Wednesday, December 31, 2008

how do i remove my header

i cant seem to get this header off, i hit remove and it wont leave lol. can anyone help me? im going to work at it a little longer , we shall see. hugs

new years

so nothing new really going on here just a house with sick people! my bf was sick for a couple days and now my son is sick, poor thing! had me up all last nite passing him the bucket :P i really hope i dont get sick, i feel like i am at times but then it passes, although iv been on a antibotic now since august so really i shouldnt get sick right, you would think! i had wanted to go out tonite for new years but didnt really have anywhere to go, no car cause bf has to work, and wouldnt be spending it with bf. i just didnt wanna stay home, my sister n law offered to watch my son if i wanted to go out but i wont anyway cause hes sick now. its so windy here today can just hear that a wind blowing away! i made me a good cd, bought me some songs off itunes. this was the first time iv ever did itunes and it was pretty easy but now i need to figure out how to get the songs on my ipod that i have no clue how to do . it was my nieces ipod and she upgraded, this things on its last leg but it will do for now, figures i cant get a hold of her. so thats it for now i hope everyone has a safe and great newyears! hugs

Thursday, December 25, 2008

christmas eve pictures!

my nephews son, my dad and my son

my son, me and my 17yr old niece

me and my really tall nephew lol who's 21

my sister who's been like a mom to me!

me and my older sister

me and my son me and my dad
okay so thats it for now, im sure your tired of seeing my face, i no i sure am! hugs

Merry Christmas!!!!!!

i hope everyone is truley haveing a wonderful day! i am for the most part but am feeling a little down. my father is only about a mile away and i wont see him today, hes at my brothers house with my sister having dinner. i wont hear from him today or get invited but what else is new. its just me and the kid , daddys working! i really feel like the black sheep and dont no why i am. i did get to see my dad yesterday and have lots of pics wich i will put up. seen both my sisters and nieces and nephews at my dads for my sons accual birthday and for christmas eve dinner. it accually was a very nice time and we all got along. my sister the one im very close with bought me like 5, 6 presents and they were all great! she gives me such wondeful stuff cause she no's just what i like. the most special thing she did for me this year was put together a a little photo album for me of pictures of my mother, she died when i was 5yrs old and i dont remember her much and only had like 3 pictures of her. so my sister tryed to round up some more pictures from family members to give to me but only found a couple more but i will truley cherish what she found for me. she also made me copies of my mother and fathers wedding picture and pic of just my mom and dad and put them in frames for me. this was truley the best present ever, makes me teary eyed just thinking about it. i no when i was younger i didnt care honestly about pictures and if i didnt have my parents wedding picture or my mothers it didnt bother me, now that im older i appreciate that stuff and want all i can get my hands on. also i can show my son who his mom mom was. i love you mommy and wish you were here, i miss you everyday! okay enough depressing stuff. hope everyone is safe and having fun and happy. hugs

Monday, December 22, 2008

okay heres a pic

okay its not the greatest and my hair isnt looking as good as it could . i think i look stoned too lol, trust me im not, i dont do that stuff. heres a pic of what i looked like last year( the top one) and i think i look way different and im even 50 pds lighter now, everyone keeps telling me i look the same but i no better. my face is puffy and my eyes or too, this is what steroids do to you blaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!! hope everyone is having a good monday! hugs

