im over it!

When i read my post from earlier i realized it was a downer and i was having a mood swing! im better now and not so woa is me!

Had a great nite at burger nite and karaoke at the local bar/restaurant! had a yummy burger with mushrooms and cheese, couple fries.

might be getting crabs this weekend if the paycheck looks good. we no people who go crabbing so hopefully we can get a good deal.

hmmmmmmmm crabs, maybe a alchol beverage(yea right) i can dream on the drink, a nice ice cold pool, hope it happens!

tata

finally

Well drs office finally called today, took em long enough! my dr wanted to no if i had made my appt with the lung dr yet wich i havent because i thought i could wait alittle longer since i need to get an appt with a surgion first for my gallbladder. so anyway my results showed that my lungs have changed and gotten worse, they were compared to Feb 09. so its like iv waited all this time and wanted a answer now i have one and all its done is freak me out!!! lol

i dont want a lung problem, my mom died from lung cancer and iv always been afraid im gonna die young like her. i need to stop thinking like that and just try to take care of myself the best i can.

i need to really call these people and get appts set up but i keep putting it off...... why??????? i think im just scared and rather pretend i dont have a problem. i guess its the same reason why i cant loose weight and keep it off. i figure im fat im not hurting anyone. but really im hurting myself. i just feel like theres so much going on with me right now its a little overwelming! i need to loose weight, iv got a lung problem, iv got muscle disease, iv got a bad gallbladder. its like what the hell else! iv gotta quit feeling sorry for myself and do something about it i no, thats the first step! sorry such a downer these are just the thoughts in my head today! its a hot one out there, stay cool. later

to be needed

SOOOOO how is everyone?????? its wednesday the week is slowley moving along! tonites karaoke burger nite, and my friend from DE is suppose to be coming with us for the first time so it should be fun.

Just got to add in here lol going on hmmmmmm almost 3 weeks now, friday being 3 weeks. still dont have my catscan results! guess the insurance company paid $500 for nothing because i cant even get my darn results. im gonna call later today and see what escuse they give me this time, i called a week ago and was told they just had to get the fax hmmmmmmm. okay im done ranting for now!

my son being out of school is driving me crazy! and hes getting tired of being home and stuck in the house lol. i new this was going to happen...... i try to get him to go outside but he doesnt have anyone to play with. i wish i was one of those crafty moms who could sit there and make stuff with him but its just not me. i did color a picture with him today though, just one, thats all i could take!

i was asked by a friend today to do her a huge favor and really i was the only person she could turn to. I managed to do it! im so proud of myself! i needed to find alot of songs for her, her computer died, stuff i have never even heard of and make her a cd. she needed it by thursday for a benifet shes doing this weekend, shes a dj. i found all the songs after searching and made a cd, im not very good on the computer and manage to always mess up something so for me to do this and it to come out right im so darn happy! i like doing things for people....... well stuff that i dont ALWAYS HAVE TO DO like laundry, cook, clean etc. for once someone needed me and not the other way around. it seems like the last 2 yrs iv lost my confidence and feel like i cant do anything i always need someone to do something for me. so this benifet im suppose to be going to also, its friday evening and its for 24hrs, its for cancer. my friends the djs asked me to go because they will be having different activitys going on like a walking relay, stuff for children, dancing etc. they will be having bands and karaoke also, thats where i come in lol. so ill get to sing so im excited about that. iv gotta get thinking about what i want to sing.
well im tired so im gonna try to get some sleep. later

Soooooo how is everyone???
we had a good weekend around here. saterday we decided to have a bbq at bf's familys house and they asked us to bring are huge water slide over so we did. my son and their granddaughter had a blast. the water slide is so much fun, not that iv ever been on it. we bought it a year ago and only used it like once it takes up alot of space we really dont have, yard wise, but bf and son just had to have it! so brought it out first time for the season and looks like everyone had such a good time and asked us to bring it next weekend. it holds up to 400lbs. i just sat in a chair and enjoyed the view, wish i could drink that would have been even better, a nice drink in my hand! dont wanna chance that though till i get this darn gallbladder out.

today daddys day we just relaxed at home. i got my bf a card and our son made him some cards and stuff. it was sooo hot today 95', alittle too hot for me. i wanted to go swimming but bf didnt feel like going and i didnt feel like driving myself so we didnt :( im gonna get to that pool this week though thats for sure!

