gotta get this out, its like her trying to sell us a car that she says is fine and then talk to her husband , bf did just other day, they sold the car and had to cause it was costing them too much money to fix this and that all the time. why would you try to sell it to me noing we are a one income family and work is slow, already have a crappy car etc etc. just proves my point about her! okay im gonna quit talking about her cause she gets my blood boiling! good news is that bf thinks he fixed car for now, hes pretty good with cars thank god. so if the car can last a little while longer id be so happy! hes going to look at cars tomm at buy here pay here and see if we can do anything, i truly hope so. i really hate that im not able to bring any money in and all the burden is on my bf, it truly upsets me and makes me feel like a looser. he no's the circumstances and says its fine but sometimes in little ways not purposly makes me feel guily and bad that i cant help out finacially or maybe its just my guilt, and maybe cause its getting to be around the holiday time i dont no.

heres a pic of my kitty shes 2 1/2 i think, got her in june from a family member. she truly brings me happiness, shes a flighty cat and not trusting but seeing how shes gotten use to me and likes me more than anyone in this house means alot. when ever im on this computer thats right wheres shes gotta be, right in front of my keyboard so its hard to type go figure lol. but dont have the heart to push her away. hope everyone has a good weekend. hugs

Thursday, November 6, 2008

drs appts, annoying sisters!

well my week has gone pretty good even though my son was off for 3 days, glad he went back to school today, i need peace and quite! my bf is getting on my nerves , he keeps bugging me to call my sister back who keeps calling me but im not calling her back anytime soon. she almost 2 months ago had asked to borrow money and we let her and we let her use the bank card and she took more money than she was suppose to and that really upset me and made me loose my trust in her cause here we were helping her out in a desperate time. she did end up paying us back but im not ready to forget what she did cause i consider that stealing. so anyway she keeps calling me and leaving messages saying i shouldnt be mad at her anymore etc etc and calling bf , and he has sense spoke with her but like i said i havent and dont plan on it till im good and ready. bf says im being rude, and ignorant but i feel like its my sister if i no that when i go to talk to her i have nothing to say cause im not over it than its my choice right? thats the problem with her she thinks she can screw you over than wait a little bit and its all good and i dont feel way at all! i think deep down he wants me to call her back to find out what she wants this time and he wont do it cause he thinks she wants money again so its put the guilt trip on me , well it aint working honey!!!!! went to my regular dr for a follow up and we are trying to file for disability and he said he would do it for me, while i was there he set me up an appt to get pulmonary function test( lung test) done in 2 weeks. i have trouble taking deep breaths and make this weird noise now sometimes when i breathe and my specialist had wanted me to see a pulmonary dr anyway cause my disease can effect my lungs. so getting the breathing test done at my reg drs at the clinic and then if they are bad will have to see a pulmonary dr wich i dont no how im going to do that with no insurance and they are sooooo exspensive so i pray my lungs arent to bad and we can take care of this some other way, just never ends for me it seems lol, but it could be worse. also have to set up an appt to see the dreaded........... gynocologist :( havent been to one in 4 yrs and my dr really wants me to go, also suggested mammagram. i said no way buddy im only 28 yrs old gonna be 29 in few weeks im not old enough for that, he thinks other wise but didnt push the issue as long as i see gyno! so thats really it in the land of tracy, drs appts and such. going to hopefully get my hairdone for my birthday here soon, dont wanna wait till my birthday the 24th so hopefully get it done sooner but i wanna make a drastic change. tired of the same look iv always had basically and want something very low maintence cause my hair falls out a lot sometimes and its changed alot since being sick the texture and stuff and its just not as pretty anymore. so gonna get a short cut and dye job. just dont no what kind of short cut is the problem cause i have a fat face! lol and its round so what kind of short cut will look right? ill have to check around a bit i guess before i make this move but im doing it darn it, its grows back right......... lol. i may not have internet here for to much longer cause we have to cut back on somethings cause we have to try to find away to get another vehicle. the car all the way to the drs last nite kept stalling and wouldnt start and gears were all screwed up just a mess, i wasnt too afraid cause bf was driving and hes an excellent driver but just hate that i have no car to drive, he wont even let me drive it now if i wanted too. so going to have to cut out stuff and internet might be one, i really dont wanna give it up lol i really dont want to!!!!!! but i guess if i have to so we can find cheap payments on a car than i have to, we shall see. i told him if you take my internet away your getting rid of your seruis satalite too cause your not keeping your thing and me get rid of my luxery. im sure everything will turn out, i hope! you just gotta keep positive they say and so thats what imma gonna do. hope you all have a great day and remember its almost friday! hugs