Sunday, December 21, 2008

no pics

so everyone keeps asking wheres the new pic of my hair, dont have one yet. what happened was i was taking pics and then my camera just stopped working and so we put new batterys in and they werent working either but i tryed it today and its working so i dont no what was up with that. so i couldnt take any pics today cause im looking a mess, stayed in jammies all day and didnt do my hair, plus to be honest im looking really swollen these days and now i dont no if i wanna show my face lol. ill try to get a pic one day if i feel im looking all right. my sons birthday party saterday nite went well even though my sister told me today i was being quite moody and so did my sister n law. i new i was being moody but i didnt think i was being that bad. my sister was getting on my nerves for reasons and i did tell her why and my sister law i snapped on her at the party only because she kept picking on me and teasing me and normally i can deal with that cause i no she means no harm but it just got to me for some reason and i told her to lay off in not such a nice way. i did call and apologize today and she wasnt mad at all, she said she picks at me to get to me so what does that tell you, im gonna at some point get tired of it! i dont no why i got moody i guess i was just stressed with people in my house cause im not use to that plus my dad wouldnt come and that irrated me cause my sister offered to bring him. he has no life hes retired and acts like a hermit, if i dont go see him id never see him, so i kinda figured he wouldnt come but i thought he would for his grandson but he really doesnt act like a grandfather so what do i exspect. at least my son doesnt really no any better and doesnt get upset when grandpa doesnt see him or want much to do with him he no's hes got plenty others who love him. but......... surprise surprise my twin brother did show up and we had a nice time, we got along good and it was the first time in a year that we were together, my son sees him all the time i just dont. omg i no i have to have gained like 10pds already from eating this birthday cake and left over pizza! take it away please!!!!!! my sister made me pistacho ambrosia salad with dreamwhip or something, its green and she puts marshmellows, coconut, little can oranges and fruit cocktail. i love that stuff she makes it just for me normally once a year twice if im lucky, i dont share it lol!
so thats really about it just waiting for christmas to come around so we can give the kid his presents so he will quit bugging us! we have to stock up on batterys though cause it seems like everything we bought him needs batterys, i think as much as you have to pay for toys these days they should come with them! gonna go, my son is being a grumpy troll as he would say and hes tired so i hope everyone had a great weekend, iv gotta catch up on blogs. hugs

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

well i did it

i went and got my hair chopped, its like a bob style as the stylist said. i got it dyed a brown color wich is more my natural color and some highlights. i like it pretty much but deffiently have to get use to it! its the shortest iv ever had it. i will post a pic saterday when we have my sons birthday party! i hope everyone is well and keeping warm! hugs

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

okay question

so just sitting here waiting for my son to get home from school and tell me all about the nutcracker, im sure he had a blast! did i mention that boyfriend on the way to taking me to the drs gets us pulled over cause he wasnt wearing his seatbelt and so now $63 later thats that! he will never learn, he hates wearing them but i tell him you gotta get over it and just wear it your costing us too much money! so heres my question.............. i mentioned some time last month about getting my hair done the whole shabang, cut, dye, highlights for my birthday thats not going to be cheap, i dont think ill be walking out of the salon for less than $100. well i never got it done cause money got tight and bf not working as much but now hes working this side job everyday and will be at least till feb. we are doing better money wise and not behind on anything so should i get my hair done now? he says i should why we have a little extra cash but i feel so guilty. its like my birthday/ christmas present now lol. i dont no what to do, i want to get it done so bad cause i havent had a haircut in 7 months and need a change but feel like a bad person and should just put the money aside if we need it. what do you think? put aside incase we need it or just go do it cause like bf says if i wait to long we wont have it and should just do it while we have the extra cash. but dont think im not going to rub that $63 we have to pay for the ticket in his face that could have went to my haircut lol hugs