so on health front i finally gave in and called my drs on wednesday because by this time it was almost 2 weeks i hadnt gotten my reults back yet from my pee test or catscan. i got a hold of someone in the ofc and my pee test came back fine but when i asked about catscan it was like huh????? i was like yea i got that done week n half ago almost 2....... oh let me call hospital and see if they can fax it over. well that was wednesday and tomm will be monday i havent heard a thing! i hate when this crap happens and people dont no where your results are! but anyway iv accually felt pretty good latley, pain wise. i think the new pill the dr has me on is helping out and i can move my muscles alot better than i have been for awhile. im not as stiff and swollen as i was so somethings working! i managed to get just 2 weeks of meds instead of a months worth since i was out of them and my new prescription plan doesnt start till the 1st. so i didnt have to pay as much. thanks to those who suggested doing that!

my new insurance confuses me still but im sure ill understand it more down the rd, i have medicare. i thought they only pay 80% but when i got catscan done i got a bill that said almost $500 but insurance covered it all THANK GOD! so i guess they pay for hospital stuff 100% AND like other stuff 80%??? who no's ill figure it out eventually lol. well thats it for now. hope everyone has a good week and hugs to anyone going thrue a tough time right now! later

I won an AWARD yea me!

Thanks so much for giving me an award, my blog aint much, but THANK YOU!


Okay so gotta thank Diary of a transplanted southerner for the award! gotta tell you 7 things about me you might not no. then choose 5 blogs to recieve the award.


7 things about me hmmmmmmm
1.when i get nervous or try to talk to someone i dont no i sometimes studder and jumble my words lol
2.i have a potty mouth, not so much the crude words its the cursing i need to work on!
3.im a twin- a fraturnal twin that is and no we dont get along, imagine that!
4.i love to read, anything suspense/ romance
5.im terrified of bugs, i dont want anything crawling on me!i think my loving twin did this to me from when we were little always throwing bugs on me, he tramatized me :P
6.i come from a big family you just wouldnt no it! i have 3 brothers, two sisters, im the baby!
7.i really wanna be a married woman. oh well someday!


okay heres the blogs i chose......i love you all but cant choose you all :( what would really suck is the blogs i choose dont even read mine anymore lol! that would happen to me hehehe

1.tjs test kitchen
2.adventures of gastric girl
3.rough draft
4.what is left of a whole new life
5.no more diet drama

Wow that was hard picking people, can i just say i dont like doin that :( would have chose some others as well but i dont no who reads my blog since i get few comments......... well thats it for now iv got a headache gonna pop some meds and chill. later

I had a great day peeps! i accually felt good today, yay me!
so went to the pool party and of course it was fun and i over analized and dramatized as usual and suspected the worst! i no i make things out to be so much bigger than they are, unfortuanally thats me lol. my son had a blast, he did not want to get out of that inground pool. i wanted to get in so bad , that water looked like heaven, but i was not getting my big butt in there in front of everyone. no parents got in but that teacher did in the end.

everyone new everyone like i new would happen, except me! they didnt no who i was lol. some of the parents talked to me so that was cool but again everyone else new everyone already from class trips and coming to the classroom, iv never been on a trip or to his class. i hope for the new school year to work on that and maybe go on some school trips and functions at school instead of being too nervous!my son when we got home from the party just kept saying thank you and hugging me for taking him. it really did make me happy to see him so happy! hes knocked out, he ate alittle something and went to sleep at 9. i checked in on him and he was bundled under the covers. love how a pool can wear your kid out lol!

tomorrows karaoke nite at the local neighborhood resturant so we will probobly go.

ill be glad when my son is finally done school so then hopefully we can start going swimming at the familys pool, that water is calling my name now.

i have a delima.......im out of some meds starting tomm but my new prescription insurance doesnt start till the 1st. what to do what to do! i would pay for it myself but its exspensive, couldnt be one of the meds that is only $4 it would have to be the one closer to $100. so what do you do in this situation? just suck it up and try to pay for it or can i get like walmart to somehow just wait and charge my insurance when it starts. thats it for now , later!

just wanted to say

If you think I'm mean you don't know me. If u think im nice you know me alittle. If you think im CRAZY your probably my best friend!

i love this saying! its me totally! i have my crazy qurks about me and you gotta love that about me or hate it! but in the end when you become my friend and are good to me, you have me as a friend for life! if you have good people in your life hold on to them and appreciate them, they are hard to come by these days.