Friday, October 31, 2008



Wednesday, October 29, 2008

six random things about myself

okay no one tagged me to talk about myself but oh well :P no one here at home ever wants to no things about momma so you all gotta suffer haha! hmmmmmm this is a little harder than i thought.

1. i hate shoes worn in the house, unless you are a guest no shoes worn in the house, i dont no what it is but it irritates me to no end and feel the house is cleaner with no shoes!

2.i love to read, could spend a whole day reading a good book!

3. i have a fraternal twin he is my brother but we dont get along and dont talk!

4.i wash my hands alot, i hate dirty hands and people with dirty hands!

5.i love karaoke, i could go to karaoke 7 nites a week!

6. iv never been to the dentist! but luckley my teeth or in pretty good shape!

wow that was hard, iv guess i dont ever really sit and think about myself. the only things i could really think about were all my complusive behaviors lol like having to have a clean house, no crumbs or dirt on the floors or counters. if i never had to cook on the stove and dirty it up id be so happy. im a crazy girl what can i say. hope you all tell me 6 things about yourself , i love getting to know people. hugs

Tuesday, October 28, 2008


well what can i say

well went to drs yesterday and he first thing he says to me is what have you been doing and im like say what? he said you test came back all crazy and i was like came back bad? my muscle test came back 6800 wich is bad! when i was there 5 weeks ago it was 2823 so its increased and that would mean my muscles or getting weaker. my muscle test needs to come back 200 for me to be all good. i told him iv felt like something wasnt right that something has changed but nothing to drastic, just more so really tired, weak on and off and just a change than before hard to explain. so basically im falling apart again because hes trying to wean me off the steroid (predisone) and im not responding well to that so the longer i stay on a low dosage im going to fall apart again so he upped my dosage right back where we started in the beginning where it was helping me to get better. hes also got me going to get some blood test to see if i can try out this medicine called rituxan, they are trying it on patients who have muscle disease. so hopefully i can start taking that with the predisone and really start getting better. i had to yell at the boyfriend though and say i told you so. he always thinks im milking things , like when i ask him to help me with soemthing cause i dont feel good, help me get out of the chair etc. he thinks im just being lazy but the truth is i need help sometimes still and he doesnt get that, he says he knows that im going to have good and bad days so why then question me when i need help just help me!!! thats how i feel anyhow. he took real good care of me when i was really sick over the summer but hes not the overly helping type , its more like ask him for help he wont just offer, he claims he dont want me to get too use to his help and relie on him and i get that but still you should help me when i need it exspecially if its small things. so needless to say i dont think he will be questioning me quite as much anymore. so today havent done a darn thing really besides wash clothes. its very windy here and cooooold! bf didnt have any work so he got my son off to school for me and has been playing wii all day, do i sense a problem here lol. i hope he doesnt think hes going to spend hr and hrs playing that darn thing! thanks for all your comments to by the way. as far as insurance im trying to get help but not so easy cause i have a bf of six yrs not married , its my sons father so since we have a kid together and live together but not married they go by his income and he makes to much so it screws me. i have this little insurnace right now called pac but all it pays for his my primary dr and my prescriptions wich does help. doesnt pay for hospital, specialist or anything like that so that where my problem lies. i just thank god that i am able to take care of my muscle problem right now even though its out of pocket. i get all my blood work done everymonth out of pocket and just pay the hospital what i can each month. i dont worry about the debt anymore cause my being alive and getting healthy is more important to me than worrying how much this test is going to cost me you no. i hope everyone is having a good day. hugs

Monday, October 27, 2008

in pain!!!