Monday, December 15, 2008

smellin good and drs appt

so had a okay weekend........... saterday bf worked all day and my sister n law wanted to keep my son over nite yet again( no complaints here lol) god i love that girl! so when she picked my son up she took me to the doller land and i picked up some stuff then grabbed some dinner and came home and ate all by my lonesome :( i couldnt find anyone to hang out with and bf wasnt coming home to after 12. sunday before bf had to work we went christmas shopping/ birthday for our son that was okay. i really wasnt that much into it, toys are just so darn exspensive anymore and they really didt have anything good. got him some learning stuff, handy manny tool box, smash n go racecar track thing etc etc. i then went and used a gift card i got for my birthday at bath and body works and got this gift set that was called cherry blossom i love it! it came with a candle, body wash, bubble bath, body spray, body lotion and luffa thing or what ever you call them im drawing a blank here lol. went to the drs today and we talked about my muscle test that came back and hes just stummped on why that is, why the steroid isnt working now but luckley he didnt raise my dosage on predisone yet, he raised my dosage on the imuran and will continue to raise it every two weeks and i have to get blood work every two weeks now for a couple months and we go from there. if my test dont start coming back better we will try a new medicine. hes also looking into a study group in pa at the universitys. my son is going to the dutch apple theater in pa to see the nutcracker, he is so excited! i wish i was going iv never seen it:( so i will be have me time from 8am till 2:30 oh what am i going to do........... lets seeee probobly nothing as everyone i no works , but am trying to see if my sister n law can take me to get my bloodwork done, shes layed off right now for couple weeks. so thats pretty much it in my life right now. did finally call my sister i wasnt talking too and invited her saterday to my sons little birthday get together, got the voicemail so we shall see if she calls me back. hope yall have a great tuesday! hugs

Friday, December 12, 2008

im okay now lol

im okay now, dont feel like crying lol. what the heck is wrong with me, mood swing maybe?????? bf is home and sleeping, been working since 2pm yesterday till 3pm today poor baby. im just sitting here playing on the computer and no attack yet but still feel every so often im gonna have one. quite weird! so again hope everyone has a great weekend. toodles :P

not having a good day!

okay so this post is gonna be a downer so if you dont want to read about my whining then you might wanna stop reading now lol. im just not having a good day, where do i start.................i think im about to have a gallbladder attack, my stomache is starting to hurt real bad and iv just got the feelings i always get when im about to have one, i hope its not too bad if thats the case. im just so weepy today, i think i need a good cry or something! i miss my bf sooo much i havent seen him since 2:00pm yesterday cause hes been working emergency on call and i have no clue when i will see him. last nite was the first time i stayed home all nite with out him here, needless to say i didnt sleep to good. i dont like being home at nite by myself and could not do it always im too chicken! my dr called today and my muscle test or still bad , they havent gone down at all in the last 5, 6 weeks. so thats means ovously this new medicine isnt working and the steroids arent working either. wich i dont get why cause the steroids were working for couple months and now my test just keep coming back bad and i dont no whats going on and where to go from here. if the test keep coming back bad but i feel okay than im not too worried but if it means in the long run im going to start getting sick again i just cant do it and thats what scares me. im already stuck in this house alot due to only having one car and wish i could get out more. but to not be able to leave my house again cause im too weak to walk and stuff i just dont want to go thrue again. so i guess i just need to keep the faith and when i see my dr on monday we can figure what we are going to do. i need to not get myself upset before i truley understand whats going on. to all that do read my blog i dont write about my disease for anyone to feel pity or anything just to thow that out there i just have to write how i feel down, it helps me to feel better since i dont have alot of people to confide in. but yes please dont ever feel sorry for me( this means you lucy) cause trust me i doing fine, better than alot of people. i can get out of my house, walk, do things for myself, your son is the one that truley suffered and it breaks my heart when i think about it! so anyway just going to try to have a good day the best i can and quite being so down. i hope you all have a great weekend. hugs