Well had a good weekend AND a great lunch with my friend on sunday, im so blessed to have her as a friend! whats crazy is iv known this girl for 15 yrs, she was my best friends sister. weve always talked and stuff, shes a little younger than me. anyway we always got along but just werent that close. well last november she helped me out with my birthday party and weve just gotten real close since then. its wierd how things happen. its like why didnt we have this kind of friendship all along you no??? shes truly a good friend and one that in what feels like forever i can trust and depend on! im still close with her sister who was my best friend and shes awesome too but shes always wrapped up in her own life and i cant blame her shes got alot on her plate. so anyway i get invited to family functions and girls nite out wich i love because my family isnt close and we dont get together so this is my second family and yea it took fifteen years for me to finally feel at home lol. i have moved alot and stuff so i wasnt around these people as much hense the just feelin at home now after so long lol. anyway just glad that in this stage of my life wich physically isnt my best im truely happy and have my true friends wich isnt many but thats okay and people who love me in my life. for once i do feel the love! i really do believe its best to not have alot of friends because alot really arent truley there for you and really want the best for you. so if i die with only 2 friends im okay with that!


today at 6pm is the pool party.......... im so dreading this, im exspecting the worst. its gonna be sooooo hot! i no i can do this, i no i can do this lol. i even bought my own folding chair over the weekend because i was told she wouldnt have enough seats and some would have to sit on the ground, its a picnic pool party. well if i sit on the ground i wont be getting up, i wont be able to, we cant have that. so im prepared! im bringing ice pops wich was requested and i just hope i can try to relax and have a good time. dang wish they were having some alchol that would help, a beer ???? oh wait this is a kids party ooops sorry!
i threatened my son all last week and over the weekend if he was bad your not going......i so hoped he would be bad but no, he really has been kissing up!


Guess what ..... still no damn test results yet im getting pi$$y now, its been over a week. i think im gonna have to break down and call and see whats up. so i guess im not dieing since they havent called but i still wanna no something.

my eye kept twitching today , that is very annoying!
the scale is being kind to me at the moment even though iv fed myself alot of junk this weekend, will i ever learn and quit doing good and then intentially start doing bad! thats it for now , later

im up im up

NO not my weight wich yesterday when i weighed it was the lowest its been in awhile but then of course i ate. we ended up going to dennys, i had a side salad and then a chicken sandwich with fries, and lots of ranch dressing! bad bad i no! anyway i came home and weighed like a dummy, well just for fun and i was up 5 pds. wow didnt no you can gain that much like that lol. didnt eat anything else till 10 and had a can of vegetible soup and went to bed around 2.

im so miserable right now, i hate having to get up early because i just dont do mornings and thats when i feel my worst. i have a headache and feel sick to my stomache, this why i really dont eat breakfast. i sure hope my meds kick in soon i have a lunch date at 2!

its sooooo hot out today and humid, i like sunny days dont get me wrong but i dont enjoy hot days! im more happy in like fall , spring type weather! oh well cant control nature. bf still sleeping i hope he manages to cut the grass today it needs it, i hate when it starts to get long it looks so messy. it never fails, the neighbor on one side will cut their grass and so will the other and we havent and we are in the middle so we really stick out like a sore thumb! lol

tryed to find out where my sons teachers house is for the party tuesday, i wanted to have an idea so i dont spend all day trying to find it by myself. we found it i think, we forgot to bring the accual address but we were in her neighborhood. what can i say........ wow these houses are beautiful and huge and new! her husband must have a really good job because she didnt buy that on her salery im sure! these were like my dream home! anyway gonna get off here and get my son something to eat. hope everyone has a wonderful sunday, stay cool! later

beautiful hot saterday

SO i hear its hot outside but im not going to find out anytime soon, ill just stay right here and listen to my music! something about music can just put you in a better mood or get you moovin! for me it gives me a adrenaline rush like iv just drank a cup of coffee lol im very sensitive to caffeine and dont drink reg soda and rarley diet because it can me feel really sick, so if music gives me a rush i will take it!

bf and son are out doin their own thing and thats okay i like me time, quite time! they should be home soon though we have to go to walmart to pick up some stuff. not really sure what else we will get into.