my day just isnt going well! i feel so sick, my gallbladder has been acting up since 3am. i made the mistake of eating a yogurt and special k bar around 9 cause i was hungrey . i started having so much more pain it was making me cry, laid down in bed and tossed and turned and fell asleep for half an hr. im afraid to eat anything the rest of the day cause i cant deal with the pain, the pain i have right now i can tolerate but a fullblown attack noooooooo, plus all i taste is acid in my mouth. i really wish i could just get this gallbladder out but cant cause of no insurnace and if i go to hospital they arent going to help me just send me home and with a bill i dont need so i guess all i can do is feel like crap :( my weekend was okay felt bad all weekend also so didnt leave the house, im sure bf was happy about that, that he didnt have to take me anywhere. he cooked dinner last nite for me but of course i had to clean up but i prefer that anyway cause i like my kitchen cleaned spotless and i would just go back in when he was done cause he doesnt do it to my satisfaction lol. we had baked boneless shake in bake porkchops, mashed potatoes and gravy and corn it was yummo! we bought a wii game system over the weekend also, like we need that! bf wanted it though and he pays the bills so what could i say, plus if your gonna get one better get it now iv been told cause around christmas time they are almost impossible to find or outragously priced. so i played it and its pretty fun, i can see where it can become addicting. he also bought 2 games , sims deserted island or something, and a harry potter one. well gotta get off here i gotta go shower for my drs appt. have a good day. hugs

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Hi :)

havent wrote for a few days cause my computers been acting up! thanks for all the complements on my new background, i like it too, pretty much! ummmmm not much really been going on, went to a bonfire one nite that was fun roasting weenies, might do that this weekend too. had my nephew sunday( the baby) hes the one that i wanted to watch cause i never get to see him and he was soooooo good for me but i deffiently couldnt of handled him on my own. hes 9months but can crawl and he trys to walk, he gets into everything so it was a good thing bf was around to help me lol. i still really dislike his mother though she just really needs to grow up. i no everyone has faults i have MANY IM NOT PERFECT! but i realize my faults! this girl thinks she has none and dont take advice well......... anyway she sends him to my house with no wipes, no milk for his bottles, a onesie with food all over it , that its not warm enough for him to wear anyway it was 60 degrees here, no toys, 4 diapers wich went to 3 cause i had to change him when he got here and then his carseat was all wet. i had him for 6hrs, 3 diapers is cutting it close! i just feel so sorry for this baby, if shes a good mother id really like to give her that benifit but i dont see it happening. finally got my sons halloween costume, hes gonna be handy manny, hes a animated tool guy on disney channel i think? has talking tool belt, its cute! plus bonus we got it half off it was on sale, i love when i find stuff on sale! went and got my monthly blood work done yesterday and go see specialist monday to see how my muscles or doing so looking forward to that, i think it will be good results! hmmmmmm what else think. think. :) got some body spray i love wich everyone else out there must love too cause they were all out of the normal size body spray and only had little bottles and werent getting anymore in anytime soon, its vanilla sugar from bath and body works. bf dont like it but i dont CARE! lol. well i guess thats it for now, not alot going on. hope everyone is hav ing a good week, its going by fast! hugs

Wednesday, October 15, 2008



just wanted to say thank you to the ones that tryed to help me with my blog, you were a big help! and thank you to my new followers and your kind comments! im really loving reading all about everyone and how their lives are and how we all are soooo different! my day didnt amount to much, same ole same. i acually was in a bit of a mood, i wanted to go somewheres so bad for some reason, just wanted to get out the house but couldnt. i dont drive much and havent driven since hmmmmm may? dont like to drive and only drive if i have too, plus are car isnt too reliable so im always worried im gonna break down and its the only one we have. so anyway bf didnt wanna go anywhere :( so im like restless do you no what i mean?????? my son has off school friday was hoping to go to fridays market in pa its a amish type flea market place, lots of great stuff but i no that wont happen. bf has to work and i wouldnt want him to take off exspecially with how slow work is now anyway. i really think im pmsing or something im sitting here and im irrated when i think about stuff thats bothering me. i wish i had more friends, more people to hang out with cause i dont have many im close with from moving so much , plus im shy and and cant make friends easly cause i just dont no how to. i guess what im mad about is my friend who i use to be best friends with just doesnt have time for me and it drives me crazy and come to find out just the other day she was around my way she lives about 35 to 45 mins away from me. i havent seen this girl in a year and all the escuses are gas prices, work, busy busy, i get that. but her brother moves 5 mins away from me and shes right there, did she stop by to see me no!!!!!!!! but i get emails from her saying how she misses me and worrys about me etc etc but she just doesnt make the effort to show it! i hate when people talk but dont do the actions, like saying they love you but dont show it, show me darn it! i dont no if im making any sense or not lol. i just hate that the weekends comeing up and ill be stuck home cause everyones too busy for me and bf will be out enjoying haunted houses and trails with his boss and friends while i sit home, granted i could go but its not a good idea with me not getting around as good and dont wanna fall, trip while im walking in the dark etc etc. i really dont no what my problem is but its bugging me. sorry just needed to vent.maybe i should just go to bed ......... i would if i was tired! lol i think i need a hobby or something, something other than reading lol something to keep me busy and quit worrying about all the things i cant do right now. oh well............... hope everyone has a great thursday! hugs