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

so here i am wide awake

why is it i get all this energy at the wrong darn time, its 10:30 almost i should be in bed not rearing to go lol. could have been cause we finally got my sons room done and moved the rest of his stuff back in there. iv been bagging up toys and am going to give them to someone on freecycle. always feel bad though cause i get some many responses of people who want them and i dont have enough to give to everyone. plus you get sob stories i have 10 kids etc and they need them, i dont no who to believe. so i just give them who responds first and then go down the list if they dont pick them up. i have a jacket and some shoes im getting rid of too, i just wanna clean this place out and get rid of the clutter. i admit though i have a hard time doing it , im always afraid that something i get rid of ill need it at some point and we dont have money to just go pick out a new one like that, but i have to keep in mind if i havent used in in a while then really i dont need it and need to pass on to someone else. somethings must have been dusty cause my nose is bugging me now! iv yet to figure out what kind of cake to do for my sons birthday, dont no whether we will bake our own wich im deffiently not the baker ,i managed to botch up some chocolate chip cookies i baked earlier and they deffiently didnt come out right, real flat and cake like lol. so im not baking no cake , or do we buy. i say i might just have to buy a small one, we shall how much they are, and of course he will want something on it a theme i mean. so for his birthday wich we arent getting together on his bday cause thats christmas eve, we will get together next week some time. just invited my sis and her family and my sis n law. my dad wont come im sure and other brothers and sisters wont come so it will just be a little affair. thats more to my liking though, i dont like big crowdes and alot going on at one time it drives me crazy! i think i try to keep track of everything to much and all thats going on and wind up giving myself a huge migraine. we didnt even buy him anything yet (gasp) just havent been in the shopping mood and theres nothing he really needs so felt theres no rush you no. will have to pick him something up this weekend though. well i guess thats really it, man you would think iv drank a gallon of coffee the way im feeling lol, i dont even drink coffee for that reason. hope everyone has a great thursday! hugs

Tuesday, December 9, 2008


im just so drained right now for some reason! i just wanna go to bed and its only 5:30 lol. i dont no if its from doing alot yesterday and today and it just wiped me out or what but iv been dragging. went and got blood work done and had to stop a few times when i was walking, felt like i was gonna drop right there. kept the kid home today, hes doing better but still dont feel good as hes still being quite and just lieing around. i made some turkey noodle soup today so that was a nice easy dinner in the crockpot, although my egg noodles got all mushy :( still taste good though. my sister n law is the one who took me to get blood work and it was nice talking to her, i really dont see her much but shes like a sis to me. she told me today she is deffiently divorseing my brother( my twin) and its really no surprise. shes just getting some stuff straightened out and her plan on what shes going to do etc. theyve needed to be divorsed forever ago but she was always to afraid to leave and he wont go. my brother unfortunally has problems, not a good person, i no deep down he is somewheres but it just doesnt show. hes got a drinking problem and is a very mean person when he drinks and he becomes verbully abusive and has been physically before. so i guess shes just had enough, 10yrs worth or so and so im glad shes doing this. i worry what will happen to my brother when this all comes out and brought into action cause hes the type if he cant have her no one can but i hope he can get straightened out and get help. still dont have the darn christmas tree up, i hope bf gets it down from attic at least by the weekend so i can put it up, christmas will be here before you no it! i hope everyone is having a good day. im gonna lay down and read for a bit. hugs

Monday, December 8, 2008

alittle sick

Heres my little soon to be 5yr old son name chase, hes such a goofball!

he was at his aunts house building a gingerbread house. poor thing isnt feeling good today, came home from school and has been on the couch ever since. thats so not like him, hes normally so loud and running around acting like a nut and when he wasnt doing that i new he didnt feel good lol! dont no whether im keepin him home from school tomorrow or not, he doesnt have a fever right now. its been such a quite day, boyfriends been working all day wont be home till 12 tonite and iv just been cleaning doing some laundry, reading books, anything to not be bored lol. my sister n law is taking me to get my blood work tomm cause my drs appt is monday and they will need my blood results. nothing like waiting to the last minute to get things done huh lol thats how it always works with me,i wait till the last minute to do everything! still in pretty much a happy mood these days, i sure do hope it stays, i dont want to go back to feeling depressed. sent my christmas cards out so let me no when you get them. hope everyone has a great tuesday. hugs

Sunday, December 7, 2008

time changes everything!

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag, or bitch.But it was a long time ago, and was just that one day!!

THE END............