im hungrey but i wont eat......... this is why i have a weight problem i go all day without eating till like around 4 then i eat and then it seems all nite i wanna eat. iv done this for as long as i can remember and i dont no why. i no its no good for me and duh i dont loose weight but when youve done it for so long its hard to break the cycle. if i ate 3 times a day or every 4 or 6 hrs i feel like im pigging out lol but i dont feel that when i go all day till evening to eat?????? i just dont get myself sometimes.

im going to lunch with my friend tomm we are going to bugaboo creek, they have really good food and my fav..... onion soup. we are going at 2pm. see when i eat lunch with her im normally good the rest of the day, i not hungrey till like 10pm
hopefully if i end up getting weight loss surgery i can learn to eat better and at the right times. its on my TO DO LIST!

This week will be my son last week of school and then he will be going into 1st grade! im so excited, i really wasnt sure if he would pass kindergarden, they exspect them to no alot more these days but he did good. hes learned how to read and tell time alittle, im very shocked! my sons teacher is having a pool party on tuesday and only one parent could bring their kid and well who do you think has to take my son..... ME! this really scares me, i dont do well with people i dont no. i can be really shy unless i feel comfortable with you. But im trying to look at this as a good thing, it will make my son so happy and he wants me to meet his friends. i hope his bestfriend will be there because then i can hopefully talk to his mom and see about him coming over one day during the summer so him and my son can play and go on this super water slide we have. theres no kids for my son to play with around here so hes always bored out of his mind and he dont like going outside. I no i can do this and its only for 2hrs, its not as bad as i make it seem in my head and im sure i will have a good time, if not oh well ill get over it. see i gotta try to talk to myself positive, even if its a lie hehe

i feel lighter today, im sure iv lost something......

well thats it for now, hope everyone is having a good day. later

Today wasnt a bad day but wasnt good either. nothing happened i just wasnt happy and didnt feel peppy like yesterday. i wanted to be alone and have quite! once my son gets home from school though its time for the noise and hes so loud, iv gotta constantly tell him quit yelling lol. i was so glad when his father came home and took him out with him to run some errands so i could be alone. just one of those days where loud noise , jumping around etc was driving me crazy. still no results yet from my test..........maybe tomm??? i can only hope.

I was watching this show earlier called bait car or something like that, people are so dumb, trying to steal cars. i feel no sympathy for people who steal etc. thats why i hardley trust anyone these day.

write now im watching a show dealing with people with ocd. now iv joked before and said im alittle ocd and i think i really am but man these people i feel so bad for them, it controls their life majorally! i get real anxouis having to go places by myself , dont no why but i do. i get nervous calling people on the phone , dont no why lol. when i dont clean my house wich is alot less often then before, i use to vacuum my floors twice a day now im lucky if i do it every other day. anyway it haunts me, i feel soo dirty if i dont get it done and ill think about it all day. BUT i try to not let it control me, iv had to say to myself there is more to life then wether i vacuumed the floor that day, even if it makes me feel good. so i have some deep issues wich im sure come from my up bringing but you gotta try to not let it control you. wish i could say the same for food, thats an issue too! oh and dont get me started on shoes worn in the house i cant stand that and dont allow it.

Man i shouldnt watch this show it makes me think to much! lol

so hopefully we will be going to karaoke tomm nite wich is burger nite! dont feel much like having a burger but it would be nice to go out for even an hr.

iv gained 5 pds :( not happy but i keep loosing and gaining the same 5pds couple times aweek. i no my eating could be better and i need to watch that. damn that orange cake haunting me in the kitchen. see i do something nice for bf, bake him a cake and now its like i wanna just keep eatin it lol. thats why i havent made a cake in over a year. i feel like all over the place, my mind is just racing.

i think im gonna try to go to sleep. awesome to see i have some new readers, Yay! SORRY im not intresting to read, i wasnt blessed with story telling lol. later

waiting.........

I hate waiting!
im not a patient person..... well i am when it comes to certain things but not when it comes to results!
i had the pee test done thursday and catscan on friday so im waiting for my results. i just wanna no something. its like tell me something already. im hoping and i no this sounds crazy but i hope they do find something so that im not crazy and the pain i was feeling is real and just so i no whats going on with me. if they dont find anything then its like hmmmm where do we go from here, i hate that! most of the time you give up and just deal with the problem then, then to have to look into it further.

friday nite we went out for karaoke after my test and had a good time. it was nice seeing friends i havent seen in while, plus to sing, i love to sing!
the rest of the weekend was pretty boring, it was just another weekend.