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

okay stupid question........ im sure youve already told me how to but just tell me again :P i wanna change my background to something halloweenish and found a template but cant figure out where i put the code. can you help me and remember im slow lol. hugs

for heather

Heather, over @ corset, asked for some participation of her readers and so here is my answers to her questions.

1. I have several bible verses that I have committed to memory that give me strength when I am discouraged. Can you share a few of your favorite? Or maybe just a quote or passage or song lyric that you find empowering? / i dont really know any verses or quotes, i just make sure i remind myself no matter how hard it is to do that sometimes that someone out there has bigger problems then me and has gone thrue more. i just try to appreciate what i have because it can be taken away from you! and talking to people help me get thrue things.

2. What would you consider your "lean" years as far as finances are concerned? Many might say college - or when they were newly married. Tell me about your hard times and how you survived... ramen noodles? I may glean some tips that help us get through! / well right now isnt too bad for us still have some tax money :) but every winter it is hard! work gets slow and so no work means dont get payed and we get behind on bills but somehow we make it thrue. im a sahm so that doesnt help, but cant afford daycare and with being sick that doesnt help. we eat alot of bolonge and hotdogs, cheap meals! and try to cut out what exspenses you dont need

3. I'm interested in your love stories. It's discouraging to not be "lucky in love". My first marriage was abyssmal. My second marriage was, without a doubt, the greatest disappointment I've ever faced. I want to hear stories about how you may have given up on finding someone special and ended up meeting him... / the man im with is my longest relationship ever, weve been together 6yrs, before that i was only with guys maybe 8months? i met him thrue my sister, hes already been married i havent. we have a open, honest relationship and i love him dearly and hope to marry him one day. we have are bad days too but i truly believe if you have trust and honesty in your relationship you can make it!

4. I'm loving having TV again after 3 weeks of not really watching. I'm a big tv junkie. My favorite show right now is Jon & Kate Plus 8... what show are you watching obsessively and why?/ i like john and kate plus 8 too, diners drivein and dives, kitchen nitemares, hells kitchen, biggest loser etc

I'm also a big magazine reader. I love People, Shape, Self, Weight Watchers, Family Circle, Good Housekeeping... lots and lots of random mags. What magazine do you never miss? Why?/ i read the country magazine sometimes and people at the store but dont get any sent to my house right now :( mostley read books!

Monday, October 13, 2008

feeling bla

Well its monday again yay, NOT! i just really hate mondays for somereason. iv felt so bad today, iv been in bed all day just got up to get my son on the bus and get something to eat, other than that in bed. i called in my prescription for predison and it went thrue but when bf went to pick it up yesterday at walmart they said i had no more refills, even my bottle said i had refills i dont no what was up with that. so needless to say i couldnt take my meds today and i didnt really realize how fast and how bad i would feel, my body was hurting all over and had a migraine all day. i wont be waiting till the last minute to call in my prescription again!!!! i did get them though, called my dr although he took all day to call it in but i took them and feel so much better! saterday i went and seen my father in Delaware, i havent seen him since feburary. i love him soooo much he lives alone and i worry about him and i would see him more but we arent that close and plus i was sick so i couldnt get out to see him. we stopped by we had to go to best buy near him to get my washer. it was great seeing him and i realize iv gotta try more to see him even though he doesnt try, hes my only father and iv already lost my mother at a young age. so trying to catch up on laundry, around here a few days not washing we get backed up!!!!
hope everyone has a good week. hugs