Saturday, December 6, 2008

another good day!

something must be in the air, i had another good day!(meaning happy) it snowed today and not happy about that, i hate snow! im always afraid my big butt is going to slip n fall and then im not going to be able to get up lol, funny but not funny! my sister n law decided to keep my son over nite so that was nice. we didnt really have any plans to do anything tonight bf and i so we just went to walmart to pick up somethings and i got my christmas cards, just gotta fill them out now. i wanted to rent a movie from the red box, but they didnt have what i wanted to see wich is The Chronicles Of Narnia: Prince Caspian , has anyone seen this? or wanted to see something funny but they just didnt have anything good. that horton hears a who comes out tuesday i wanna see that, sorry im like a big kid :). so anyway just came home and ate dinner, played alittle game system and talked to my niece for a while on the phone, shes 17 and like this age alot more than when she was younger although i dont see her as much cause shes always on the run! plus bonus was me and bf had a nice , peaceful time together. he was being so nice to me wich dont get me wrong he normally is nice but today we didnt fight at all. poor thing was sooooo tired though, went to bed at 10. these long shifts are going to kill him but worth it for the money, hes gotta work today all day too. he said i could come with him and sit in the truck and keep him company but um no thanks! sitting that long will just stiffen and swell me up and plus its too darn cold! finally feel like im coming around again, to the land of the living. i cant really explain it ......but when i was really sick and sorry ill always talk about being sick cause its my life and its something you dont forget. but i didnt want to see anyone or really talk to anyone and now that im doing so much better im talking to some old friends again and it feels nice and making some new friends, im not feeling quite so lonley anymore. it will still be awhile before i feel comfortable hanging out with certain people and stuff cause i still cant do certain things with out feeling like everyones looking at me and with my face being puffy and my eyes puffy most days i feel weird looking at people who new me before cause i no i look different but overall im starting to feel normal again. do you no what i mean at all lol. well i guess thats it for now. hope everyones weekend is going great! lovin getting the christmas cards, thanks kat, missie, lucy! hugs

Friday, December 5, 2008


im writing cause im happy right now for some reason? today was just a good day i guess. i still havent seen my bf yet and wonder when hes coming home but he'll be home soon i hope its 10 now. hes been been gone since 5:30am today working, he got offered some side work yesterday driving how should i put it........... a poop truck lol. its not greatest job out there to say the least but its paying good and its easy he says lol. mostley alot of sitting and waiting right now but hes getting payed so i dont care!!!!!! but i do miss him, we fight like cats and dogs when hes here but when hes out there working all day i miss him and feel bad that im nice and warm at home. hes gotta work all weekend too but hey when you need money you cant complain. and my son found his library book(katie thanks for saying i hope he finds it, you brought him luck lol) so now we dont have to pay for that but he was upset he thought by turning it in that they would take him to the library to get another and i said no you have to wait till next thursay now, he'll get over it! my sister n law is taking my son for awhile tommorrow nite to build a ginger bread house , hes so excited, mommys happy too shes gets a break from the kid! i love my son but i need a break from him and peace and quite sometimes. i hope i can get out of this house for a little bit this weekend i havent left the house since sunday bla! i hope everyone has a good weekend. hugs

Thursday, December 4, 2008

its thursday already........