Today was the love of my life aka my boyfriends birthday, he turned 38 today, man hes getting old lol j/k
i cooked him a roast and mash potatoes and corn for dinner. i say i cant cook and i really cant that well but i make a good roast or so my family says! i put it in the crockpot with some onions and ajue or however you say and some seasoning and just let it do its thing. 7 hrs later its falling apart and soaking up the juice, yum yum love my crockpot! i also baked him a orange cake with buttercream frosting that i added some orange astract to, he likes orange cake so thats why i chose that. so it was a nice day and i accually felt pretty good today, got stuff done around the house wich always makes me happy.

dont no whats in store this week but hopefully its a good one. later......

got some things done

MY BF DIDNT have work today so he was able to take me to some offices to fill out papers and then i got my pee test done and have an appt tomm nite to get catscan done. had to drink that nasty milky stuff, yuck! then drink the rest an hr before my appt yippie lol. got my new meds and here in a bit gonna test out this muscle relaxer lol i hope it dont make me feel sick.

so bascially as long as i get this stuff done thats on my list i will be fine, if i dont i just keep thinking and thinking about it, im like a liitle ocd i think! i can stress myself out over the stupidest things and i hate that.

money is an issue right now and so im stressed! we bought this truck we needed so we could accually get around without fear of breaking down but it sucked are money supply down. bf hasnt had much work latley wich is scary, normally winter is the time we struggle not summer! so i have that worry on my plate right now and trying to figure out where we can cut back. im very glad my new medical insurance will help with all these test and drs i have to see are id be stressing about that.

I no i'll get through it, everyone has hard times! thanks everyone for your comments i no it seems i whine and cry all the time about how i dont feel good lol its my nature unfortuanlly and its my life. my blog is for me to write how i feel wether it be nuthing but whining its my blog so either read it or dont!

no one said anything to me to make me write the last sentence. i guess i just feel guilty sometimes with all my complaining and like i have to make my blog about what people wanna read. but i realize these are my feelings and im tired of caring so much about what other people think!

this is going to be a hot summer! this week so far has been sooo hot, humid, if you have trouble breathing in general its not good! PRAISE THE LORD FOR A/C!!! lol i serouisly dont think i could go back to not having it. grew up my 20 some yrs with out it, met my bf and hes just gotta have it are thinks hes dying so now im the same way! thats it for now......

i wanna hide

Had a good weekend, went to cowtown and made it around the fleamarket but got wore out like i figured would happen. sunday went to my friends familys house and had a good time, ate good food and the kids played on the water slide. it was a nice hot day for it!

Today i went to my rhemy drs appt. he said my muscle test came back good and my levels have went down so that was good. i told him though iv been so sick it seems ever since we increased my one med and so he decided that even though its helping my levels to go down that we should lower the meds back down and see if i feel any better since its making me feel ill! iv gotta get a pee pee test and a catscan done to find out whats going on with this pain on my left side as he he has no clue, wich i figured he would say. also wants me to set up appt for a pulmologist lung dr as im having harder time breathing....... then i gotta set up appt to see the surgeon to get my gallbladder out....... plus gotta set up appt for john hopkins so i can see the rhemy dr there, just waiting on my drs office to fax referrel and records. IM OVERWELMED! i hate calling people and normally keep putting it off but i no i cant. i just get so darn overwlemed. i need someone to just make all my appts for me and ill go, how does that sound lol. he called in prescription for new pain meds as the oxycodone just makes me feel sick and he called in muscle relaxer for the spasms im having. i said to the dr even though you say the muscle test came back lower i dont feel any different....i guess i thought we get down this low i should feel like hop skipping around, have all the energy in the world, so not the case. he said i probobly wouldnt feel much difference and wont till we get where we need to be. i just wonder if its my mind set holding me back. iv felt bad for what seems like so long do i no what it feels like to feel good again. im my worst enemy!

anywhoo its hot and gonna be hot the rest of the week in the 80's and close to 90's whoa baby! well thats it for now