Friday, October 10, 2008


Today is weigh in day at the club and i gained this week :( im just so swelled up i cant get a break plus my scale keeps changing its mind, one minute it says one thing the next it says another. if i was smart i would just weigh one time but noooooo i gotta keep getting on the darn thing and then its always heavier geez! sooooooo guess what................ my washer decided to die last nite and this was after i had filled it with clothes, it was filled with water to the top and even had detergent and it didnt even start to wash and bam it wont work no more!!!!!!!!!!!!!! now granted we didnt buy this washer i live in a rental duplex, it was old but i really dont think the landlord is going to replace it :( so now we are going to have to buy a new one. wich im excited to get a new one just dont wanna spend the money. i seen one in the paper for $318 on sale it was a whirlpool but dang thats still alot of money to me lol. i think we are going to check out the scratch and dent place first though, anyway to save money i say, who cares what it looks like as long as its new or newer and runs! but............ now i have the lucky job of wringing out the clothes in the washer and pailing out the water so we can get the washer out of here, lucky me! so off to do that............. hope everyone has a great friday! hugs

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Heres a pic of my baby, he drives me crazy everyday and makes me wonder can i handle this mom thing but i cant see my life any other way! i hope to one day have a little girl but dont no if that will happen. with my disease my dr said it wouldnt be a good idea or at least not right now and plus im too fat, dont need to gain anymore weight lol. so until then.......... This was his first day of pre-k this year.


sooooooo my chicken noodle soup turned out Great! i didnt get a chance to take a pic . i know it was good cause my boyfriend is sooooo picky and he ate it up so ill have to try to make some other kind of soup one day. we went to karaoke last nite for only about an hr but it was nice, nice to see some regulars i havent seen in awhile. wednesdays are burger nite there so that what we got but i got mine to go, cant eat then sing. i got to sing 2 songs, trisha yearwood - baby i lied and unforgettable by nat kind cole ? i sang this with a guy that goes there that can sing really good, he sings alot of frank sonatra songs. got alot of compliments on my singing wich always makes me feel good, like i said its been awhile like 5 months since iv been to karaoke and i was feeling a little rusty plus i get nervous being infront of people. if i could live my dream right now it would be to be a country singer, its my life! to never sing again i think i would just die. iv been asked to be in bands and told to go to american idol , contest etc but i just dont do it cause i cant handle people looking at me and setting myself up for failure. and im not being cocky i know i can sing good just dont want people thinking im full of myself cause im not! isnt that funny that me admitting i sing good makes me feel bad and so full of myself, why cant i say something good about myself without feeling that way? but anyway......... my son had fun, normally i would sing a song with him but we didnt have time, he would of wanted to sing a taylor swift song or hanna montanna he loves them girls! the older ladies there were trying to get him to dance with them and giving him candy to be his girlfriend, it was sooooo cute! i said man the ladies love you huh and he was like yea and grinning! he was so hard to get up this morning very grumpy but i figured it would be that way since he didnt go to bed till after 10, we were home by nine but he didnt want to go to sleep. todays just been another day, might go to the doller store later to get some picture frames for his school pic, it turned out great! sorry if my blog is boring but to be honest i dont have an exciting life its pretty boring honestly so thanks to all that still come by and read and leave comments, i look forward to them! hope you are having a good day! hugs

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

how do I

Okay so im trying to figure out where to put my playlist code, can someone tell me please :) im surprised i even figured out how to make a playlist lol................ . im making chicken noodle soup for the first time, yes i repeat for the first time eva!!!!!!! i dont no how to cook that good, im a cook from a box kind of girl pretty much! so anyway cooking soup in my crockpot, i put in it broth, chicken, tyme, bay leave, corn, carrots, potatoes, onion and going to add egg noodles eventually, i have no room right now. hope it turns out good, smells good, might have to take a pic lol but then i wouldnt no how to put it on here probobly.............. todays been an okay day mood wise, just sooooooo tired all the time, guess its from my decrease in meds, weaning me off the steroid and believe me i can tell quite a difference! my weights up today still swollen all over but feel okay, as okay as i can be i guess. i was looking at the angels jim shore makes from heartwood creek on ebay, they are sooooo beautiful! i have one that my sister gave to me, its a sister one and i bought her an angel last christmas, thats what im getting her this christmas too. i wanna start collecting them and so does she. so i was looking at them and trying to figure out wich one to get her next cant quite decide, it will take me forever to decide! well hope everyone is having a great day. hugs