wow this week is going by real fast to me.......... dont have much going on really. bf has had a little work this week so far, not much! will be intresting to see what his paycheck is for. we go thrue this stress every year during the winter because of the type of job he has but this year with the bad economy it just didnt help and so the stress is here a little sooner than usual and im hating it! but we were able to pay rent wich i was relieved about, was a little worried. theres no other jobs really out there right now and i should say nothing that is worth taking that we can get by on with one income. bf and i are i arent getting along and havent for 3 days, it mostley starts at nite , maybe hes just tired, i no it could be stress too but i cant let it take control over us cause its not going to help matters you know. he says its my attitude and how i say things, and thats what gets him started, well it could very well be........... will have to work on that, but when im stressed it shows! today was library day at my sons school, every thursday they get to pick out a new book but he didnt cause he couldnt return the one from last thursday cause we cant find it! i could kill him lol, he throws his stuff all around and never no's what he does with stuff, probobly got thrown away in the shuffle of his room being cleaned out and redone. i just dont want to have to pay alot for the book cause when he got it it was missing pages and ripped up, but what can you do. he got his hearing checked at school today and paper says he hears fine so WHY THEN DONT HE LISTEN TO ME!!!!! lol, still gotta get his eyes double checked they said again, just havent been able to take him to eye drs with the whole car situation. bf worked on the car yesterday and thinks its fixed , $90 some dollers later, its sucking us dry, what it does is you'll be driving and it just shuts off but will restart but will keep shutting off the whole time, so he put a part in and let the car run for an hr and it stayed running so hopefully that was it. if that was it thank you lord for fixing one problem in my life right now! you no what sucks though , you buy these parts and they end up not being the problem and you cant return them so we have over $100 in parts that have to stay in the car even though they didnt need to be replaced. i just never could understand why you cant return them if you didnt use them , once you open box its yours! i need to start christmas decorating around here just have been to lazy lol plus bf has to go up in the attic and thats a pain to get him to do that.............. well i guess ill get back to doing my laundry it never ends around here. hope everyone has a great day. also dont forget if you want a christmas card from just email me, you dont have to send me a card back to recieve one. i going to try to pick some cards up this weekend. hugs

Monday, December 1, 2008

im around

i just wrote a whole entry out and then bam aol shut me down!!!!!! anyway my thanksgiving was pretty good, had a couple near disasters with bf scorching the mashed potatoes, turkey trying to catch my oven on fire, this house was a smoken! but it was nice and we were together and thats what counts. i didnt even over eat only had one plate full if you can believe it! iv been feeling pretty good too, havent had an attack since last monday and hopefully dont have one anytime soon but its been showing its face around every two weeks. just real tired and achy all the time but i can deal with that. my dr called today and asked me did i get my monthly blood work done yet and i said no , hopefully will get that done sometime this week and i have to get a ct scan done from something they seen on my lung couple months ago, but said it didnt look like anything serouis so this is just a check up. am surprised the dr called though cause hes never done that hmmmmm. we are redoing are sons room, painted it a blue color he chose and yellow. bought some of those removable wall sticker things and a new light some other little odds and end things. only redoing his room so we can get him out of ours!!!!! hes going to be 5yrs old christmas eve! has his own bed and its in our room and he sleeps in our room wont sleep in his own. we figured if we decorated his room maybe we can get him in there. my friend gave me a bed thats made out of wood , real nice, thats suppose to look like a skateboard but i think it kind of looks like a car too lol but anyway the kid likes it and it goes with the theme of his room. he seems to be excited about this change and hopefully it works out, no wait its gonna work out even if i have to sleep with him for many nites till he falls asleep hes going to sleep in that room!!!! so all his toys and stuff are sitting in the middle if my kitchen cause the rooms not done yet and im going crazy. i cant stand stuff all over the place, im not the most orginized person out there but have to have some kind of order. i have to go thrue his toys and see what i can get rid of , hate doing it cause he doesnt want to get rid of anything but sorry its gonna happen. this year he isnt getting much for his birthday/ christmas just what he needs, wich thats how it should be anyhow. the money just isnt there, car is still broke down have been borrowing a family members car, bf is getting temporarly laid off for 10 weeks . so this isnt a good time of year for us but it could be worse im sure, theres plenty others having a hard time, but the lord will get us thrue this . i cant get family members any gifts and iv already told them that and they understand, i just feel gulity when they buy for me. im the type of person you buy for me i feel like i have to buy for you. but at least i wont be stressed out trying to find the right gift, i like to get someone something they want or need, i put alot of thought into it and its so hard sometimes. some people just give you any ole thing but i think putting effort into it means more i will be sending out christmas cards though, cant stop that its the least i can give . if you would like one from me send me an email at one year i recieved like over 20 some cards from this group i was in on here and it was just so nice, made my christmas more special. i cant remember what else i wanted to say since aol ate my last entry darn it but i guess thats it. i hope everyone has a great week, stay warm! hugs