been gone to long!

I REALLY NEED TO START WRITING IN THIS BLOG AGAIN, I FEEL LIKE SOMETIMES MY FEELINGS AND SUCH , IM GONNA EXPLODE LOL!

WELL WHAT CAN I SAY IV BEEN LIVING MY LIFE, SAME OLE SAME REALLY. JUST HAVENT FELT LIKE WRITING BECAUSE I DONT NO MAYBE WINTER BLUES OR JUST TOO LAZY. ITS BEEN BEAUTIFUL HERE IN MARYLAND, IN THE 60'S OH SOOO NICE! BUT THEN WHEN I THINK OF SUMMER IT GETS ME DEPRESSED BECAUSE THATS SUPPOSE TO BE FUN TIMES AND ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS ALL THE THINGS I CANT AND WONT BE ABLE TO DO PHYSICALLY. WINTER WAS NICE BECAUSE ITS AN ESCUSE TO STAY IN, SUMMER AND BEAUTIFUL WEATHER YOU WANNA BE OUT AND ABOUT, MY BODY WANTS TO RUN FREE LIKE THE WIND BUT IT NOS ITS NOT POSSIBLE LOL. I WISH I COULD SAY HEALTH WISE IM DOING BETTER BUT NOT THE CASE. FOR SOME WHO FORGOT I HAVE POLYMYOSITIS MUSCLE DISEASE AND HAVE BEEN FIGHTING IT NOW FOR 2 YRS. I THOUGHT I WAS GETTING BETTER BUT LATEST TEST SAY OTHER WISE AND JUST THE FEELING WORSE THAN USUAL. SOMETIMES I THINK ITS IN MY HEAD SO WHEN THE TEST SAY HEY YOU REALLY ARENT DOIN BETTER IM SURPRISED! SO IM ON NEW MEDS TO ADD TO MY LIST, WE UPPED THEM AND IN 4 WEEKS WILL GET BLOOD WORK DONE TO SEE HOW IM DOIN, IF DOING OKAY WE WILL UPP THEM AGAIN AND SO ON, IF DOIN BAD WE WILL TRY TO GO WITH SOMETHING ELSE. ITS NOT A GOOD THING TO HEAR FROM YOUR DR THAT YOUR NOT LIKE HIS OTHER PATIENTS AND ARENT RESPONDING LIKE THEM, BECAUSE FOR ONE ITS LIKE WTH AND THEN ITS LIKE THE DR DOESNT NO WHAT TO DO WITH ME. THINGS COULD BE FAR WORSE FOR ME BUT RIGHT NOW JUST DEPRESSED BECAUSE OF WEIGHT GAIN THAT I HAVE NO CONTROL OVER AND I DONT NEED TO GAIN ANYMORE, FEELIN LIKE CRAP AND LIKE IM JUST WASTING AWAY SOMEDAYS............. I WILL GET THRUE THIS I NO, ITS GONNA TAKE TIME. IF I HAD A BETTER SUPPORT SYSTEM IM SURE LIFE WOULD BE EASIER BUT WHEN MOST OF YOUR FAMILY DONT TALK TO YOU, DONT HAVE THE TIME OF DAY FOR YOU ITS A REAL DOWNER, I CAN SAY ALL I WANT THAT I DONT CARE THAT I DONT NEED THEM BUT HONESTLY I DO. SO ENOUGH BOO HOOING FOR ONE DAY. I WILL MAKE IT AN EFFORT TO START BLOGGING AGAIN AND TO START READING BLOGS AGAIN. DEFIENTLY GOTTA CHANGE MY BLOG LAYOUT, THINK ITS FROM THANKSGIVING LOL. HUGS!!