Monday, October 6, 2008

just another monday


So i had a pretty nice weekend, my sister in law took my son saterday till sunday at 4, we didnt ask she offered, gotta love her!!! saterday me and bf went to oxford pa to this little amish farmers market, they have lots of amish furniture wich are beautiful id never be able to afford it! and they have little things for your outside water fall things and birdhouses etc, just country looking stuff wich I LOVE! got some yummy freshly made pretzels omg they were so good. went to the amish grocery store next but they didnt really have anything much different than your normal grocery store so i wasnt that awed. spent the nite at home cause we couldnt find anyone to go out with but it was nice to just have some quite without my son around. yesterday just went to wally mart and got me a squarecrow for my front yard and a nice smelling candle, i burn candles all year long , i cant get enough of them. so that was really about it just stayed around the house yesterday we were too tired or too lazy to do much :) im soooooo tired right now i could take a nap and just might after a while, after i read my book. im suppose to be taking my nephews baby one day to spend some time with him cause i never get to see him, hope i dont regret it. 1 do i have enough strength to deal with a 7month old who can crawl all around and get into things and 2 do i remember what all to do lol, it makes me nervous thinking about it but i wanna see him and bf will be off work before i no it and can help me. theres one thing his mother did to him that i just hate though, hes a boy and she went and got his ear pierced! so now when my sister has him for the day when she takes him places people think hes a girl and she has to explain. who does that to a BOY baby 7months old. his mother is only like 20 if that explains anything, shes real imature if you ask me. but anyway what can i do........... well that about all i have to say right now im too sleepy :P have a great day! hugs

Thursday, October 2, 2008

brrrrr its chilly!

Its a sunny chilly day here, its my kind of weather! should hopefully knock the grumpyness and blues out of me! Didnt end up going out last nite, 8 aclock rolled around and i said naaaa dont wanna go, had a massive headache by then and was just miserable, no since spreading my bad attitude around. just made a sandwich for dinner and watched some tv, nothing special. at least i have one thing to be happy about im down on the scale today , down 7 pds since tuesday! i figured it would be a loss cause i peed soooooo much yesterday lol. my weigh in for my group the dietbusters is tomm, me and my partner jeanne were the biggest losers last week but i dont no about this week. It isnt looking to good on my end :( but all i know is it isnt from me eating bad cause iv been really trying to work on that and have been paying attention to what i eat and when. today at my sons school , hes in pre-k they go to the library and get to pick out a book and then next thursday turn it back in and get a new one. he loves this day, i think i look forward to it just as much as he does :P , i love to read and love to see what hes picked out! still have no clue what hes going to be for halloween, there just isnt any good custumes out there unless your a girl i feel. im not talented enough or crafty enough to make something up. it will end up being a last minute thing im sure but at least i know what ever it is we will get are moneys worth, he was spiderman last year and still wears his custume around the house, its seen better days by now lol. well thats its for now .................. have a great day! hugs

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

if i hear NO one more time.......

omg if my son says no to me one more time today im gonna go crazy! when i ask him to do something its no............ i hope hes gonna out grow this cause momma dont like it! im sooooo moody today, dont wanna talk to NO ONE and everyone is irratating me, same thing yesterday. i was getting all upset over little things and wanting to cry lol. i think we are going to karaoke tonite at this place called beach combers. going to take our son with us because we are going to have dinner first then karaoke starts at 8 and we normally leave by 9:30, wich cause my sons with us we have to leave the bar/ restaurant by 10 anyway. this will be the first time iv been to karaoke since may, i use to go at least every other weekend until i became sick. this week seems to be going by fast, tomm is thursday already yay! i wish i new how to get pretty pictures on my blog like everyone else, im sooooo slow at this! well hugs to everyone! have a good nite


testing 123, is this thing on? this is going to be hard for me to get use to!!!!! BLA